Rebecca Rocks by Anna Carey

me … and that was it, really. She said she’s liked me for ages too, but she was never sure whether I even fancied girls at all, let alone fancied her.’
    ‘Wow,’ I said. ‘How romantic. But Cass, why didn’t you tell me or Alice sooner? Not about you and Liz, I know the whole week has been about exams. I mean, why did you never tell us that you like girls? We’re your best friends!’ I have to admit, I felt hurt.
    ‘I know you are,’ said Cass. ‘But I didn’t know how you’d react.’
    I felt quite insulted by that.
    ‘Cass, how could you have thought I’d be horrible about it? I’m not homophobic!’
    And Cass looked, not exactly annoyed, but much more serious than she generally looks. ‘Bex, I do know you’re cool with it, and I’m very relieved that you are, and it’s not like I really expected you to be anything else, not really.’ She sighed. ‘But there was always a chance that you wouldn’t be okay. I mean, people can be fine about gayness in theory, but not in,like, practice. If you know what I mean. That’s what happened with Liz and Katie.’
    ‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘I see what you mean.’
    ‘I mean,’ Cass went on, warming to the theme, ‘it may not seem like it to you, but this is a really, really big deal. Me, you know, coming out to you. It was really scary. I’ve basically been dreading it for ages. I … I dunno. I was scared that if I told you, things would never be the same, and we wouldn’t be normal friends anymore or maybe even friends at all, and I was really scared about that.’
    She looked like she might cry. And I almost felt like bursting into tears myself.
    But I just gave Cass a hug (which shows what an emotional moment it was, we’re not usually terribly huggy). And we both sniffled back tears.
    Anyway, after that we stayed up talking about it for ages, and I tried to say the right thing, though I’m not sure I always did. But I wanted to, anyway. And she didn’t seem to mind. I think once she knew I was cool with it and that I appreciated what a big deal it was for her to tell me, everything was okay between us. She said she’d fancied girls for as long as she’d fancied anyone.
    ‘But only in, like, theory,’ she said. ‘I mean, the famous people I fancied were girls. I never met anyone I really liked in real life until I met Liz.’
    ‘Which isn’t really surprising when you look around in our school,’ I said. ‘Imagine anyone falling in love with Vanessa. But I remember you saying how good-looking Paperboy and Jack Rosenthal from
Laurel Canyon
are! Were you just pretending ? You never needed to do that!’
    But she said she wasn’t, really.
    ‘I’m gay,’ she said. ‘But I’m not blind. Obviously I can appreciate, you know, when someone’s really good-looking, whether they’re a boy or a girl.’
    She still hasn’t told her mum and dad. She’s really nervous about it.
    ‘I can’t imagine them being upset about it,’ I said. ‘I mean, it’s not like they’re really anti-gay, or anything. Isn’t your mum friends with my mum’s friend Maria?’
    ‘But people can be one way about their friends and another way about their kids,’ said Cass. ‘I dunno. Imagine how awful it would be if Mum didn’t get it. Like, if she thought it was just a phase. Or if she, like, cried with sorrow.’
    And I realised it was easy for me to say that everythingwould be okay. As long as there was a chance that it wouldn’t, poor Cass would be very nervous about it.
    ‘Yeah, I understand,’ I said, and I think I did. ‘When are you going to tell Alice?’
    ‘Tomorrow, I hope,’ said Cass. ‘Oh, no, she’s doing more family stuff, isn’t she? Well, Tuesday, then. I’ll text her tomorrow and arrange to meet her. I was actually going to tell both of you together, but I suppose it just … came out tonight.’
    ‘Like yourself,’ I said, and we both laughed like loons even though that was not one of my finest jokes. It was good to laugh after all