wished I could escape forever.
I haven’t been inside the hovercraft since that day, a week ago. I’ve been avoiding the silent ship, along with the memories it carries. But it seems important for me to face them tonight. No matter how difficult it might be.
I need to prove to myself I am stronger than everyone thinks.
On the side of the hovercraft, I find the hidden compartment with the cargo lift controls. I tap the buttons in succession, and the ramp lowers to the ground with a creak.
After a quick check over my shoulder to make sure no one has come into the port and noticed what I’m doing, I hurry up the ramp before I can change my mind.
The smell of engine oil is strong inside the ship. I switch on the lights, so I can make out my surroundings. To my right are the wall compartments where I found the injection syringe I used to put Oliver to sleep because I couldn’t stand seeing him as a mindless soldier. Straight ahead is the passage to the cockpit where I saw the universe through the window and dreamed of other worlds where I might be truly free.
Everything in here is all too familiar, almost the exact setting of the dreams that wake me screaming every night. But I’m standing here and I don’t feel any panic. In fact, for the first time in a week, I am calmer than I’ve ever been.
I’m not sure the nightmares are what made me afraid to come here. I think it’s something else—something I’ve been trying to forget.
I take the right-hand passageway, moving past the chair where I sedated Oliver. Past the corridor to the engine room. When I reach the ladder, I feel for the rungs and climb to the top.
In the passageway above, a window straight ahead shows me the steel wall of the flight port outside. I don’t see any of the stars I saw a week ago. But I remember how beautiful they looked from beyond the acid shield. I remember sitting inside the escape pod, preparing to fly the bomb to the moon on my own. Accepting the fact I would die and never see Logan again.
That was the only part of death that scared me: the separation from him. I wanted a way out, a way to escape the Developers and all the pain they had caused me. In many ways, death would’ve been a relief.
But Oliver took my place, so I didn’t die. I watched him fly away and had to come back to all this. Now I’m stuck on the brink of an uprising I might not survive, even if we win.
I’m not sure I want to survive it. I’m not sure this world will ever be worth living in. It feels good to admit to myself, like a weight has been lifted off my chest.
“Clementine?” a soft whisper from behind and below me in the darkness reaches my ears. I’m surprised it didn’t startle me.
I turn and see a person at the foot of the ladder.
“Can I come up?” Beechy asks.
I wipe my eyes to make sure they aren’t watering. “I’d rather come down. I wasn’t planning on staying much longer.”
“Oh. Okay.” He steps back from the ladder. I glance at the window behind me one last time, then lower myself down the rungs.
“Were you in the command center?” I ask.
“No, I was in bed. Been trying to fall asleep for the past hour, but it’s useless. I thought I’d give the nighttime tech some company, only I saw someone walking in the flight port. Wondered if it might be you when you came in here.” He smiles.
I twist my lips. Why did Skylar tell me he and Sandy were still in the flight port? She must’ve been confused about the timing.
“You couldn’t sleep?” I ask.“Couldn’t stop thinking.”
“We’re like twins.”
His mouth quirks into a half smirk. “If only I were three feet shorter.”
I scoff. “I’m not even a foot shorter than you. Six inches, maybe.”
“Eight inches, at least. You’re tiny.”
I glare at him, giving his shoulder a soft punch.
He doubles over, as if it hurt more than it really did. “Tiny, but strong,” he says, laughing.
I start to smile, but stop because it feels weird. All of this
I haven’t been inside the hovercraft since that day, a week ago. I’ve been avoiding the silent ship, along with the memories it carries. But it seems important for me to face them tonight. No matter how difficult it might be.
I need to prove to myself I am stronger than everyone thinks.
On the side of the hovercraft, I find the hidden compartment with the cargo lift controls. I tap the buttons in succession, and the ramp lowers to the ground with a creak.
After a quick check over my shoulder to make sure no one has come into the port and noticed what I’m doing, I hurry up the ramp before I can change my mind.
The smell of engine oil is strong inside the ship. I switch on the lights, so I can make out my surroundings. To my right are the wall compartments where I found the injection syringe I used to put Oliver to sleep because I couldn’t stand seeing him as a mindless soldier. Straight ahead is the passage to the cockpit where I saw the universe through the window and dreamed of other worlds where I might be truly free.
Everything in here is all too familiar, almost the exact setting of the dreams that wake me screaming every night. But I’m standing here and I don’t feel any panic. In fact, for the first time in a week, I am calmer than I’ve ever been.
I’m not sure the nightmares are what made me afraid to come here. I think it’s something else—something I’ve been trying to forget.
I take the right-hand passageway, moving past the chair where I sedated Oliver. Past the corridor to the engine room. When I reach the ladder, I feel for the rungs and climb to the top.
In the passageway above, a window straight ahead shows me the steel wall of the flight port outside. I don’t see any of the stars I saw a week ago. But I remember how beautiful they looked from beyond the acid shield. I remember sitting inside the escape pod, preparing to fly the bomb to the moon on my own. Accepting the fact I would die and never see Logan again.
That was the only part of death that scared me: the separation from him. I wanted a way out, a way to escape the Developers and all the pain they had caused me. In many ways, death would’ve been a relief.
But Oliver took my place, so I didn’t die. I watched him fly away and had to come back to all this. Now I’m stuck on the brink of an uprising I might not survive, even if we win.
I’m not sure I want to survive it. I’m not sure this world will ever be worth living in. It feels good to admit to myself, like a weight has been lifted off my chest.
“Clementine?” a soft whisper from behind and below me in the darkness reaches my ears. I’m surprised it didn’t startle me.
I turn and see a person at the foot of the ladder.
“Can I come up?” Beechy asks.
I wipe my eyes to make sure they aren’t watering. “I’d rather come down. I wasn’t planning on staying much longer.”
“Oh. Okay.” He steps back from the ladder. I glance at the window behind me one last time, then lower myself down the rungs.
“Were you in the command center?” I ask.
“No, I was in bed. Been trying to fall asleep for the past hour, but it’s useless. I thought I’d give the nighttime tech some company, only I saw someone walking in the flight port. Wondered if it might be you when you came in here.” He smiles.
I twist my lips. Why did Skylar tell me he and Sandy were still in the flight port? She must’ve been confused about the timing.
“You couldn’t sleep?” I ask.“Couldn’t stop thinking.”
“We’re like twins.”
His mouth quirks into a half smirk. “If only I were three feet shorter.”
I scoff. “I’m not even a foot shorter than you. Six inches, maybe.”
“Eight inches, at least. You’re tiny.”
I glare at him, giving his shoulder a soft punch.
He doubles over, as if it hurt more than it really did. “Tiny, but strong,” he says, laughing.
I start to smile, but stop because it feels weird. All of this
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