to call you names and treat you like trash.”
“Her son’s dead because of me. She has the right to act however she wants.”
Amy’s face softens. “Jenna, it was an accident.”
I look down at my hands. “Yeah, and I was driving.”
“But the other driver was at fault. They t-boned you. You weren’t responsible. At all. You can’t blame yourself for that.”
“Cathy does.”
“She’s a psycho.”
“I dragged him to that stupid party. He’d still be alive if we hadn’t gone.”
“Jenna, that still doesn’t make it your fault. It’s not like you knew you’d get in a horrible car accident that would kill Tom if you went to a party. You can’t hole up inside for fear of something bad happening. And you can’t blame yourself for something someone else did.”
I press the heels of my palms to my eyes, trying to staunch the tears that are escaping at her words. The logical part of my brain knows she’s right. I couldn’t have known what would happen on the way home. There was nothing I could have done to evade the car that plowed into us. It really isn’t my fault. But Tom died and I didn’t. Amy slips her arms around me and pulls me into a hug. She rubs my back while I sob into her shirt, then hands me a tissue when I pull back and regain some control of myself. Tears are still slipping down my cheeks, I can’t stop them, but the wrenching sobs have passed for now.
“Why are you torturing yourself by wearing your engagement ring and Tom’s shirt? And why did you break up with Brian?”
“I just can’t be with Brian.”
“Why not?”
“Because … it’s not right.”
“What, is he a secret pervert? Did he try to get you to make internet porn with him or something?”
I let out a short laugh at that, shaking my head. Leave it to Amy to lighten the mood. “No, nothing like that. Brian’s great.”
“So, what’s not right about it?”
“It’s just … I was with Tom and we were happy and we were going to get married, but then we got hit by a car and he died.”
“Okay.” Amy draws the word out. “What does that have to do with Brian?”
“When I was with Brian, I didn’t think about Tom. Like at all. I mean, I told him about Tom some on our first couple dates, and I couldn’t help but compare them some in the beginning, but I haven’t thought about Tom in weeks. And I didn’t even realize it until you brought it up at The Barrel Room last week, and then Cathy showed up.” I take a breath and hold it for a moment, then let it out slowly. “I was happy with Brian, and it made me forget about Tom.”
“Jenna, you’re allowed to be happy.” I look away from her. “You’ve done nothing but think about Tom for over a year before you met Brian,” she continues. “It took you months to take off your engagement ring after he died. Even after you put it away, everything still reminded you of him. You’ve been stuck on him and blaming yourself for a year.”
“Don’t you get it, Amy?” I burst out, angry with her for not understanding. “I should be married right now. My anniversary would have been last month. And I didn’t even notice because I was so caught up in Brian, dating some other guy on my anniversary.”
“Jenna, you’re not cheating on Tom. Tom’s dead.”
“I know he’s dead! He’s dead and I’m not and it feels like I’m cheating on him, betraying him, especially when I don’t even think about him. And even more when I compare him to Brian and Tom comes out worse.”
“How does Tom come out worse?”
“Brian is so different from Tom. He … gets me in a way Tom never did, even though we dated for years. I loved Tom. I love Tom, but I really like Brian.”
“I know you love Tom. But it’s okay to like Brian. It’s okay to fall in love again, Jenna. You’re not replacing Tom. It’s okay that Brian’s different.”
“I know. I don’t want Brian to replace Tom. But I still feel like it’s a betrayal of what we had.” My face
“Her son’s dead because of me. She has the right to act however she wants.”
Amy’s face softens. “Jenna, it was an accident.”
I look down at my hands. “Yeah, and I was driving.”
“But the other driver was at fault. They t-boned you. You weren’t responsible. At all. You can’t blame yourself for that.”
“Cathy does.”
“She’s a psycho.”
“I dragged him to that stupid party. He’d still be alive if we hadn’t gone.”
“Jenna, that still doesn’t make it your fault. It’s not like you knew you’d get in a horrible car accident that would kill Tom if you went to a party. You can’t hole up inside for fear of something bad happening. And you can’t blame yourself for something someone else did.”
I press the heels of my palms to my eyes, trying to staunch the tears that are escaping at her words. The logical part of my brain knows she’s right. I couldn’t have known what would happen on the way home. There was nothing I could have done to evade the car that plowed into us. It really isn’t my fault. But Tom died and I didn’t. Amy slips her arms around me and pulls me into a hug. She rubs my back while I sob into her shirt, then hands me a tissue when I pull back and regain some control of myself. Tears are still slipping down my cheeks, I can’t stop them, but the wrenching sobs have passed for now.
“Why are you torturing yourself by wearing your engagement ring and Tom’s shirt? And why did you break up with Brian?”
“I just can’t be with Brian.”
“Why not?”
“Because … it’s not right.”
“What, is he a secret pervert? Did he try to get you to make internet porn with him or something?”
I let out a short laugh at that, shaking my head. Leave it to Amy to lighten the mood. “No, nothing like that. Brian’s great.”
“So, what’s not right about it?”
“It’s just … I was with Tom and we were happy and we were going to get married, but then we got hit by a car and he died.”
“Okay.” Amy draws the word out. “What does that have to do with Brian?”
“When I was with Brian, I didn’t think about Tom. Like at all. I mean, I told him about Tom some on our first couple dates, and I couldn’t help but compare them some in the beginning, but I haven’t thought about Tom in weeks. And I didn’t even realize it until you brought it up at The Barrel Room last week, and then Cathy showed up.” I take a breath and hold it for a moment, then let it out slowly. “I was happy with Brian, and it made me forget about Tom.”
“Jenna, you’re allowed to be happy.” I look away from her. “You’ve done nothing but think about Tom for over a year before you met Brian,” she continues. “It took you months to take off your engagement ring after he died. Even after you put it away, everything still reminded you of him. You’ve been stuck on him and blaming yourself for a year.”
“Don’t you get it, Amy?” I burst out, angry with her for not understanding. “I should be married right now. My anniversary would have been last month. And I didn’t even notice because I was so caught up in Brian, dating some other guy on my anniversary.”
“Jenna, you’re not cheating on Tom. Tom’s dead.”
“I know he’s dead! He’s dead and I’m not and it feels like I’m cheating on him, betraying him, especially when I don’t even think about him. And even more when I compare him to Brian and Tom comes out worse.”
“How does Tom come out worse?”
“Brian is so different from Tom. He … gets me in a way Tom never did, even though we dated for years. I loved Tom. I love Tom, but I really like Brian.”
“I know you love Tom. But it’s okay to like Brian. It’s okay to fall in love again, Jenna. You’re not replacing Tom. It’s okay that Brian’s different.”
“I know. I don’t want Brian to replace Tom. But I still feel like it’s a betrayal of what we had.” My face
Similar Books
