Hannah and Sylvia both received and deposited the same amount of money came while Kallistos and I were in the tub. It was around midnight when I noticed the message. Ever since, I’ve been chomping at the bit for more details. As soon as the sun comes up, I’m going to call Zack.
“Did you get any sleep?”
Kallistos encircles my waist with one arm.
“No.” I lean back against him and close my eyes. “I came out to the living room so I wouldn’t wake you.”
He sweeps my hair aside and kisses my neck. The gesture is tender, not passionate, not possessive. “I’m afraid I’ve grown used to having you in my bed. I miss you when you aren’t. I wish you’d reconsider and move in.”
I turn to face him. His chest and feet are bare. The fact that he’s wearing pajama bottoms is testament to the fact that we didn’t have mind-blowing sex to the point of passing out last night.
“You aren’t going soft on me, are you?” I ask him.
He tugs on the tie of my robe until it opens. Then he reaches for my hand and places it over his erection. “Does this feel like I’m going soft?”
“I wasn’t referring to your . . . equipment,” I say.
Kallistos cradles my head in his hands, then leans down for a kiss. He starts at the corner of my mouth before moving to my lower lip. “I know what you were referring to,” he murmurs, his breath warm and inviting. His hand presses firmly over my mound, fingers sliding across the silk of my gown to slip between my legs.
“This is supposed to be a relationship of convenience,” I remind him.
He pulls me hard against his body. His hand tangles in my hair at the base of my skull. He grabs hold and forces me to look into his eyes. I see anger, frustration, and something else, something I can’t quite identify. Regret?
“I’d find it more convenient to have you here all the time, to be able to fuck you anytime I want.”
I push him away and head inside. “Yeah, well, good luck with that.”
He follows me inside. “You think you’ve come to terms with it. But you haven’t.”
“Come to terms with what?” I’ve busied myself by gathering up the coffeepot and empty cup. By the time Kallistos answers, I’ve made it as far as the dining table.
“Not being able to have who you really want. Armstrong.”
It’s not said in anger or recrimination, but once the words spill from his lips I can’t seem to walk any farther.
The delicate china cup begins to rattle against the saucer. I look down. My hand is shaking. He takes the cup from me along with the pot and sets them on the table.
“Talk to me,” he says, pulling me back over to the sofa.
“I
can’t
. Not about this.”
“Are you afraid you’re going to hurt my feelings?”
“You have no feelings.” As soon as I speak the words, I regret them.
“Don’t mistake control for lack of passion. I know the rules. I know how to play the game. I’m not some naive, idealistic boy. I was once. Not anymore.” He places my hand over his heart. “I am devoted to you. I will forever remain so. Demeter is the only one who could jeopardize that, and her ability to do so, her power to do so, is extremely restrictive.”
“As long as I live without love,” I whisper. “As long as I don’t give my heart.”
Kallistos drops my hand. “Just stick with me, kid.”
“You sure that what we have is enough?”
“I am.”
I smile. “But what if that changes? You know, I’ve been told I can be pretty irresistible.”
Kallistos gets up, walks over to the bar, and despite the fact that the sun has just risen, he pours himself a drink. “You may be irresistible. But I’m not. At least not where you’re concerned.” He swallows the scotch, then sets the glass down. “I can walk in the light, but I’m not of it. I’ve done things, had to do things, will continue to do things. Do you understand?”
I’m not sure I do.
His back is to me. Heaviness bows his shoulders. “I’m not the hero, Emma. I’ll
“Did you get any sleep?”
Kallistos encircles my waist with one arm.
“No.” I lean back against him and close my eyes. “I came out to the living room so I wouldn’t wake you.”
He sweeps my hair aside and kisses my neck. The gesture is tender, not passionate, not possessive. “I’m afraid I’ve grown used to having you in my bed. I miss you when you aren’t. I wish you’d reconsider and move in.”
I turn to face him. His chest and feet are bare. The fact that he’s wearing pajama bottoms is testament to the fact that we didn’t have mind-blowing sex to the point of passing out last night.
“You aren’t going soft on me, are you?” I ask him.
He tugs on the tie of my robe until it opens. Then he reaches for my hand and places it over his erection. “Does this feel like I’m going soft?”
“I wasn’t referring to your . . . equipment,” I say.
Kallistos cradles my head in his hands, then leans down for a kiss. He starts at the corner of my mouth before moving to my lower lip. “I know what you were referring to,” he murmurs, his breath warm and inviting. His hand presses firmly over my mound, fingers sliding across the silk of my gown to slip between my legs.
“This is supposed to be a relationship of convenience,” I remind him.
He pulls me hard against his body. His hand tangles in my hair at the base of my skull. He grabs hold and forces me to look into his eyes. I see anger, frustration, and something else, something I can’t quite identify. Regret?
“I’d find it more convenient to have you here all the time, to be able to fuck you anytime I want.”
I push him away and head inside. “Yeah, well, good luck with that.”
He follows me inside. “You think you’ve come to terms with it. But you haven’t.”
“Come to terms with what?” I’ve busied myself by gathering up the coffeepot and empty cup. By the time Kallistos answers, I’ve made it as far as the dining table.
“Not being able to have who you really want. Armstrong.”
It’s not said in anger or recrimination, but once the words spill from his lips I can’t seem to walk any farther.
The delicate china cup begins to rattle against the saucer. I look down. My hand is shaking. He takes the cup from me along with the pot and sets them on the table.
“Talk to me,” he says, pulling me back over to the sofa.
“I
can’t
. Not about this.”
“Are you afraid you’re going to hurt my feelings?”
“You have no feelings.” As soon as I speak the words, I regret them.
“Don’t mistake control for lack of passion. I know the rules. I know how to play the game. I’m not some naive, idealistic boy. I was once. Not anymore.” He places my hand over his heart. “I am devoted to you. I will forever remain so. Demeter is the only one who could jeopardize that, and her ability to do so, her power to do so, is extremely restrictive.”
“As long as I live without love,” I whisper. “As long as I don’t give my heart.”
Kallistos drops my hand. “Just stick with me, kid.”
“You sure that what we have is enough?”
“I am.”
I smile. “But what if that changes? You know, I’ve been told I can be pretty irresistible.”
Kallistos gets up, walks over to the bar, and despite the fact that the sun has just risen, he pours himself a drink. “You may be irresistible. But I’m not. At least not where you’re concerned.” He swallows the scotch, then sets the glass down. “I can walk in the light, but I’m not of it. I’ve done things, had to do things, will continue to do things. Do you understand?”
I’m not sure I do.
His back is to me. Heaviness bows his shoulders. “I’m not the hero, Emma. I’ll
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