Red Tape by Michele Lynn Seigfried Page B

interrupted him. “Mr. Triggers, we have already told you we cannot help you with the dunes.”
    Mr. Triggers turned red. “You are a stupid louse and all this red tape is bull. You are such a moron to think you can’t do anything. It would only take fifteen cents per resident to bring over a few loads of sand to put at the end of my street. So here is your fifteen cents, you cheap bitch!” He reached in his pocket and threw fifteen pennies at the mayor.
    Mayor O’Donnell started banging the gavel wildly. She was furious. “Officer! Officer!” she screamed, calling for Williams. “Remove Mr. Triggers, I want him arrested!”
    What happened next was somewhat of a tornado. I guessed Williams called for backup and when Mr. Triggers would not leave peacefully, he and another officer tackled him to the ground. Mr. Triggers was kicking and shouting. “I want my dunes, I want my dunes!” Chairs went flying, papers were scattered throughout the room, and audience members scrambled out of the way. I ducked behind the dais—I didn’t want to get hit in the eye with any stray pennies or police bullets, for that matter.
    The mayor adjourned the meeting and I was left to clean up the mess. Tomorrow’s another day, I thought and I went to my car to drive home. On my way there, I chuckled at the recollection of what happened. It wasn’t funny at the time, but it sure seemed funny after the fact.
    The next day, I decided to drop off Mandy a few minutes early so that I could stop at Take Ten, the only coffee shop in Sunshine. I love their sugar-free, fat-free chai latte. For some reason, it always made me feel calm and peaceful.
    When I arrived at work, I went straight over to the courtroom to clean up the mess. A few minutes into repositioning the toppled chairs, Triggers appeared at the clerk’s office window. Bonnie came to get me.
    “Mr. Triggers is at the window and he’s asking for you,” she said.
    The tranquil effects of my chai suddenly wore off. I cringed. Wasn’t he in jail? I thought for sure he was arrested last night after they took him out in handcuffs. I knew he was going to take up a good amount of my time, so I told her to tell him that I was in a meeting and that he was welcome to look through the boxes. Bonnie came back a few minutes later. “He doesn’t want to look through the boxes; he wants to see you personally,” she said.
    “Tell him I’m not available at the moment and ask him if he’d like to make an appointment,” I said.
    I finished cleaning up the room and putting the chairs back in order. Thirty minutes later, I headed back to my desk. To my dismay, Triggers was right there at the counter waiting for me. This is someone who doesn’t have a life, I thought. He was dressed head to toe in banana yellow, including his socks and the bandana he had wrapped around his forehead. Bonnie could not say his clothes were mismatched that day. The song “Mellow Yellow” started playing in my head. The yellow part was right, but the mellow part didn’t quite fit Mr. Triggers.
    “How may I help you?” I asked him.
    First, Triggers told me he didn’t have time to look through the boxes and that he would be back on another day to look through them. The thought of my having to deal with him coming back on another day made me ill. I was also annoyed that I also had to continue to deal with the boxes all over the place.
    Then, Triggers handed me a list of documents that he wanted copies of, such as flood hazard maps and house elevation standards. Bonnie and I took out the materials and provided the copies he wanted. Then, he handed me a request for sand dune management plans. I copied those for him. Then, he handed me another request for various purchase orders. When I returned with the purchase orders, I had to inform him that one year was destroyed in accordance with State laws. This bit of news did not sit well with Triggers. I showed him the permission slips I had obtained regarding the