understand why all of sudden I’m no longer attractive to you, why you don’t touch me.”
“Does this look un-attracted?” Kyle says as he pushes the blankets down his body, revealing a beautiful hard-on that’s glistening at the tip. “Addison, you’re fucking gorgeous, you’re smart, and you’re fucking sexy, maybe even sexier now that we know you’re pregnant. Our not touching you has nothing to do with you being unattractive, it has everything to do with the fact that I am scared shitless, Addison. I’m scared of hurting you, I’m scared of hurting the baby, and I’m scared of everything that’s happened this week. It wasn’t on my agenda to get you pregnant, but it’s happened. We-” he gestures between the three of us, “made that choice to take the chance because we didn’t consider the consequences of what could happen. We slipped up once because we didn’t have anything, but none of us went back to using them again. And now… now you’re pregnant.”
“Do you think I trapped you into this? To get something out of it, to make you stay in my life?” I say as straight and emotionless as I can.
“Oh dear god, no,” Talon says. “That’s never been a thought in my mind. Angel, we played this game together, we got into this together and we stay in this together.”
“Addison,” Kyle says softly. “We know that you never intended for this to happen like this. I know that it’s way too early in this relationship, but I cannot change what’s happened. I cannot take it back, I refuse.”
“Then why? Why haven’t you touched me, made love to me?”
Neither one of them say anything. I walk over to where my pajama pants are sitting and I pull them on. I go back into the bathroom for Kyle’s t-shirt and despite the tenderness, pull it over my head. Neither one of them have moved since I left the room. “Bottle cap,” I say and they both hiss.
“Please, angel, don’t.”
“I already have.”
“Addison, you’re upset, we get it, but you can’t shut us down like that. Please, we need to talk about this,” Kyle says.
“I tried. You both clammed up like I stole your tongues. Obviously I turn you off, otherwise you would have made a move, said something, done something, but you didn’t. You both just sat there. This is not easy for me. At all. I am pregnant; I am pregnant because of a choice we all made together. If you can’t live with that choice, love me for that choice, or show me that you love me after that decision has been made, then I don’t know what else to do.”
Talon sits up on the bed, climbing up onto his knees. “Take it back,” he begs. I cock my head at him. “Take back your safe word,” he demands. “That phrase is sacred and we will not dishonor it if it is your wish, so take it back so we can talk.”
“I take it back.” I reply reluctantly.
“I’m scared, Addison. I am so fucking scared of the future, of everything, of the fact that you’re now pregnant. I’m scared of who I will be as a father, and a lover. I don’t fucking know how to do this, Addison. I don’t. I need your help, I need your guidance and I need your understanding. This is so fresh and new for all of us. I want to worship your body from head to toe. I want to make love to you like I need air to breathe. It’s a goddamn necessity for me to show you how much I love you. I’m afraid to touch you, because I don’t want to hurt you. I’m afraid, god, I’m afraid to be inside of you, afraid I’ll hurt you, or the baby. Can you understand that? Can you understand why that’s scary for me?” I nod at Talon’s confession. Tears are streaming down my face in thick waves.
“We did it before we knew. We’ve done it countless times since Tuesday, and then you just cut me off. It’s not fair because it makes me feel like I no longer turn you on, that you no longer want me sexually. It scares me, Talon.”
Kyle climbs off of the bed. His
“Does this look un-attracted?” Kyle says as he pushes the blankets down his body, revealing a beautiful hard-on that’s glistening at the tip. “Addison, you’re fucking gorgeous, you’re smart, and you’re fucking sexy, maybe even sexier now that we know you’re pregnant. Our not touching you has nothing to do with you being unattractive, it has everything to do with the fact that I am scared shitless, Addison. I’m scared of hurting you, I’m scared of hurting the baby, and I’m scared of everything that’s happened this week. It wasn’t on my agenda to get you pregnant, but it’s happened. We-” he gestures between the three of us, “made that choice to take the chance because we didn’t consider the consequences of what could happen. We slipped up once because we didn’t have anything, but none of us went back to using them again. And now… now you’re pregnant.”
“Do you think I trapped you into this? To get something out of it, to make you stay in my life?” I say as straight and emotionless as I can.
“Oh dear god, no,” Talon says. “That’s never been a thought in my mind. Angel, we played this game together, we got into this together and we stay in this together.”
“Addison,” Kyle says softly. “We know that you never intended for this to happen like this. I know that it’s way too early in this relationship, but I cannot change what’s happened. I cannot take it back, I refuse.”
“Then why? Why haven’t you touched me, made love to me?”
Neither one of them say anything. I walk over to where my pajama pants are sitting and I pull them on. I go back into the bathroom for Kyle’s t-shirt and despite the tenderness, pull it over my head. Neither one of them have moved since I left the room. “Bottle cap,” I say and they both hiss.
“Please, angel, don’t.”
“I already have.”
“Addison, you’re upset, we get it, but you can’t shut us down like that. Please, we need to talk about this,” Kyle says.
“I tried. You both clammed up like I stole your tongues. Obviously I turn you off, otherwise you would have made a move, said something, done something, but you didn’t. You both just sat there. This is not easy for me. At all. I am pregnant; I am pregnant because of a choice we all made together. If you can’t live with that choice, love me for that choice, or show me that you love me after that decision has been made, then I don’t know what else to do.”
Talon sits up on the bed, climbing up onto his knees. “Take it back,” he begs. I cock my head at him. “Take back your safe word,” he demands. “That phrase is sacred and we will not dishonor it if it is your wish, so take it back so we can talk.”
“I take it back.” I reply reluctantly.
“I’m scared, Addison. I am so fucking scared of the future, of everything, of the fact that you’re now pregnant. I’m scared of who I will be as a father, and a lover. I don’t fucking know how to do this, Addison. I don’t. I need your help, I need your guidance and I need your understanding. This is so fresh and new for all of us. I want to worship your body from head to toe. I want to make love to you like I need air to breathe. It’s a goddamn necessity for me to show you how much I love you. I’m afraid to touch you, because I don’t want to hurt you. I’m afraid, god, I’m afraid to be inside of you, afraid I’ll hurt you, or the baby. Can you understand that? Can you understand why that’s scary for me?” I nod at Talon’s confession. Tears are streaming down my face in thick waves.
“We did it before we knew. We’ve done it countless times since Tuesday, and then you just cut me off. It’s not fair because it makes me feel like I no longer turn you on, that you no longer want me sexually. It scares me, Talon.”
Kyle climbs off of the bed. His
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