Relic by Steve Whibley

toilet.”
    â€œEww.” Lisa grimaced. “You wouldn’t really do that, would you?”
    Colin waved his hands. “C’mon, man. If you’ve had another vision, let’s hear it.” He rubbed his hands together. “I’ve been dying for another mission.”
    â€œThey’re not missions,” Lisa muttered. “And we just finished one, how can you already want another one?” She lowered herself to the edge of my bed. “But we better hear it anyway. Who is it? Anyone we know?”
    I drew a couple deep breaths. “Okay, so it’s like this…”
    When I finished telling them what happened, they spoke in the same breath. “A burglary?”
    â€œThat’s what I figure.”
    â€œWe get to thwart a burglary!” Colin said excitedly. “This just gets better and better.” He rubbed his hands. “I’ve always wanted to thwart something.”
    â€œI’m surprised you even know the word thwart ,” Lisa said.
    â€œCall him,” Colin said. I didn't need to ask who he meant.
    I nodded and pulled out my phone and then dialed the numbers from the card. The phone rang four times before voice mail on the other end picked up:
    â€œThis is Archer.” Beep .
    The message was so abrupt that it caught me off guard. “Oh, um,” I stammered, “Archer. This is Dean. Dean Curse. We met yesterday…well, you probably remember. Of course you do…um, yeah. Anyway, we were just wondering if we could meet you at the park today.” I suddenly remembered the forced apology I had to give at the museum. “Erm, this afternoon if possible,” I added. “Maybe around one o’clock. Okay, hope to see—” The machine beeped, cutting me off. I turned to my friends. “How was that?”
    â€œAwkward,” Colin said. “Really awkward.”
    â€œIt wasn’t that bad,” Lisa said, “but why are we meeting him this afternoon? Group therapy is over way before that.”
    I groaned. “I forgot about therapy.” I stretched my arms and pulled some clothes from my dresser. “My mom’s making me apologize to that monk.”
    â€œThe one from the museum?” Colin asked.
    â€œNo, Colin,” I said, “the one from the grocery store. How many monks do you know?”
    Lisa shook her head while Colin laughed. “Oh, yeah. Well, hurry up and get ready. We should get that over with as soon as possible. Are you going to say something to that security guard while we’re there?”
    â€œJust get dressed,” Lisa said, pulling Colin out of my room. “We’ll talk about it on the way.”
    I pulled on a t-shirt and jeans, ducked into the washroom to get cleaned up, and headed to the kitchen. I wasn’t even five minutes behind my friends, but five minutes was plenty of time for my sister to try to make me look bad. I rounded the corner just in time to hear Becky say, “And then he screamed and asked my parents if he could sleep with them.”
    â€œWhat?” Lisa’s eyes were the size of dinner plates.
    â€œHe did what?” Colin choked out.
    Becky smiled wide. She turned to me and brought her hands up to her chin, imitating a scared, frizzy-haired brat. “Widdle Deannie got scared and wanted to sweep with his widdle mommy.”
    â€œYou’re such a brat,” I muttered.
    Lisa was still staring at me. “You wanted to sleep in your parents’ bed? Really?”
    â€œNo,” I sighed. “That’s not what happened at all.” Lisa looked unconvinced so I added, emphatically, “I didn’t.”
    My mom strolled into the kitchen behind me and came to an abrupt stop when she saw Lisa and Colin gawking at me, and Becky sneering like the devil brat she was. “Do I even want to know?” she said. Before anyone could mutter a word, she shook her head. “Nope. I don’t.” She turned