old backroom politician died and went up to Heaven where he saw St. Peter at
the gate.
“‘My son,’ the Heavenly One said, ‘we would like to give you a chance to see if you
would like to remain here with us, or would rather live in Hell. So, take a few moments
here to look about.’ The politician looked around very carefully, noting that everyone
was wearing white, playing harps or flutes, reading books and doing a lot of skipping.
“In a few minutes he took the elevator down to Hell. It took a long time. When the
door finally opened, he saw a lot of voluptuous women scantily clad, the finest Canadian
liquor free for the asking, and lots of gambling. He seemed to fit right in, and
in the short time he was there having lots of fun, laughing and carrying on.
“Later, when he went up to see St. Peter, the old gentlemen asked where he would
like to wind up. ‘Well, Pete, you have a good thing going for you here, but I think
I’ll take my chances in the other place.’
“Again he entered the elevator and in a few minutes the door opened in Hell. All
he could see was a desert of unspeakable heat. People were suffering terribly, moaning,
sobbing, and pulling on his clothes, begging for a drink. The Devil happened by just
then. ‘Hey,’ the politician asked in shock, ‘what had happened to the all of the
things I saw a few minutes before?’
‘Oh,’ the Devil said, ‘those were just our campaign promises!’
“This last one he told to a group at women’s club:
“A woman went to the doctor for her annual checkup.
After all of the tests, the doctor came in and said, ‘Well, Delores, you’re in fine
shape for a woman your age, but there is one thing I should tell you, you’re pregnant!’
In shock, the woman burst out of the room, rushed to the phone in the outer office
and dialed a number.
“I can see him right now, a wry smile on his face, and an occasional lifting of an
eyebrow.
“‘Are you sitting down for this one?’ she yelled into the receiver.
‘Yes, I think so,’ he answered timidly.
‘I’m pregnant!’ she screamed.
His tone changed.
‘That’s impossible!’ he said determinedly.
‘No, I’m serious. I’m pregnant!’
Just as determinedly, he said again, ‘That’s impossible!’
‘I’m here in the Doctor’s office,’ she said, talking down to him, ‘and he says I’m
pregnant!’
‘Who is this?’ he asked.”
“Of course, there was another side to Daddy that we came to discover. The war had
been very destructive to him. As children, Bye and I had no idea of the damage it
had done. When they were old enough to understand that he had been a pilot in the
war, we were intent on asking him all about it. We wanted him to fly us places on
great planes, or at least see him fly, but we never did. Flying was still new enough
then to be magical in itself for most people. The harsh aspects of people he loved
being killed in the war completely eluded his daughters.
“The war was fascinating to us: a desperate foe defeated by my daddy and other men.
Good versus evil. These men were uncompromising heroes on the order of the Knights
of the Round Table. It has been my lifelong wish to read as much as I could about
that generation to aid me in my writing.
“Father’s plane was of great interest to me and in time I came to read about the
plane’s proclivity to go into a ‘flat spin’ which fascinated and puzzled me. I could
not imagine what it was. It remained in my mind until one day when I was home from
college I came right out and asked Daddy about it.
“‘Oh,’ he said. He sat in his chair in the living room for a long moment and then
began. ‘The P-38 was a very hard plane to fly. At high altitude, it was such a delight!’
His face brightened. ‘Your vision was just wondrous; its maneuverability was like
that of a dancer. But lower,’ and his voice flattened, and he paused and shook his
head. ‘Lower it had many faults, like in diving and in that spin. I told
the gate.
“‘My son,’ the Heavenly One said, ‘we would like to give you a chance to see if you
would like to remain here with us, or would rather live in Hell. So, take a few moments
here to look about.’ The politician looked around very carefully, noting that everyone
was wearing white, playing harps or flutes, reading books and doing a lot of skipping.
“In a few minutes he took the elevator down to Hell. It took a long time. When the
door finally opened, he saw a lot of voluptuous women scantily clad, the finest Canadian
liquor free for the asking, and lots of gambling. He seemed to fit right in, and
in the short time he was there having lots of fun, laughing and carrying on.
“Later, when he went up to see St. Peter, the old gentlemen asked where he would
like to wind up. ‘Well, Pete, you have a good thing going for you here, but I think
I’ll take my chances in the other place.’
“Again he entered the elevator and in a few minutes the door opened in Hell. All
he could see was a desert of unspeakable heat. People were suffering terribly, moaning,
sobbing, and pulling on his clothes, begging for a drink. The Devil happened by just
then. ‘Hey,’ the politician asked in shock, ‘what had happened to the all of the
things I saw a few minutes before?’
‘Oh,’ the Devil said, ‘those were just our campaign promises!’
“This last one he told to a group at women’s club:
“A woman went to the doctor for her annual checkup.
After all of the tests, the doctor came in and said, ‘Well, Delores, you’re in fine
shape for a woman your age, but there is one thing I should tell you, you’re pregnant!’
In shock, the woman burst out of the room, rushed to the phone in the outer office
and dialed a number.
“I can see him right now, a wry smile on his face, and an occasional lifting of an
eyebrow.
“‘Are you sitting down for this one?’ she yelled into the receiver.
‘Yes, I think so,’ he answered timidly.
‘I’m pregnant!’ she screamed.
His tone changed.
‘That’s impossible!’ he said determinedly.
‘No, I’m serious. I’m pregnant!’
Just as determinedly, he said again, ‘That’s impossible!’
‘I’m here in the Doctor’s office,’ she said, talking down to him, ‘and he says I’m
pregnant!’
‘Who is this?’ he asked.”
“Of course, there was another side to Daddy that we came to discover. The war had
been very destructive to him. As children, Bye and I had no idea of the damage it
had done. When they were old enough to understand that he had been a pilot in the
war, we were intent on asking him all about it. We wanted him to fly us places on
great planes, or at least see him fly, but we never did. Flying was still new enough
then to be magical in itself for most people. The harsh aspects of people he loved
being killed in the war completely eluded his daughters.
“The war was fascinating to us: a desperate foe defeated by my daddy and other men.
Good versus evil. These men were uncompromising heroes on the order of the Knights
of the Round Table. It has been my lifelong wish to read as much as I could about
that generation to aid me in my writing.
“Father’s plane was of great interest to me and in time I came to read about the
plane’s proclivity to go into a ‘flat spin’ which fascinated and puzzled me. I could
not imagine what it was. It remained in my mind until one day when I was home from
college I came right out and asked Daddy about it.
“‘Oh,’ he said. He sat in his chair in the living room for a long moment and then
began. ‘The P-38 was a very hard plane to fly. At high altitude, it was such a delight!’
His face brightened. ‘Your vision was just wondrous; its maneuverability was like
that of a dancer. But lower,’ and his voice flattened, and he paused and shook his
head. ‘Lower it had many faults, like in diving and in that spin. I told
Similar Books
