Instead of suffering the canings or the slaps, I became secretive, with only you as my confidante. That is where the acting comes in, Sophie. And my desire to appear on stage. Remember how I acted out all the Shakespeare plays—going outdoors at all times of year? I see now that I did it for no glorious motive, but just to escape. And somehow, it all became a permanent part of me. And a permanent protest against Mother and refinement.
Oh, Sophie, I do miss you so. I hope this letter makes sense to you.
All my love,
Fanny
After sealing the letter, she walked to her window. The view outside did not interest her today. She was too busy monitoring her inner thoughts.
I will not land a duke. I do not even want a duke.
A vision of the captain as she had first seen him in the palace garden, dressed in his naval uniform, rose before her. He was such a puzzle. One moment, he was Old Sobersides; the next moment, he was ready for anything. She thought once more that he would make a comfortable husband. Could she make him fall in love with her? How did one accomplish that sort of feat?
On this, she could use her older sister’s advice. At this time of morning, Elise would be in the nursery.
“Good morning, Viscount Mayfield!” she greeted her five-year-old nephew as she walked into his realm. Running to her, Alistair threw his arms around her legs. “Auntie Fan! Did you bring me a present?”
She ruffled his glossy black hair. “Greedy thing. Maybe tomorrow. I must visit the shops today.”
Emma toddled up to her and, with great determination, pried her brother loose. “ My Fanneee.”
“Good morning, love,” said Elise. “What are you up to this morning?”
Fanny sat on the floor with Alistair and began helping him to build his castle with the blocks the duke had fashioned by hand.
“I need advice,” she said to her sister. “You had four fiancés. How do you cause someone to fall in love with you?”
Elise laughed. “Have you anyone in mind?”
“I rather like Marquis of Deal. But he thinks I amm a troublesome baggage half the time. The other half he spends egging me on. I do not know what to make of him.”
“But you are not in love with him?”
“I do not know. He is hard to understand.”
“I imagine he finds you equally mystifying.”
“We are like two cocks, circling one another, but we scarcely ever touch.”
“Well, I can tell you this much,” her sister said. “Being in love is the ultimate adventure. I think you would know if you were.”
“Were you in love with all your fiancés? That seems a bit excessive.”
“When Joshua died, I thought I had finished with love. I thought Robert would be a responsible husband and would take good care of me. I thought maybe I would learn to love him.”
“But he turned out to be mad.”
“Yes, and then Gregory. I did think I loved him, but it turned out that I really did not know him. He was a terrible cad. Falling in love with the duke took me by surprise. And it was unlike anything I had experienced before.”
“In what way?”
“It was like a thunderstorm—powerful, a little frightening, and completely unstoppable. But then it settled down into wonderful daily happiness. I do not think anyone can manage a thunderstorm every day.”
“Is it like that for everyone?”
“I do not know. But you cannot invent it, Fan, or make it happen.”
Emma had crawled into Fanny’s lap and was sticking her fingers in her aunt’s mouth. Seizing her, Fanny began tickling her without mercy until the little girl wrenched herself away, smashing the castle. Alistair yelled at his sister.
Elise took Emma while Fanny reassured Alistair by rebuilding the part of the castle that his sister had destroyed.
“You are going to be a wonderful mother, Fan. I cannot wait to see the day.”
“Well, it may be a while in coming,” Fanny said with an elaborate sigh.
“I do not know the marquis well, so I cannot really advise you. But this much I can tell
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