helped.
“So, Mr. Sullivan, do you know why I called you down here?”
“No, sir. I haven’t got a clue. Did I do something?” I tried my best
to look innocent, which in this case I was, or at least I thought so.
“I personally took your mother’s call yesterday morning letting me
know you were home sick. I tend to have lunch at the mall, so you can imagine my
shock when I saw you having lunch with a girl...”
Time stopped, my mind stopped, my heart stopped, and I managed to croak
out an, “Oh.”
“That’s exactly what I said when I saw you, Mr. Sullivan. Now how do
you think your poor mother is going to react when I tell her I saw you yesterday
on a date? Do you think she’s going to be happy?”
I could only imagine how my mother would react. My father would probably
high-five me when he found out I had lunch with a girl while ditching school. Mom
was sure to go thermonuclear. I meant to tell Mr. Parker that it wasn’t me he saw
at the mall. My mouth opened and I said, “It wasn’t a date.”
“I don’t care if it was a bar mitzvah. The point is, young man, you
were supposed to be in school. What do you think I should do with you?” I could
tell he was getting angry, because the amount of saliva spritzing me the farther
we got into the conversation increased rapidly.
I looked up and pretended like I was really considering what he should
do to me. I love it when grownups ask us moronic questions. They know we’re going
say something like, “Let me go,” or “Forget the whole thing.” Why on earth they
would expect us to say, “Punish me to the full extent of the law and your power,”
is beyond me.
I did however say something that shocked the hell out of me. “She’s
my girlfriend, sir. We had a little pregnancy scare, so we met at the mall to get
a test from the drug store inside …”
Chapter 7
Mr. Parker’s mouth dropped open like a toddler had crawled under his
desk and whacked him in the giblets. I tried not to giggle as he slowly closed his
mouth and stood up from behind his desk. I expected him to start shouting obscenities
about the stupidity of pre-marital sex, but he walked around and closed the door
behind me. I could practically hear the phone call he would make to my mother in
my head.
“Connor, I hope I don’t need to give you a lecture about how dangerous
it is for someone of your age to engage in such activities?”
“No, sir. Trust me when I say, it was an accident and won’t be happening
again for as long as I live my life as a single person. Such activities are best
left to those with more experience and have joined their lives in holy matrimony.”
I fought hard to keep my face sincere and deadpan. I didn’t know what the hell was
going on with me, but I liked it. Not only had I come up with the most unbelievable
lie in the universe, I sounded heartily sorry for it too.
“Good. Tell you what. I won’t get involved in this at all. If you’ve
learned your lesson, no harm has been done. Just be grateful it was a scare and
not the real thing, young man. To help you learn even more from this unpleasantness,
I have an idea. You’re going to do something for me I hope will teach you how to
be a little more responsible in the future. We have a new student here at our school.
She has a disability requiring the help of other students. She has a visual impairment
and will require assistance getting from one class to the next. Would you be interested
in helping her as sort of a penance for your errors?”
My mind focused in on Jessica, sitting out in the waiting room and
I nodded enthusiastically. I definitely wouldn’t mind spending more time with her.
I hate to admit it, especially after the lie I just told Mr. Parker, but I hadn’t
even kissed a girl let alone done enough to get one pregnant. I definitely wouldn’t
mind kissing Jessica if the chance ever came up.
“Good. Mrs. Rhodes has her schedule, and I believe most of her classes
coincide with
“So, Mr. Sullivan, do you know why I called you down here?”
“No, sir. I haven’t got a clue. Did I do something?” I tried my best
to look innocent, which in this case I was, or at least I thought so.
“I personally took your mother’s call yesterday morning letting me
know you were home sick. I tend to have lunch at the mall, so you can imagine my
shock when I saw you having lunch with a girl...”
Time stopped, my mind stopped, my heart stopped, and I managed to croak
out an, “Oh.”
“That’s exactly what I said when I saw you, Mr. Sullivan. Now how do
you think your poor mother is going to react when I tell her I saw you yesterday
on a date? Do you think she’s going to be happy?”
I could only imagine how my mother would react. My father would probably
high-five me when he found out I had lunch with a girl while ditching school. Mom
was sure to go thermonuclear. I meant to tell Mr. Parker that it wasn’t me he saw
at the mall. My mouth opened and I said, “It wasn’t a date.”
“I don’t care if it was a bar mitzvah. The point is, young man, you
were supposed to be in school. What do you think I should do with you?” I could
tell he was getting angry, because the amount of saliva spritzing me the farther
we got into the conversation increased rapidly.
I looked up and pretended like I was really considering what he should
do to me. I love it when grownups ask us moronic questions. They know we’re going
say something like, “Let me go,” or “Forget the whole thing.” Why on earth they
would expect us to say, “Punish me to the full extent of the law and your power,”
is beyond me.
I did however say something that shocked the hell out of me. “She’s
my girlfriend, sir. We had a little pregnancy scare, so we met at the mall to get
a test from the drug store inside …”
Chapter 7
Mr. Parker’s mouth dropped open like a toddler had crawled under his
desk and whacked him in the giblets. I tried not to giggle as he slowly closed his
mouth and stood up from behind his desk. I expected him to start shouting obscenities
about the stupidity of pre-marital sex, but he walked around and closed the door
behind me. I could practically hear the phone call he would make to my mother in
my head.
“Connor, I hope I don’t need to give you a lecture about how dangerous
it is for someone of your age to engage in such activities?”
“No, sir. Trust me when I say, it was an accident and won’t be happening
again for as long as I live my life as a single person. Such activities are best
left to those with more experience and have joined their lives in holy matrimony.”
I fought hard to keep my face sincere and deadpan. I didn’t know what the hell was
going on with me, but I liked it. Not only had I come up with the most unbelievable
lie in the universe, I sounded heartily sorry for it too.
“Good. Tell you what. I won’t get involved in this at all. If you’ve
learned your lesson, no harm has been done. Just be grateful it was a scare and
not the real thing, young man. To help you learn even more from this unpleasantness,
I have an idea. You’re going to do something for me I hope will teach you how to
be a little more responsible in the future. We have a new student here at our school.
She has a disability requiring the help of other students. She has a visual impairment
and will require assistance getting from one class to the next. Would you be interested
in helping her as sort of a penance for your errors?”
My mind focused in on Jessica, sitting out in the waiting room and
I nodded enthusiastically. I definitely wouldn’t mind spending more time with her.
I hate to admit it, especially after the lie I just told Mr. Parker, but I hadn’t
even kissed a girl let alone done enough to get one pregnant. I definitely wouldn’t
mind kissing Jessica if the chance ever came up.
“Good. Mrs. Rhodes has her schedule, and I believe most of her classes
coincide with
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