understand why this discovery angers me so deeply. Not true, Cooper. And you know it.
My throat tightens; I shake my head and grit my teeth against that voice in my mind—
Jace clears his throat behind me. “I changed my mind,” he says. “I don’t want you to clean my room.”
I can’t pull away from the magazines. Big-breasted women in slutty bikinis wink at me like they know exactly what I want. Bitches don’t have a clue!
And why is that?
Shut up!
Jace crouches next to me and pries a magazine I didn’t even know I’d picked up from my hand. He frowns and shifts. “I mean, if you want to borrow one—”
“No! Fuck off.”
I stand abruptly. I can’t look at him. Can’t look at his bed. Can’t breathe his citrusy air anymore. I stumble out of his room, shove on a pair of shoes, and hurry outside. I need . . . I need . . . I need a stone .
But I’m too close to the house. Its lights are illuminated as though it’s watching me. Judging me.
I can’t stand it. I have to get away. I jog along the stream through the pines, toward the cave. The wind sluices over my recently cut hair and tunnels down the arms of my green Koru T-shirt—the one Dad bought me for Christmas. The one that Annie said brings out my eyes in a wicked cool way and had Jace staring extra hard at me.
A stupid tear hovers in the corner of my eye, but I swipe it away as I duck into the cave.
The glowworms are extremely bright, but their magic takes a while to settle over me. When it finally does, I feel like I’m standing on the edge of that cliff again, about to fall. Thrills zip up my middle, stirring my cock.
I raise my arms and stand on my tippy toes to imagine the rush of falling into the stars.
Every inch of my skin tickles with shivers just like the last time I came here when Jace was at the creek, singing . . .
I drop my arms and snap out of the memory. It doesn’t matter anyway. He didn’t even know I was listening.
I sit on the floor of the cave, pick up a smooth stone, and hug my knees, willing the glowworms to rearrange themselves into an answer. An answer to my questions. How do I stop feeling like this? How do I stop that voice in my head that lies to me and tries to confuse me all the time?
The worms don’t move. Neither do I. Not for a long time. I feel the heat of Jace’s whisper before I hear it. “You’re supposed to be at my beck and call.”
I don’t turn around. “What do you want?”
“Why are you hiding?”
“I’m not.” I grip my stone harder.
He settles next to me, hugging his knees too. His arm bumps against mine, but I continue staring at the glowing green walls. “Why aren’t we friends?” he asks. “Why do we pretend we don’t like each other?”
“You give me a dirty look every morning. You tell me.”
I hear him shrug. “I don’t know. It’s easier.” He turns to look at me. His hot gaze on my cheek pulls me to face him, but I resist. “I know we were forced into each other’s lives, but, I mean, I would have chosen you if I’d had the chance.”
My breath hitches, and a shy smile stretches his lips.
“I mean, if I hadn’t known you,” he says, “and you stopped to talk to me that first time at school? I would’ve tried harder to hang out with you. I mean, you were odd.” At this, he laughs softly. “I was surprised by the nose butt to my knee, but I liked you. And the Music Rocks T-shirt you wore is sort of funny now that I know you.”
“I don’t remember the T-shirt.” The stone falls from my sweaty grip and I fumble for it again.
I would have chosen you.
My heart races as his words skate over every inch of my skin.
“What do you say, Cooper?”
I’m too fast to grab the hand he offers, and I hold it too tightly. I’m scared he can somehow hear that traitorous, whispering voice through my touch and he will quickly let me go. “Can we keep the dirty looks?” I ask.
He laughs. “With you, I think it’d be hard not
My throat tightens; I shake my head and grit my teeth against that voice in my mind—
Jace clears his throat behind me. “I changed my mind,” he says. “I don’t want you to clean my room.”
I can’t pull away from the magazines. Big-breasted women in slutty bikinis wink at me like they know exactly what I want. Bitches don’t have a clue!
And why is that?
Shut up!
Jace crouches next to me and pries a magazine I didn’t even know I’d picked up from my hand. He frowns and shifts. “I mean, if you want to borrow one—”
“No! Fuck off.”
I stand abruptly. I can’t look at him. Can’t look at his bed. Can’t breathe his citrusy air anymore. I stumble out of his room, shove on a pair of shoes, and hurry outside. I need . . . I need . . . I need a stone .
But I’m too close to the house. Its lights are illuminated as though it’s watching me. Judging me.
I can’t stand it. I have to get away. I jog along the stream through the pines, toward the cave. The wind sluices over my recently cut hair and tunnels down the arms of my green Koru T-shirt—the one Dad bought me for Christmas. The one that Annie said brings out my eyes in a wicked cool way and had Jace staring extra hard at me.
A stupid tear hovers in the corner of my eye, but I swipe it away as I duck into the cave.
The glowworms are extremely bright, but their magic takes a while to settle over me. When it finally does, I feel like I’m standing on the edge of that cliff again, about to fall. Thrills zip up my middle, stirring my cock.
I raise my arms and stand on my tippy toes to imagine the rush of falling into the stars.
Every inch of my skin tickles with shivers just like the last time I came here when Jace was at the creek, singing . . .
I drop my arms and snap out of the memory. It doesn’t matter anyway. He didn’t even know I was listening.
I sit on the floor of the cave, pick up a smooth stone, and hug my knees, willing the glowworms to rearrange themselves into an answer. An answer to my questions. How do I stop feeling like this? How do I stop that voice in my head that lies to me and tries to confuse me all the time?
The worms don’t move. Neither do I. Not for a long time. I feel the heat of Jace’s whisper before I hear it. “You’re supposed to be at my beck and call.”
I don’t turn around. “What do you want?”
“Why are you hiding?”
“I’m not.” I grip my stone harder.
He settles next to me, hugging his knees too. His arm bumps against mine, but I continue staring at the glowing green walls. “Why aren’t we friends?” he asks. “Why do we pretend we don’t like each other?”
“You give me a dirty look every morning. You tell me.”
I hear him shrug. “I don’t know. It’s easier.” He turns to look at me. His hot gaze on my cheek pulls me to face him, but I resist. “I know we were forced into each other’s lives, but, I mean, I would have chosen you if I’d had the chance.”
My breath hitches, and a shy smile stretches his lips.
“I mean, if I hadn’t known you,” he says, “and you stopped to talk to me that first time at school? I would’ve tried harder to hang out with you. I mean, you were odd.” At this, he laughs softly. “I was surprised by the nose butt to my knee, but I liked you. And the Music Rocks T-shirt you wore is sort of funny now that I know you.”
“I don’t remember the T-shirt.” The stone falls from my sweaty grip and I fumble for it again.
I would have chosen you.
My heart races as his words skate over every inch of my skin.
“What do you say, Cooper?”
I’m too fast to grab the hand he offers, and I hold it too tightly. I’m scared he can somehow hear that traitorous, whispering voice through my touch and he will quickly let me go. “Can we keep the dirty looks?” I ask.
He laughs. “With you, I think it’d be hard not
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