A big fight. And
I need some time away to sort through things. Can you understand that?”
“I guess so …
” Felicity wasn’t sure how to proceed with this zombie mother. She expected a
tirade of exaggerations and more information than any child ever wants to hear
about their parents, only to be shoved in the middle, forced to take sides.
This calm, cool, calculating individual was like the Alternate Universe Mom she
used to think she wanted, but now wasn’t so sure. What could she say?
“Where will
you go?” Felicity asked.
Jenna hadn’t
thought that far in advance. She glanced around the room and saw a picture
hanging up in the corner. It was a black and white photo of a pier in a lake.
In small handwritten letters at the bottom of the matting, it read “North
Beach, Lake Tahoe, by Jenna Jax , 1989.”
Jenna
pointed to the photo and said, “There.”
Chapter 12
“Are you
sure you know what you’re doing?” Anya asked for the third time.
Dinner was a disaster, with Jenna drinking an
entire bottle of red wine by herself, slurring incoherently at each person in
turn. At one point, she turned to Anya, eyes narrowed,
and said, “ Y’wereright , Mom. I ended up jus’ like
you. Go ahead. Say it. Toldyouso . Say it! Juss like you said. Better seenthan heard. ‘S all I’m good for. Look pretty. SAY IT!” She flung her glass around in
front of her, eyes landing on Zach. “Do I look pretty to you?”
Anya
watched, as though regarding an accident on the side of the freeway, and saved
Zach from having to answer. Luckily Jenna passed out before dessert was served.
Someone had the foresight to put a pitcher of water on her bedside table so
that when she woke up, still drunk in the dark morning hours, she guzzled it and
sat cataloguing every time she’d sacrificed something for either Airika or Alex. Every example she thought of, from the time
she didn’t buy the Calvin Klein prom dress she wanted freshman year because Airika had to have it to giving up modeling to stay home
with Felicity so Alex could pursue his dream of touring around the country with
his punk-rock band (who frequently found themselves ejected from venues before
they got paid), made her realize she’d only ever played the supporting role.
She’d never been the star in her own life’s story. As she watched the pink glow
of the sunrise, she made up her mind. No more stepping aside. Jenna felt
certain for the first time in her life. She couldn’t explain the
transformation, but instead of sinking into a pool of self-pity (as she’d
expected to), she felt alive and awake. She looked outside where the trees
glittered green, and the ocean’s blue saturated her core, connecting her to the
world like never before.
Her life had flipped an illegal U-turn hurling her
towards a new destination. Despite her still inebriated state, she couldn’t
help but go over logistics in her head. Felicity should stay with her
grandparents (her preference, Jenna was sure), and now that the two people she
ran everything by were the same two she wouldn’t speak to again, she had no one
left to answer to. Gone were the days of putting everyone else’s needs, wants,
and desires ahead of her own. Maybe high school Jenna had it right after all.
Pulling away
down the long gravel drive, Jenna watched her mother and daughter wave, their
eyes welling. Technically, she couldn’t see their features from that distance,
but she imagined they had tears in their eyes. She wished she could express to
them how in control she felt. It was like she was a college student, leaving
the nest for the first time, excited for the adventures awaiting her. As the
house grew smaller and smaller in the distance, she knew it would never look
the same as it did right now.
“Music?” Zach asked, handing her his iPod.
She smiled and put the iPod in the glove box.
“Nope.”
“You’re the boss,” he said, turning onto highway
395. The vast desert spread before them, broken
I need some time away to sort through things. Can you understand that?”
“I guess so …
” Felicity wasn’t sure how to proceed with this zombie mother. She expected a
tirade of exaggerations and more information than any child ever wants to hear
about their parents, only to be shoved in the middle, forced to take sides.
This calm, cool, calculating individual was like the Alternate Universe Mom she
used to think she wanted, but now wasn’t so sure. What could she say?
“Where will
you go?” Felicity asked.
Jenna hadn’t
thought that far in advance. She glanced around the room and saw a picture
hanging up in the corner. It was a black and white photo of a pier in a lake.
In small handwritten letters at the bottom of the matting, it read “North
Beach, Lake Tahoe, by Jenna Jax , 1989.”
Jenna
pointed to the photo and said, “There.”
Chapter 12
“Are you
sure you know what you’re doing?” Anya asked for the third time.
Dinner was a disaster, with Jenna drinking an
entire bottle of red wine by herself, slurring incoherently at each person in
turn. At one point, she turned to Anya, eyes narrowed,
and said, “ Y’wereright , Mom. I ended up jus’ like
you. Go ahead. Say it. Toldyouso . Say it! Juss like you said. Better seenthan heard. ‘S all I’m good for. Look pretty. SAY IT!” She flung her glass around in
front of her, eyes landing on Zach. “Do I look pretty to you?”
Anya
watched, as though regarding an accident on the side of the freeway, and saved
Zach from having to answer. Luckily Jenna passed out before dessert was served.
Someone had the foresight to put a pitcher of water on her bedside table so
that when she woke up, still drunk in the dark morning hours, she guzzled it and
sat cataloguing every time she’d sacrificed something for either Airika or Alex. Every example she thought of, from the time
she didn’t buy the Calvin Klein prom dress she wanted freshman year because Airika had to have it to giving up modeling to stay home
with Felicity so Alex could pursue his dream of touring around the country with
his punk-rock band (who frequently found themselves ejected from venues before
they got paid), made her realize she’d only ever played the supporting role.
She’d never been the star in her own life’s story. As she watched the pink glow
of the sunrise, she made up her mind. No more stepping aside. Jenna felt
certain for the first time in her life. She couldn’t explain the
transformation, but instead of sinking into a pool of self-pity (as she’d
expected to), she felt alive and awake. She looked outside where the trees
glittered green, and the ocean’s blue saturated her core, connecting her to the
world like never before.
Her life had flipped an illegal U-turn hurling her
towards a new destination. Despite her still inebriated state, she couldn’t
help but go over logistics in her head. Felicity should stay with her
grandparents (her preference, Jenna was sure), and now that the two people she
ran everything by were the same two she wouldn’t speak to again, she had no one
left to answer to. Gone were the days of putting everyone else’s needs, wants,
and desires ahead of her own. Maybe high school Jenna had it right after all.
Pulling away
down the long gravel drive, Jenna watched her mother and daughter wave, their
eyes welling. Technically, she couldn’t see their features from that distance,
but she imagined they had tears in their eyes. She wished she could express to
them how in control she felt. It was like she was a college student, leaving
the nest for the first time, excited for the adventures awaiting her. As the
house grew smaller and smaller in the distance, she knew it would never look
the same as it did right now.
“Music?” Zach asked, handing her his iPod.
She smiled and put the iPod in the glove box.
“Nope.”
“You’re the boss,” he said, turning onto highway
395. The vast desert spread before them, broken
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