a moment I stood in silence, watching him pace the room.
“Are you sure that’s not because of the way you treat them?”
He furrowed his brow. “Is that what you think? Of course you do. Country star uses women then tosses them aside? Is that the headline you’re hearing on the radio, TV? Or is that the latest fodder that’s making its rounds in the tabloids?”
“You know what, Chase, it doesn’t matter what I think, it matters what you think. And it seems that maybe you have some trust issues to work through. Thanks for the company, I enjoyed at least the first part.”
With that I turned and left. I didn’t sob, or get choked up. I had no expectations going in, and I had even fewer going out. Country star or not, he was still a man. Behind all that fame, music videos and cool persona, here was a man that was dealing with his own demons. Fighting something that clearly had a hold on him. I’d already been down that road with enough men. Those who were needy or thought I should be the one to support their ass. Screw that. Sure he had it all. But really he didn’t. Did anyone ever see that side of him? Do any of us see it?
I strolled back to my truck not even giving one glance over my shoulder. Who knew if he was looking out? I didn’t care, quite frankly. The last thing I needed in my life right now was more drama. Small towns may have meant leading a slower life, but my life was far from boring. And I didn’t need a man to liven it up. I had my pocket rocket. And that shit was the bomb.
* * *
W hen I reached home , I was still thinking about what he said. All the lights were off at the café. I had let Sophie close up early. Inside I didn’t bother to turn the lights on. I sat in silence. Was that the kind of life I wanted to get wrapped up in? An industry that chewed you up and spat you out? A company that would try to make you conform to a certain way of singing? I wasn’t sure how I would like that. Having people boss me around wasn’t something I was used to. I was my own boss, I stood on my own two feet and I was damn good at it. At least until that damn coffee shop opened up across the road.
You want to talk about it?
I heard my mother’s voice in my head. She was always there for me. The good days, the bad days and all the ones in between. I wished she was here. Sometimes I just needed a sounding board. A listening ear from someone who wasn’t going to tell me to pull my socks up and get real. This was real. It was my life and I had worked damn hard to hold on to what my parents had built. Now all I could see was the end of the road. I didn’t know what to do.
What if this contest didn’t put me through to the final round? What if I got all my hopes up and then had them crushed in front of a live audience? I wasn’t sure if I could handle that. My heart was fragile enough as it was. I was closing in on twenty-four years of age. Surely most people my age already were doing what they wanted. Weren’t they? I thought back to what Chase had said about a boring life. Maybe small towns were boring. But they offered a sense of comfort. You knew who was for you and who wasn’t. You knew where you stood and no matter how hard things got, there was always someone there to give a helping hand. Moving away from that to travel to some city and spend weeks on some TV show?
A few tears welled up in my eyes. Frustration. Letdown. Striving to try and make ends meet was really taking its toll. Then on top of that, this evening hadn’t helped.
It was getting close to eleven at night. I spent the next thirty minutes tidying up and preparing for the next day. I put on a little bit of music, but decided to skip Chase’s stuff. I had my fill of him for the night. I could still taste him on my lips. I shouldn’t have let him. Country rock star or not. He wasn’t going to mess with my heart and then disappear from this town.
After everything was cleared up, I took my notebook and sat down in one of the
“Are you sure that’s not because of the way you treat them?”
He furrowed his brow. “Is that what you think? Of course you do. Country star uses women then tosses them aside? Is that the headline you’re hearing on the radio, TV? Or is that the latest fodder that’s making its rounds in the tabloids?”
“You know what, Chase, it doesn’t matter what I think, it matters what you think. And it seems that maybe you have some trust issues to work through. Thanks for the company, I enjoyed at least the first part.”
With that I turned and left. I didn’t sob, or get choked up. I had no expectations going in, and I had even fewer going out. Country star or not, he was still a man. Behind all that fame, music videos and cool persona, here was a man that was dealing with his own demons. Fighting something that clearly had a hold on him. I’d already been down that road with enough men. Those who were needy or thought I should be the one to support their ass. Screw that. Sure he had it all. But really he didn’t. Did anyone ever see that side of him? Do any of us see it?
I strolled back to my truck not even giving one glance over my shoulder. Who knew if he was looking out? I didn’t care, quite frankly. The last thing I needed in my life right now was more drama. Small towns may have meant leading a slower life, but my life was far from boring. And I didn’t need a man to liven it up. I had my pocket rocket. And that shit was the bomb.
* * *
W hen I reached home , I was still thinking about what he said. All the lights were off at the café. I had let Sophie close up early. Inside I didn’t bother to turn the lights on. I sat in silence. Was that the kind of life I wanted to get wrapped up in? An industry that chewed you up and spat you out? A company that would try to make you conform to a certain way of singing? I wasn’t sure how I would like that. Having people boss me around wasn’t something I was used to. I was my own boss, I stood on my own two feet and I was damn good at it. At least until that damn coffee shop opened up across the road.
You want to talk about it?
I heard my mother’s voice in my head. She was always there for me. The good days, the bad days and all the ones in between. I wished she was here. Sometimes I just needed a sounding board. A listening ear from someone who wasn’t going to tell me to pull my socks up and get real. This was real. It was my life and I had worked damn hard to hold on to what my parents had built. Now all I could see was the end of the road. I didn’t know what to do.
What if this contest didn’t put me through to the final round? What if I got all my hopes up and then had them crushed in front of a live audience? I wasn’t sure if I could handle that. My heart was fragile enough as it was. I was closing in on twenty-four years of age. Surely most people my age already were doing what they wanted. Weren’t they? I thought back to what Chase had said about a boring life. Maybe small towns were boring. But they offered a sense of comfort. You knew who was for you and who wasn’t. You knew where you stood and no matter how hard things got, there was always someone there to give a helping hand. Moving away from that to travel to some city and spend weeks on some TV show?
A few tears welled up in my eyes. Frustration. Letdown. Striving to try and make ends meet was really taking its toll. Then on top of that, this evening hadn’t helped.
It was getting close to eleven at night. I spent the next thirty minutes tidying up and preparing for the next day. I put on a little bit of music, but decided to skip Chase’s stuff. I had my fill of him for the night. I could still taste him on my lips. I shouldn’t have let him. Country rock star or not. He wasn’t going to mess with my heart and then disappear from this town.
After everything was cleared up, I took my notebook and sat down in one of the
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