together. That hasn't changed."
"Everything else has. Look at tonight. Each of us gone our separate ways. How long before it becomes separate lives?" He pulled away from me and crossed his arms. "We're family, this band. Brothers for years. We thought that would protect us from typical band bullshit. But families fall apart all the time, too."
I nodded, swallowing past the lump in my throat. "They sure do. Mine did."
"How?"
I fisted my hands on my thighs. "The worst possible way. When I was a little kid, my father murdered my mother right in front of me. I was so scared I couldn't move. But he came over to me and I thought it was my turn to die. But he just put the telephone in my hand and told me to call the cops. Then he went over to her body, looked at her for a minute and then blew himself away. Then it was all over. My family was gone. They died in less time than it took for the cops to come and take me away."
Matthew put his hands over mine, kneeling in front of me.
"I-I'm just telling you so you know that I do understand. How scary it is. How alone you can feel. I spent most of my childhood shuttled from foster home to foster home every few months. They couldn't deal with me, with my issues. I didn't finish a semester anywhere until the house where I met Steven. We managed to stay together until he turned eighteen, and he's my family, it isn't the same. I'm not the same girl I could have been. I never let myself really feel safe. Because it can all end. Everything ends."
"It does," he whispered, squeezing my fingers.
"But I did learn one thing. You can't control the world. But you can control yourself. You can fight for what matters. You can hold on as tight as possible for as long as possible. And if you do, then sometimes it can work. Sometimes you can keep the thing you love. Get through the bad times. Find that you're not over, you're just down. Not down and out. Not yet."
Matthew's eyes shone with tears and he reached up, kissing me hard, holding me so tight I could barely breathe. "That's beautiful," he said against my lips. "You're beautiful."
*
We dozed off for the rest of the ride, clinging together to keep from drowning in the pain of the past, and fears of the future. The bus offloaded at the new hotel in the new city and I barely saw any of it.
Matthew escorted me to my room and carried my stuff. He ordered coffee from room service while I took a shower. We didn't talk much, words seemed unimportant. And insufficient. Opening our hearts, admitting out deepest fears in the back of a tour bus had taken our relationship to a new level. It kind of scared me, but I couldn't stop smiling, even as sadness encircled me.
While I was soothing my sore body and refreshing my mind, my thoughts were on the man waiting for me in the other room. Matthew was like no one I'd ever met before. And I was falling for him. Hard. Harder than I ever had before. I'd never let myself value romance as anything but a diversion with a quick countdown timer. But now, with him, I thought of the future. Three more months of the tour together sounded like heaven. And after that, maybe something even better.
When I came out of the bathroom he was sitting on the bed, reading something on his phone.
"Everything okay?" I asked, filled to bursting with overwhelming emotions.
"Yeah, sure. Just checking the schedule for today."
I looked over at the clock sadly. "Do you have to go?"
He stood up, came over and took my hands in his. "Nope. This is officially sleep time for the band, but I'm not tired."
"You're not?" I adjusted the towel I had wrapped around my head.
"Nope. I was, kind of. But then I was sitting here, listening to the water running in the bathroom, imagining you in there… wet, naked, soapy…" he flashed a sexy smile. "Better than uppers."
I blushed and slapped him lightly on the arm. "Pervert."
"Yup." His eyes blazed as he stared at me.
I returned the gaze, enjoying the way my heart was racing, the way my
"Everything else has. Look at tonight. Each of us gone our separate ways. How long before it becomes separate lives?" He pulled away from me and crossed his arms. "We're family, this band. Brothers for years. We thought that would protect us from typical band bullshit. But families fall apart all the time, too."
I nodded, swallowing past the lump in my throat. "They sure do. Mine did."
"How?"
I fisted my hands on my thighs. "The worst possible way. When I was a little kid, my father murdered my mother right in front of me. I was so scared I couldn't move. But he came over to me and I thought it was my turn to die. But he just put the telephone in my hand and told me to call the cops. Then he went over to her body, looked at her for a minute and then blew himself away. Then it was all over. My family was gone. They died in less time than it took for the cops to come and take me away."
Matthew put his hands over mine, kneeling in front of me.
"I-I'm just telling you so you know that I do understand. How scary it is. How alone you can feel. I spent most of my childhood shuttled from foster home to foster home every few months. They couldn't deal with me, with my issues. I didn't finish a semester anywhere until the house where I met Steven. We managed to stay together until he turned eighteen, and he's my family, it isn't the same. I'm not the same girl I could have been. I never let myself really feel safe. Because it can all end. Everything ends."
"It does," he whispered, squeezing my fingers.
"But I did learn one thing. You can't control the world. But you can control yourself. You can fight for what matters. You can hold on as tight as possible for as long as possible. And if you do, then sometimes it can work. Sometimes you can keep the thing you love. Get through the bad times. Find that you're not over, you're just down. Not down and out. Not yet."
Matthew's eyes shone with tears and he reached up, kissing me hard, holding me so tight I could barely breathe. "That's beautiful," he said against my lips. "You're beautiful."
*
We dozed off for the rest of the ride, clinging together to keep from drowning in the pain of the past, and fears of the future. The bus offloaded at the new hotel in the new city and I barely saw any of it.
Matthew escorted me to my room and carried my stuff. He ordered coffee from room service while I took a shower. We didn't talk much, words seemed unimportant. And insufficient. Opening our hearts, admitting out deepest fears in the back of a tour bus had taken our relationship to a new level. It kind of scared me, but I couldn't stop smiling, even as sadness encircled me.
While I was soothing my sore body and refreshing my mind, my thoughts were on the man waiting for me in the other room. Matthew was like no one I'd ever met before. And I was falling for him. Hard. Harder than I ever had before. I'd never let myself value romance as anything but a diversion with a quick countdown timer. But now, with him, I thought of the future. Three more months of the tour together sounded like heaven. And after that, maybe something even better.
When I came out of the bathroom he was sitting on the bed, reading something on his phone.
"Everything okay?" I asked, filled to bursting with overwhelming emotions.
"Yeah, sure. Just checking the schedule for today."
I looked over at the clock sadly. "Do you have to go?"
He stood up, came over and took my hands in his. "Nope. This is officially sleep time for the band, but I'm not tired."
"You're not?" I adjusted the towel I had wrapped around my head.
"Nope. I was, kind of. But then I was sitting here, listening to the water running in the bathroom, imagining you in there… wet, naked, soapy…" he flashed a sexy smile. "Better than uppers."
I blushed and slapped him lightly on the arm. "Pervert."
"Yup." His eyes blazed as he stared at me.
I returned the gaze, enjoying the way my heart was racing, the way my
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