Roped by SJD Peterson

think of something to say that would make this all better. He wished there was a magic word he could utter that would take Tek’s pain from him, but there were none.
    Tek tried to get up, but Jamie refused to release his hold on him. “Talk to me, Tek. No secrets, remember?”
    Jamie felt like a fool for uttering those words considering the secrets he was keeping from Tek, but this was different. Tek didn’t need to have to deal with his best friend wanting him in ways Jamie knew were impossible. It would serve no purpose but to put a strain on their relationship.
    “I need a shower. I… I need to wash my hands,” Tek stammered, but he stopped trying to pull away.
    Jamie tightened his hold on Tek, pulled him closer. “Not until we talk about this.”
    “I can’t,” Tek mumbled. “Not about this.”
    “No one is going to think less of you for pulling that trigger. You heard Rocco tonight, he was proud of you. You saved me and Sully.”
    “It’s not just the shooting, Jamie. I mean, it is, but….” Tek wrung his hands, still staring at them.
    “Is it about what he said? You know, about us being fags?” Jamie asked cautiously. “He was trying to provoke you, Tek, nothing more.” And I promise from here on out to keep my feelings for you in check . He wouldn’t put Tek at risk.
    “Do you think anyone in our club thinks the same way?”
    “No! They know how close we are, Tek. They know we are more than best friends, more like brothers.”
    Uttering the word brother felt offensive to Jamie considering how he felt about Tek—the things he wanted from him, the things he wanted to do to him were anything but brotherly. It made him the worst kind of sick bastard, but if he could ease Tek’s mind with the lie then it would be worth it.
    The same bitter-sounding laugh escaped Tek. He rested his forearms on his knees, hands clasped and whispered, “I’m so sorry, Jamie.”
    Jamie went to his knees in front of Tek and rubbed his hands up and down his friend’s arms. “Dammit, Tek, there is nothing for you to apologize for.”
    “I thought I was hiding it better…. If I…. I didn’t mean for…. I tried not to,” Tek stammered. He lifted his eyes and met Jamie’s gaze. “I’m so sorry, Jamie,” he repeated.
    The pain evident was so raw it stole Jamie’s breath. “Hide what? Tek, what the hell are you talking about?” Jamie asked in confusion.
    “It’s my fault if they think you’re a fag,” Tek confessed, sounding defeated.
    Jamie’s head was swirling. No matter how he tried to understand what Tek was saying, what he was apologizing for, it just didn’t make sense. How could Tek think it was his fault?
    “I thought if I banged enough chicks,” Tek continued, “If I showed everyone what a ladies’ man I was, immersed myself in enough pussy, no one would suspect. I tried, Jamie. I swear to God I tried, but it’s not going away. No matter what I do, it just won’t fucking go away.”
    “It’s my fault if they think you’re a fag.” Tek’s declaration played over and over in Jamie’s head as he continued to stare at Tek. “No one would suspect.” Was it possible? Did Jamie dare to think? Dare to hope? Was it even fucking conceivable that they both had been keeping the same dark secret from the other?
    Before he could think about the what or why of what he was doing, Jamie grabbed Tek’s face in both his hands. “I should have done this six years ago,” he murmured.
    “What the hell, Jamie? Done what?”
    “Returned your kiss.” Jamie pressed his lips against Tek’s.
    Tek stiffened against Jamie, but Jamie had gone too far to back down now. If Tek beat the shit out of him or never spoke to him again… he was going to make damn well sure the kiss was worth it. Jamie licked at Tek’s bottom lip, encouraging him to respond, praying he would. Six years of want, desire, and need rushed to the surface; the intensity of it overwhelmed Jamie, and without waiting for an invitation, he