the second time you’ve kept something important from me, Charlie. You should have told me he was coming.”
“I know. It was last minute and . . . I wanted him to come so badly. I think he needs to be here, Alec and I need you guys to be okay. Somehow I need you to be okay. Brandon’s practically family to me now, and you’ve
always
been. It kills me to see you both in so much pain.”
It’s hard to stay mad at her when she says stuff like that because I know she really feels it. That’s Charlie. She has a big heart and she would do anything if she thought it would help someone she loves. “I think we’re as cool as we’re ever going to be. He’ll go back to living a lie and I’m—hell, I’m trying to get past the one I’ve always lived. That’s all there is to it.”
She grabs my hand and squeezes. “Are you and that guy . . .?” Studying me, I can tell she’s trying to read me.
“Friends.”
“That’s all I’m getting out of you, isn’t it?”
I smile at her even though there’s still a fist around my gut thinking about Brandon being here and Logan meeting him. There’s this screwed up feeling of betrayal slamming around inside me, though I’m not sure which one of them I think I betrayed. “I don’t do the gossip thing either. Now let’s get the hell out of here. It’s not like everyone in that living room doesn’t know what we’re doing.”
When I hit the end of the hallway, Logan is coming out of my kitchen with bottles of beer in his hands. He hands one to Nate, then Brandon and I almost ask if he’s supposed to be drinking but keep my mouth shut. Charlie shakes her head when he offers one to her, so he hands the third to me. Logan winks my way, but I can’t really get a read on him. Can’t tell if he thinks of this as one big joke or if he cares that Brandon is here.
My couch is small so they’ve pulled the chairs from the kitchen into the living room, Brandon on one, Nate the other and of course Charlie sits next to Nate.
“You guys hungry? There’s leftover pizza,” I say as Logan sits on the couch.
“We’re good,” Nate replies at the same time that Charlie says, “We ate before we got here.”
We’re all quiet. I’m the only one standing and I know I look like an idiot—that I’m being one—so I take a seat on the opposite side of the couch as Logan.
Still, no one speaks.
Logan jumps in to save the day again, when he stands up and heads for the TV. “Anyone want to play some PlayStation? Most of his games are sports but he’s got a few good ones in there.”
“Hell yeah!” Nate stands and walks over by Logan and I can tell it’s fake. Even Charlie’s trying to pretend she’s interested.
But not Brandon. I feel his eyes and know they never shift from me.
Chapter Six
Brandon
Alec and I have spent more time apart than we have together. I mean, I know that we’ve never really completely been together because we both tried so hard for so long to think this was something that we’d get over, but physically we’ve always,
always
been states apart.
We’ve only ever had the summer for those first three years and then a few weeks together the last summer. And a month ago, just a weekend, but still, every time I saw him, even seeing him for the first time after a year and a half, it felt right. I always felt right, happy. And in some ways I know that’s a screwed-up thing to think because it shouldn’t take another person for anyone to feel good but that’s how it’s been.
Until now.
Suddenly, Alec feels a million miles ahead of me—apart from me in a way he’s never been, even when all we had were phone calls for months on end.
Only part of it is because of the bastard playing games and laughing with my brother and Charlie, who my fingers itch to punch in the face. Mostly it’s just because Alec is somewhere I’ve never been. He’s going places I won’t let myself go. My gut aches because of it but I’m also proud of him. And I
“I know. It was last minute and . . . I wanted him to come so badly. I think he needs to be here, Alec and I need you guys to be okay. Somehow I need you to be okay. Brandon’s practically family to me now, and you’ve
always
been. It kills me to see you both in so much pain.”
It’s hard to stay mad at her when she says stuff like that because I know she really feels it. That’s Charlie. She has a big heart and she would do anything if she thought it would help someone she loves. “I think we’re as cool as we’re ever going to be. He’ll go back to living a lie and I’m—hell, I’m trying to get past the one I’ve always lived. That’s all there is to it.”
She grabs my hand and squeezes. “Are you and that guy . . .?” Studying me, I can tell she’s trying to read me.
“Friends.”
“That’s all I’m getting out of you, isn’t it?”
I smile at her even though there’s still a fist around my gut thinking about Brandon being here and Logan meeting him. There’s this screwed up feeling of betrayal slamming around inside me, though I’m not sure which one of them I think I betrayed. “I don’t do the gossip thing either. Now let’s get the hell out of here. It’s not like everyone in that living room doesn’t know what we’re doing.”
When I hit the end of the hallway, Logan is coming out of my kitchen with bottles of beer in his hands. He hands one to Nate, then Brandon and I almost ask if he’s supposed to be drinking but keep my mouth shut. Charlie shakes her head when he offers one to her, so he hands the third to me. Logan winks my way, but I can’t really get a read on him. Can’t tell if he thinks of this as one big joke or if he cares that Brandon is here.
My couch is small so they’ve pulled the chairs from the kitchen into the living room, Brandon on one, Nate the other and of course Charlie sits next to Nate.
“You guys hungry? There’s leftover pizza,” I say as Logan sits on the couch.
“We’re good,” Nate replies at the same time that Charlie says, “We ate before we got here.”
We’re all quiet. I’m the only one standing and I know I look like an idiot—that I’m being one—so I take a seat on the opposite side of the couch as Logan.
Still, no one speaks.
Logan jumps in to save the day again, when he stands up and heads for the TV. “Anyone want to play some PlayStation? Most of his games are sports but he’s got a few good ones in there.”
“Hell yeah!” Nate stands and walks over by Logan and I can tell it’s fake. Even Charlie’s trying to pretend she’s interested.
But not Brandon. I feel his eyes and know they never shift from me.
Chapter Six
Brandon
Alec and I have spent more time apart than we have together. I mean, I know that we’ve never really completely been together because we both tried so hard for so long to think this was something that we’d get over, but physically we’ve always,
always
been states apart.
We’ve only ever had the summer for those first three years and then a few weeks together the last summer. And a month ago, just a weekend, but still, every time I saw him, even seeing him for the first time after a year and a half, it felt right. I always felt right, happy. And in some ways I know that’s a screwed-up thing to think because it shouldn’t take another person for anyone to feel good but that’s how it’s been.
Until now.
Suddenly, Alec feels a million miles ahead of me—apart from me in a way he’s never been, even when all we had were phone calls for months on end.
Only part of it is because of the bastard playing games and laughing with my brother and Charlie, who my fingers itch to punch in the face. Mostly it’s just because Alec is somewhere I’ve never been. He’s going places I won’t let myself go. My gut aches because of it but I’m also proud of him. And I
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