kitchen. “Let’s go warm up Mommy’s dinner and you can tell me all about your day, okay sweetie?”
Gloria, thankfully, left them alone in the kitchen while Maddie heard Max’s account of the day—the park, the cartoons he had watched, too many cartoons, and how grandpa had played horsey ride with him when he got home from work. Maddie nodded, smiling encouragement, popping bits of her untouched taco into his mouth while she asked him questions, trying all the while to steel herself against overwhelming feelings of loss.
It would crash in on her at odd times, like now, when she wasn’t looking for it and hadn’t the energy to steel herself against it. She wanted to fall in a heap on the cold kitchen floor. She wanted to bury her head into her hands and never look up again. But she couldn’t do that. She had to be strong for Max. But she wasn’t strong enough to block out the leaden litany of her heart drowning out the soft tones of her son’s chatter. Why did you leave us, Brandon? Why did everything have to change? I miss you so much. God help me, I miss you.
The anger was lessening, though. Now she felt mostly a raw sadness that gnawed at her insides—moments that stole her breath away and left her aching for just one more time to be in his arms.
“Come on, Max,” she coaxed, staring into the deep brown eyes of what she still had. “Let’s read a story before bedtime.”
Max nodded. “Daddy read it?”
Oh no. She really couldn’t do this tonight. Not tonight. “Daddy’s gone, Max, remember?” Her throat choked on the words, making her silently berate herself. “Mommy will read you a great story.” Her voice sounded angrier than she wanted it to. He was only two. He didn’t understand.
“Daddy’s in heaven,” Max said, pointing to the ceiling.
A tear escaped, darn it. Darn it! She would not cry tonight.
Gloria came into the room and scooped Max into her arms. “Yes, sweetie. Daddy’s in heaven having a great big time up there with God. And someday we’ll all be up there with them. But for now let’s go read that story.”
Maddie smiled at her mother through her tears. “Thanks, Mom.”
Gloria nodded, smoothed down Maddie’s hair like she used to when she was a little girl. “I’ll read the first one and then you can come in and read him his favorite.”
Maddie nodded, wiping her cheeks and sniffing.
Gloria looked deep into her daughter’s eyes. “It’s going to be okay, Maddie. It will get easier.”
“Will it?”
Gloria nodded. “I promise.”
Maddie watched her mother pad down the hall with Max’s arms wrapped around her neck and tried to pull herself together. Taking a couple of deep breaths and blowing her nose, she pasted another smile, a mother’s mask, on her face and followed them into the makeshift bedroom that had belonged to her little sister before Michelle had gone away to college.
They were lucky—blessed—to have this place to go to and parents who loved and cared for them. And she had a promising new job. She needed to focus on the good things in her life.
Maddie entered the bedroom and couldn’t help the laugh that escaped seeing Max cuddled up under her sister’s faded but soft comforter. There was another thing to be thankful for—thank God Max didn’t seem to mind the bright floral wallpaper or her sister’s big pink bed.
CHAPTER SEVEN
“ I can’t believe we’re going to this fundraiser,” Sasha gushed, climbing into the limo where Maddie sat, hands clasped tightly in her lap.
“I know! Oh, Sasha, you look amazing.”
“So do you. Who knew fairies could be so sexy?”
Maddie laughed, looking down at her white satin gown. “It’s not too much? I even have glitter eyelashes and a wand, see?” She waved it in front of Sasha’s nose.
“You look ethereal. Really. Now, what about me?”
Sasha was dressed in black from the tip of her pointy hat to the low, jagged-cut black mini-dress, black fishnets and pointy-toed red
Gloria, thankfully, left them alone in the kitchen while Maddie heard Max’s account of the day—the park, the cartoons he had watched, too many cartoons, and how grandpa had played horsey ride with him when he got home from work. Maddie nodded, smiling encouragement, popping bits of her untouched taco into his mouth while she asked him questions, trying all the while to steel herself against overwhelming feelings of loss.
It would crash in on her at odd times, like now, when she wasn’t looking for it and hadn’t the energy to steel herself against it. She wanted to fall in a heap on the cold kitchen floor. She wanted to bury her head into her hands and never look up again. But she couldn’t do that. She had to be strong for Max. But she wasn’t strong enough to block out the leaden litany of her heart drowning out the soft tones of her son’s chatter. Why did you leave us, Brandon? Why did everything have to change? I miss you so much. God help me, I miss you.
The anger was lessening, though. Now she felt mostly a raw sadness that gnawed at her insides—moments that stole her breath away and left her aching for just one more time to be in his arms.
“Come on, Max,” she coaxed, staring into the deep brown eyes of what she still had. “Let’s read a story before bedtime.”
Max nodded. “Daddy read it?”
Oh no. She really couldn’t do this tonight. Not tonight. “Daddy’s gone, Max, remember?” Her throat choked on the words, making her silently berate herself. “Mommy will read you a great story.” Her voice sounded angrier than she wanted it to. He was only two. He didn’t understand.
“Daddy’s in heaven,” Max said, pointing to the ceiling.
A tear escaped, darn it. Darn it! She would not cry tonight.
Gloria came into the room and scooped Max into her arms. “Yes, sweetie. Daddy’s in heaven having a great big time up there with God. And someday we’ll all be up there with them. But for now let’s go read that story.”
Maddie smiled at her mother through her tears. “Thanks, Mom.”
Gloria nodded, smoothed down Maddie’s hair like she used to when she was a little girl. “I’ll read the first one and then you can come in and read him his favorite.”
Maddie nodded, wiping her cheeks and sniffing.
Gloria looked deep into her daughter’s eyes. “It’s going to be okay, Maddie. It will get easier.”
“Will it?”
Gloria nodded. “I promise.”
Maddie watched her mother pad down the hall with Max’s arms wrapped around her neck and tried to pull herself together. Taking a couple of deep breaths and blowing her nose, she pasted another smile, a mother’s mask, on her face and followed them into the makeshift bedroom that had belonged to her little sister before Michelle had gone away to college.
They were lucky—blessed—to have this place to go to and parents who loved and cared for them. And she had a promising new job. She needed to focus on the good things in her life.
Maddie entered the bedroom and couldn’t help the laugh that escaped seeing Max cuddled up under her sister’s faded but soft comforter. There was another thing to be thankful for—thank God Max didn’t seem to mind the bright floral wallpaper or her sister’s big pink bed.
CHAPTER SEVEN
“ I can’t believe we’re going to this fundraiser,” Sasha gushed, climbing into the limo where Maddie sat, hands clasped tightly in her lap.
“I know! Oh, Sasha, you look amazing.”
“So do you. Who knew fairies could be so sexy?”
Maddie laughed, looking down at her white satin gown. “It’s not too much? I even have glitter eyelashes and a wand, see?” She waved it in front of Sasha’s nose.
“You look ethereal. Really. Now, what about me?”
Sasha was dressed in black from the tip of her pointy hat to the low, jagged-cut black mini-dress, black fishnets and pointy-toed red
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