heart as he had seen my wife do and he said with tears, “Daddy, Mommy is right. You are a good man.” 6
Can you see the good in your husband, even when he’s at his worst? Can you pause long enough to see the hurt behind the heat, and call him to his best? If you can learn to do that, you will move your man — directly into God’s arms.
Chapter 5: The Zarephath Legacy
How You Can Learn to Appreciate
an Imperfect Man
W hen Bobby Kennedy became the U.S. attorney general, the leaders of the civil rights movement despaired. Bobby was Irish and, according to one leader at the time, “famously not interested in the civil rights movement. We knew we were in deep trouble. We were crestfallen, in despair, talking to Martin [Luther King Jr.], moaning and groaning about the turn of events, when Dr. King slammed his hand down and ordered us to stop the [complaining]. ‘Enough of this,’ he said. ‘Is there nobody here who’s got something good to say about Bobby Kennedy?’ We said, ‘Martin, that’s what we’re telling ya! There is no one. There is nothing good to say about him. The guy’s an Irish Catholic conservative [expletive], he’s bad news.’ ” 1
Maybe at times you’ve felt this way about your husband. You see so many negatives, so many challenges and prejudices and bad habits to overcome, that you honestly can’t think of one good thing to say about him. As long as you stay in this place, you’ll never move him. You’ll never influence him.
Martin Luther King Jr. understood this, profoundly so. He looked at his fellow leaders and said, “Well, then, let’s call this meeting to a close. We will re-adjourn when somebody has found one thing redeeming to say about Bobby Kennedy, because that , my friends , is the door through which our movement will pass .” 2
King then ended the meeting, insisting that there wouldn’t be anything more to do until somebody came up with something good to say about Bobby Kennedy. In his view, there was no way they could move this man toward their position until they found one redeeming thing to say about him. That one thing would be the door of redemption, the door of influence, the door of change.
King’s plan worked. They discovered that Bobby was close to his bishop, and they worked through this bishop so effectively that, according to the same leader who once could not find a single positive thing to say about Kennedy, “there was no greater friend to the civil rights movement [than Bobby Kennedy]. There was no one we owed more of our progress to than that man.” 3
Their greatest nightmare turned into their greatest dream.
This incredible triumph was built on the power of recognizing one or two strengths, building on them, and finding the road for their movement through that. You’ll move your husband in the same way. When you find yourself in despair, overcome by negativity toward the man you married, remember the words of Martin Luther King Jr.: “We will re-adjourn when somebody has found one thing redeeming to say about Bobby Kennedy, because that, my friends, is the door through which our movement will pass.”
You’re Not Alone
Though every wife has married a man with a unique background and gifts and personality, every wife has one thing in com-mon: her husband is an imperfect man. No woman has a spouse who never gives her reason for legitimate complaint. You may, indeed, have more to complain about than others; but every wife can find something that could stand improvement — otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this book!
This presents you with a spiritual challenge. You will have to fight the natural human tendency to obsess over your husband’s weaknesses. When I urge you to affirm your husband’s strengths, I’m not minimizing his many weaknesses; I’m just encouraging you to make the daily spiritual choice of focusing on qualities for which you feel thankful. The time will come when you can address the weaknesses — after
Can you see the good in your husband, even when he’s at his worst? Can you pause long enough to see the hurt behind the heat, and call him to his best? If you can learn to do that, you will move your man — directly into God’s arms.
Chapter 5: The Zarephath Legacy
How You Can Learn to Appreciate
an Imperfect Man
W hen Bobby Kennedy became the U.S. attorney general, the leaders of the civil rights movement despaired. Bobby was Irish and, according to one leader at the time, “famously not interested in the civil rights movement. We knew we were in deep trouble. We were crestfallen, in despair, talking to Martin [Luther King Jr.], moaning and groaning about the turn of events, when Dr. King slammed his hand down and ordered us to stop the [complaining]. ‘Enough of this,’ he said. ‘Is there nobody here who’s got something good to say about Bobby Kennedy?’ We said, ‘Martin, that’s what we’re telling ya! There is no one. There is nothing good to say about him. The guy’s an Irish Catholic conservative [expletive], he’s bad news.’ ” 1
Maybe at times you’ve felt this way about your husband. You see so many negatives, so many challenges and prejudices and bad habits to overcome, that you honestly can’t think of one good thing to say about him. As long as you stay in this place, you’ll never move him. You’ll never influence him.
Martin Luther King Jr. understood this, profoundly so. He looked at his fellow leaders and said, “Well, then, let’s call this meeting to a close. We will re-adjourn when somebody has found one thing redeeming to say about Bobby Kennedy, because that , my friends , is the door through which our movement will pass .” 2
King then ended the meeting, insisting that there wouldn’t be anything more to do until somebody came up with something good to say about Bobby Kennedy. In his view, there was no way they could move this man toward their position until they found one redeeming thing to say about him. That one thing would be the door of redemption, the door of influence, the door of change.
King’s plan worked. They discovered that Bobby was close to his bishop, and they worked through this bishop so effectively that, according to the same leader who once could not find a single positive thing to say about Kennedy, “there was no greater friend to the civil rights movement [than Bobby Kennedy]. There was no one we owed more of our progress to than that man.” 3
Their greatest nightmare turned into their greatest dream.
This incredible triumph was built on the power of recognizing one or two strengths, building on them, and finding the road for their movement through that. You’ll move your husband in the same way. When you find yourself in despair, overcome by negativity toward the man you married, remember the words of Martin Luther King Jr.: “We will re-adjourn when somebody has found one thing redeeming to say about Bobby Kennedy, because that, my friends, is the door through which our movement will pass.”
You’re Not Alone
Though every wife has married a man with a unique background and gifts and personality, every wife has one thing in com-mon: her husband is an imperfect man. No woman has a spouse who never gives her reason for legitimate complaint. You may, indeed, have more to complain about than others; but every wife can find something that could stand improvement — otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this book!
This presents you with a spiritual challenge. You will have to fight the natural human tendency to obsess over your husband’s weaknesses. When I urge you to affirm your husband’s strengths, I’m not minimizing his many weaknesses; I’m just encouraging you to make the daily spiritual choice of focusing on qualities for which you feel thankful. The time will come when you can address the weaknesses — after
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