at Sidney after that party, and it all came to me, rolled out in my mind so vividly that it was as if I had been there. When the words came out of my mouth, however, I was just as surprised as he was. It was the first time I had ever done anything like that. It was actually a bit frightening. I felt like a small bird that had leaped into flight for the first time, full of trepidation but soon after elated. I felt like I had taken some drug that would make me high. It was as if I was rising off the floor.
A few days after Iâd talked to Shelly, Sidney, who was in the tenth grade, approached me in the cafeteria.I was sitting at a table with some of my classmates. Everyone was surprised at how angry she looked. She stepped right up beside me, practically pushing me out of my seat.
âI want to talk to you,â she began.
âHere?â
âAnywhere. It doesnât matter. Why are you spreading stories about me?â she demanded.
Sidney was a good two inches taller than I was and had reddish-blond hair cut in a bob. She had delicate facial features and striking green eyes. The only feature that detracted from her good looks was that her neck was a little longer than normal. I thought sheâd look better with a longer hairstyle because of that, but I wasnât about to suggest anything to her now or ever.
âIâm not spreading any stories about you.â
She glanced at the other girls at the table. None of them was particularly close to me. None would ever defend me. In fact, they looked amused, happy to see me being dressed down.
âYou told someone I had an alcohol intolerance and became seriously ill at a party.â
I shrugged. âIsnât that true?â I asked. âItâs nothing to be ashamed of.â
âIâm not ashamed of anything, you nit. Who told you to say that?â
âNobody.â
âYouâre a liar. I ought to pull your hair out, you and whoever put you up to it.â
âNo one put me up to anything.â
âRight. You just came up with that out of thin air. Donâtmake up any more stories about me, or Iâll come looking for you,â she said.
She marched off to join her friends, who all looked back at me, trying to outdo one another with expressions of rage. I looked at the other girls at my table. The silence felt like the inside of a tornado.
âWho told you to tell that story about her?â Susan Mayo asked me.
âNo one.â
âThen where did you get it?â
âI just knew it. Sheâs lying about it, but worse, sheâs lying to herself. Sheâs going to get into bigger trouble.â
I actually envisioned funeral wreaths, but I didnât say it. I must have had a shocked expression on my face. No one spoke. They stared at me.
âItâs true. Itâs not a lie,â I said. âSheâs just embarrassed about it.â
âHow do you know all that?â Susan asked. âYou donât hang out with her friends, so you wouldnât hear them talking. Did you sneak into the nurseâs office and read some private stuff or something? Well?â
âNo. I just know,â I said.
âYouâre hiding someone,â Marge Coombe said. âTheyâre going to find out eventually. Youâre stupid to protect them. Is it a boy, someone you like or who likes you?â
âNo. Iâm telling you all the truth. No one told me that story.â
âNo one told you? You just knew?â Susan asked.
âYes.â
âDelusional,âshe told the others.
The word brought back memories of my therapy. Was she right? I couldnât explain to them how I knew. I couldnât tell them about my visions and dreams, about the voices I had heard all my life. Of course they would think I was delusional, just as my therapist had, but deep inside, I couldnât stop believing that I was right.
I didnât think the incident got back to my
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