think they can just take what they want when they want it. I would never consider walking up and grabbing hold of a man’s balls. What makes them think it’s okay to touch any part of me without my permission?”
Lexi realized quickly that talking about it was just pissing Chloe off again, so she changed the subject. “I’m going tanning tomorrow morning. Want to come with me?”
Chloe smiled. She wished that her mind worked like Lexi’s did. A facial or a tan and all was right with the world once again. Maybe she should try working on that mind set. After all, if Jesse was coming, there was nothing she could do about it until he got there.
“Sure,” she said. They drove the rest of the way in silence and when they got home, Chloe went straight into her room. She locked her door and pulled out her journal.
––––––––
J une 21,
I went to work tonight and I hadn’t been there for an hour before I was fondled. The feel of the stranger’s hands on me and the look of entitlement on his face made me want to kill him. I could actually see myself in my head, snapping his neck with my bare hands. I suppressed that rage...controlled it.
The second time I didn’t even try. I realized by allowing that man to get away with touching me, I was giving consent. Just like all of the times I stayed after Jesse slapped me around or kicked me or pulled my hair out in chunks by the roots...I was giving consent. When I unleased on that second guy I wasn’t even thinking. The rage had taken over at that point and I was damned well going to make sure that he knew I wasn’t consenting to having his disgusting hands on me. I listen to the other girls I work with talking about the money and I wonder what we have come to as a gender...as humans, that money can overshadow dignity and security. In a way, I’m glad what took place tonight happened. Now I know at least that when Jesse shows up at my door that I’ll be ready. I didn’t freeze up, I didn’t blink and I didn’t let that man that outweighed me by at least eighty pounds, get the better of me. If and when Jesse does find me, he’s going to leave in a world of hurt...or dead.
Chloe put the journal away and changed into a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. She slipped on her tennis shoes and made her way out to the beach. It was late, or early...depending on how you looked at it, but she wasn’t going to be able to sleep either way. The beach was deserted and the high tide rolled in and out on a cool breeze that left a spray of salt air across her face each time that it did. On their way into work earlier the sunset had radiated across the cloudy sky, turning them into molten streaks of pink and orange. Now that the sun was gone, the clouds acted like a cover to the moon and stars and the night was completely black. Chloe usually felt better outside. The beach could almost always calm her and help her organize her thoughts. Tonight the darkness felt claustrophobic, or maybe that was just her life.
*******
“C hloe?” she woke to the sound of a light tapping and Lexi’s voice. Her room was bright. The rays of the sun were pressing hard through the windows and against the blinds, waiting to be let in. She blinked a few times as she woke up and then the first thought of the day hit her upside the head like a hammer: Jesse would be out soon. “Chloe, are you awake? Why did you lock the door?”
“Yeah, I’m up, Lex. I’ll be out in a few.” She pulled herself up out of the bed and went into the bathroom. Her hair was matted from her time on the beach and she’d forgotten to take out her contacts so her eyes were dry and red. Her right hand was throbbing and she looked down and saw that her knuckles were swollen to almost twice their normal size and one of them had dried blood across it like it had been split open. She didn’t remember bleeding last night...but this morning it was all kind of a blur. She washed her face and brushed her teeth and hair
Lexi realized quickly that talking about it was just pissing Chloe off again, so she changed the subject. “I’m going tanning tomorrow morning. Want to come with me?”
Chloe smiled. She wished that her mind worked like Lexi’s did. A facial or a tan and all was right with the world once again. Maybe she should try working on that mind set. After all, if Jesse was coming, there was nothing she could do about it until he got there.
“Sure,” she said. They drove the rest of the way in silence and when they got home, Chloe went straight into her room. She locked her door and pulled out her journal.
––––––––
J une 21,
I went to work tonight and I hadn’t been there for an hour before I was fondled. The feel of the stranger’s hands on me and the look of entitlement on his face made me want to kill him. I could actually see myself in my head, snapping his neck with my bare hands. I suppressed that rage...controlled it.
The second time I didn’t even try. I realized by allowing that man to get away with touching me, I was giving consent. Just like all of the times I stayed after Jesse slapped me around or kicked me or pulled my hair out in chunks by the roots...I was giving consent. When I unleased on that second guy I wasn’t even thinking. The rage had taken over at that point and I was damned well going to make sure that he knew I wasn’t consenting to having his disgusting hands on me. I listen to the other girls I work with talking about the money and I wonder what we have come to as a gender...as humans, that money can overshadow dignity and security. In a way, I’m glad what took place tonight happened. Now I know at least that when Jesse shows up at my door that I’ll be ready. I didn’t freeze up, I didn’t blink and I didn’t let that man that outweighed me by at least eighty pounds, get the better of me. If and when Jesse does find me, he’s going to leave in a world of hurt...or dead.
Chloe put the journal away and changed into a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. She slipped on her tennis shoes and made her way out to the beach. It was late, or early...depending on how you looked at it, but she wasn’t going to be able to sleep either way. The beach was deserted and the high tide rolled in and out on a cool breeze that left a spray of salt air across her face each time that it did. On their way into work earlier the sunset had radiated across the cloudy sky, turning them into molten streaks of pink and orange. Now that the sun was gone, the clouds acted like a cover to the moon and stars and the night was completely black. Chloe usually felt better outside. The beach could almost always calm her and help her organize her thoughts. Tonight the darkness felt claustrophobic, or maybe that was just her life.
*******
“C hloe?” she woke to the sound of a light tapping and Lexi’s voice. Her room was bright. The rays of the sun were pressing hard through the windows and against the blinds, waiting to be let in. She blinked a few times as she woke up and then the first thought of the day hit her upside the head like a hammer: Jesse would be out soon. “Chloe, are you awake? Why did you lock the door?”
“Yeah, I’m up, Lex. I’ll be out in a few.” She pulled herself up out of the bed and went into the bathroom. Her hair was matted from her time on the beach and she’d forgotten to take out her contacts so her eyes were dry and red. Her right hand was throbbing and she looked down and saw that her knuckles were swollen to almost twice their normal size and one of them had dried blood across it like it had been split open. She didn’t remember bleeding last night...but this morning it was all kind of a blur. She washed her face and brushed her teeth and hair
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