says. “But it looks like she’s trying to hide how she feels.”
Meghan throws her brush down. “What is it with you people? You’re not happy unless you dig something up, are you? Well, guess what? There’s nothing for you to find!”
I try to shut out what she’s saying. But the room is too small, her voice too harsh, and I’m drowning in the pain that fills the room.
“Nobody’s hurt me!” Meghan shouts. “Nobody’s snuck into my room at night and climbed into my bed, nobody’s put an iron to my face. All right? I’m not some abused kid!”
Dark spots dance in front of me.
I’m rocking on a bed, pain like a knife between my legs and blood on the sheets. “If you tell, you will die,” he says, his voice low and hoarse.
I can hear his voice now, can hear it as clearly as if he’s right here beside me. But I can’t let myself recognize his voice. I won’t.
Images rip through my brain, pounding behind my eyes.
His huge body on top of mine, driving into me. My hands gripping the sheets. My body arched with pain.
I shudder.
Meghan crumples up her painting and tosses it on the floor.
Julie reaches down and picks it up, smoothing it out.
“Just forget it!” Meghan yells, her voice breaking—breaking, the way I am inside. I feel the pain in her, as strong as my own. I feel her terror at being cornered, at someone trying to rip out the secrets embedded in her skin.
“Leave her alone!” I scream, leaping from my chair. “Just leave her alone!”
“I wasn’t talking to you,” Julie says. “I was talking to Meghan.”
“But she doesn’t
want
to talk!” I say, trembling. “Stop trying to make her!”
Everyone is staring at me, even Mrs. Archer. Especially Mrs. Archer. I sink back into my chair, my face burning. I’ve really done it now.
Julie rubs her hand over her eyes. “Maybe I did push a little too hard,” she says, turning to Meghan. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey, it’s no skin off my back,” Meghan says, but she looks close to tears. She pushes her hair out of her eyes and smiles, her lips quivering.
I can’t smile back. I clench my hands under the table, digging my nails into my skin. I need to cut.
“Kendra? How’re you doing?” Julie asks, resting a hand on my shoulder.
“Fine,” I say. “Just fine.”
11
Julie and Mrs. Archer look at each other across the table, and I know they don’t believe me. I’m shaking so hard I can hear my teeth chatter.
Julie’s hand is still on my shoulder. She leans down close. “Come outside with me.”
I follow her out of the room, into the hallway. The fluorescent lights flicker and buzz.
Julie closes the door and looks at me, her eyes sad. “Something really upset you in there, didn’t it?”
“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“That’s not what worries me.” Julie tilts her head to one side. “Why were you so upset when I was trying to get Meghan to talk?”
“Because sometimes it isn’t safe to,” I say without thinking. I close my mouth fast. I need to shut myself down right now. I need to cut.
“Sometimes it’s not safe to,” Julie says. “Is that what it’s like for you?”
His hand, gripping my wrist. His lips against my ear.
I blink hard, pushing the shadows away.
I’ve got to think my way out of this. I’ve got to keep her from the truth.
“I’ve got a therapist,” I say. “Carolyn Fairchild. You can call her if you like. But I’m already dealing with it.”
“I will kill you if you tell.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” Julie says.
I want to cut so bad, it’s hard to concentrate. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I have to go to the bathroom.”
Julie studies me. “You’re sure you don’t want to—”
“I’ve really got to go.”
“All right. But come straight back.”
I force myself to walk slowly away—but as soon as I round the corner, out of her sight, I’m running, flying toward my release. I smash into the bathroom and shut myself into a stall.
I have the
Meghan throws her brush down. “What is it with you people? You’re not happy unless you dig something up, are you? Well, guess what? There’s nothing for you to find!”
I try to shut out what she’s saying. But the room is too small, her voice too harsh, and I’m drowning in the pain that fills the room.
“Nobody’s hurt me!” Meghan shouts. “Nobody’s snuck into my room at night and climbed into my bed, nobody’s put an iron to my face. All right? I’m not some abused kid!”
Dark spots dance in front of me.
I’m rocking on a bed, pain like a knife between my legs and blood on the sheets. “If you tell, you will die,” he says, his voice low and hoarse.
I can hear his voice now, can hear it as clearly as if he’s right here beside me. But I can’t let myself recognize his voice. I won’t.
Images rip through my brain, pounding behind my eyes.
His huge body on top of mine, driving into me. My hands gripping the sheets. My body arched with pain.
I shudder.
Meghan crumples up her painting and tosses it on the floor.
Julie reaches down and picks it up, smoothing it out.
“Just forget it!” Meghan yells, her voice breaking—breaking, the way I am inside. I feel the pain in her, as strong as my own. I feel her terror at being cornered, at someone trying to rip out the secrets embedded in her skin.
“Leave her alone!” I scream, leaping from my chair. “Just leave her alone!”
“I wasn’t talking to you,” Julie says. “I was talking to Meghan.”
“But she doesn’t
want
to talk!” I say, trembling. “Stop trying to make her!”
Everyone is staring at me, even Mrs. Archer. Especially Mrs. Archer. I sink back into my chair, my face burning. I’ve really done it now.
Julie rubs her hand over her eyes. “Maybe I did push a little too hard,” she says, turning to Meghan. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey, it’s no skin off my back,” Meghan says, but she looks close to tears. She pushes her hair out of her eyes and smiles, her lips quivering.
I can’t smile back. I clench my hands under the table, digging my nails into my skin. I need to cut.
“Kendra? How’re you doing?” Julie asks, resting a hand on my shoulder.
“Fine,” I say. “Just fine.”
11
Julie and Mrs. Archer look at each other across the table, and I know they don’t believe me. I’m shaking so hard I can hear my teeth chatter.
Julie’s hand is still on my shoulder. She leans down close. “Come outside with me.”
I follow her out of the room, into the hallway. The fluorescent lights flicker and buzz.
Julie closes the door and looks at me, her eyes sad. “Something really upset you in there, didn’t it?”
“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“That’s not what worries me.” Julie tilts her head to one side. “Why were you so upset when I was trying to get Meghan to talk?”
“Because sometimes it isn’t safe to,” I say without thinking. I close my mouth fast. I need to shut myself down right now. I need to cut.
“Sometimes it’s not safe to,” Julie says. “Is that what it’s like for you?”
His hand, gripping my wrist. His lips against my ear.
I blink hard, pushing the shadows away.
I’ve got to think my way out of this. I’ve got to keep her from the truth.
“I’ve got a therapist,” I say. “Carolyn Fairchild. You can call her if you like. But I’m already dealing with it.”
“I will kill you if you tell.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” Julie says.
I want to cut so bad, it’s hard to concentrate. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I have to go to the bathroom.”
Julie studies me. “You’re sure you don’t want to—”
“I’ve really got to go.”
“All right. But come straight back.”
I force myself to walk slowly away—but as soon as I round the corner, out of her sight, I’m running, flying toward my release. I smash into the bathroom and shut myself into a stall.
I have the
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