thousands
of people. We, he discarded. We were lucky. There is no reason now
for us to get involved. We’ve been paid off, and have a safe haven.
You think I’m waiting here to find a way to Shemyaza? You’re wrong.
I’m not sure whether I can go back to Vienna. But that has nothing
to do with him . I have a feeling that I’ve moved on to a new
cycle in my life. Going back belongs to feeling hurt and betrayed.
I want to be here now, in England.’
Aninka had not expected to hear
anything like that. ‘What about your... people you’re close to in
Europe?’ she asked lamely.
Taziel shrugged. ‘I’m not in
love with anyone, if that’s what you mean. Peverel Othman killed
that in me. There’s no-one in Vienna who can’t survive without me.
I’m a better person here.’
Lahash shifted uneasily in his
chair, as if he found the honesty of Taziel’s remarks painful to
hear.
Aninka shook her head. ‘This is
all too much. We mustn’t argue. Anyone want a drink?’ She went to
the liquor cupboard and poured out the drinks in silence. When she
handed Taziel a glass of rum, Lahash said,
‘You know where he is, don’t
you, Taz?’
Taziel and Aninka froze, both
their hands wrapped around the tumbler. Aninka could have slapped
Lahash. Why didn’t he let it drop for now? Nothing would be gained
by bullying Taziel. Left alone with him, she was sure she’d be able
to convince him to co-operate. How could she intimate this to
Lahash before he ruined every chance?
Taziel took the drink from
Aninka’s hand. ‘Of course I do,’ he replied.
‘What?’ Aninka cried. ‘You
do?’
Taziel nodded, took a sip. ‘I
can’t help knowing. But I do try to ignore it.’ He laughed at
Lahash’s expression; a melange of surprise, excitement and hope.
‘But that doesn’t mean I’m going to concentrate and tell you
exactly where he is. I’m sorry, Lahash. It’s one ghost I’ve got to
let rest.’
‘And you’re quite content to
live the rest of your life knowing Shemyaza is around, feeling him around?’ Lahash shook his head. ‘Doesn’t it
bother you he has such an affect on you? It’s an intrusion, isn’t
it, that presence in your head? Continual mental rape. I think
you’re a coward. You’re afraid of him.’
Taziel laughed again, with even
less warmth than before. ‘Yeah. I am. And you’re not? If you answer
no to that question, then you’re not qualified to try and find him.
Only a fool would not be afraid of him. He would crush you like a
hollow bone.’
Lahash shook his head. ‘Help me
find him, Taz. . . Just tell me where he is. That’s all I ask. You
don’t have to face him, if that’s what you’re scared of.’
‘He will kill you,’ Taziel
replied, sipping his rum.
‘Just tell me.’ Lahash’s voice
was quiet, his eyes dark and direct.
Taziel shook his head.
‘No.’
Lahash left soon after,
although in the privacy of the hall arranged to meet Aninka for
lunch the following day. ‘I’ll do what I can,’ she whispered as she
closed the door on him. In her heart, she was afraid that Lahash’s
attraction to her was far outweighed by his desire to snare
Shemyaza. Feeling slightly depressed by this thought, she went back
into living-room and poured herself another brandy. Taziel had
turned on the TV and was now watching the ten o’clock news.
Aninka stared at him, willing
him to look up, but he clearly sensed her desire and ignored her.
Sighing, she sat down on the chair, which was still warm from
Lahash’s body. After a few minutes, Taziel said, ‘You’ll never get
Othman back, Ninka. He’s dead.’
Aninka shuddered. ‘I know.
Despite what you think, I really don’t want to.’
Taziel glanced at her. ‘But you
feel the same way as Lahash does. It wouldn’t take much to fire you
up into a search lust again, would it?’
Aninka found she was shivering.
‘No. I admit that. I still want him found and... contained.’
Taziel shook his head slowly.
‘It’s too dangerous,
of people. We, he discarded. We were lucky. There is no reason now
for us to get involved. We’ve been paid off, and have a safe haven.
You think I’m waiting here to find a way to Shemyaza? You’re wrong.
I’m not sure whether I can go back to Vienna. But that has nothing
to do with him . I have a feeling that I’ve moved on to a new
cycle in my life. Going back belongs to feeling hurt and betrayed.
I want to be here now, in England.’
Aninka had not expected to hear
anything like that. ‘What about your... people you’re close to in
Europe?’ she asked lamely.
Taziel shrugged. ‘I’m not in
love with anyone, if that’s what you mean. Peverel Othman killed
that in me. There’s no-one in Vienna who can’t survive without me.
I’m a better person here.’
Lahash shifted uneasily in his
chair, as if he found the honesty of Taziel’s remarks painful to
hear.
Aninka shook her head. ‘This is
all too much. We mustn’t argue. Anyone want a drink?’ She went to
the liquor cupboard and poured out the drinks in silence. When she
handed Taziel a glass of rum, Lahash said,
‘You know where he is, don’t
you, Taz?’
Taziel and Aninka froze, both
their hands wrapped around the tumbler. Aninka could have slapped
Lahash. Why didn’t he let it drop for now? Nothing would be gained
by bullying Taziel. Left alone with him, she was sure she’d be able
to convince him to co-operate. How could she intimate this to
Lahash before he ruined every chance?
Taziel took the drink from
Aninka’s hand. ‘Of course I do,’ he replied.
‘What?’ Aninka cried. ‘You
do?’
Taziel nodded, took a sip. ‘I
can’t help knowing. But I do try to ignore it.’ He laughed at
Lahash’s expression; a melange of surprise, excitement and hope.
‘But that doesn’t mean I’m going to concentrate and tell you
exactly where he is. I’m sorry, Lahash. It’s one ghost I’ve got to
let rest.’
‘And you’re quite content to
live the rest of your life knowing Shemyaza is around, feeling him around?’ Lahash shook his head. ‘Doesn’t it
bother you he has such an affect on you? It’s an intrusion, isn’t
it, that presence in your head? Continual mental rape. I think
you’re a coward. You’re afraid of him.’
Taziel laughed again, with even
less warmth than before. ‘Yeah. I am. And you’re not? If you answer
no to that question, then you’re not qualified to try and find him.
Only a fool would not be afraid of him. He would crush you like a
hollow bone.’
Lahash shook his head. ‘Help me
find him, Taz. . . Just tell me where he is. That’s all I ask. You
don’t have to face him, if that’s what you’re scared of.’
‘He will kill you,’ Taziel
replied, sipping his rum.
‘Just tell me.’ Lahash’s voice
was quiet, his eyes dark and direct.
Taziel shook his head.
‘No.’
Lahash left soon after,
although in the privacy of the hall arranged to meet Aninka for
lunch the following day. ‘I’ll do what I can,’ she whispered as she
closed the door on him. In her heart, she was afraid that Lahash’s
attraction to her was far outweighed by his desire to snare
Shemyaza. Feeling slightly depressed by this thought, she went back
into living-room and poured herself another brandy. Taziel had
turned on the TV and was now watching the ten o’clock news.
Aninka stared at him, willing
him to look up, but he clearly sensed her desire and ignored her.
Sighing, she sat down on the chair, which was still warm from
Lahash’s body. After a few minutes, Taziel said, ‘You’ll never get
Othman back, Ninka. He’s dead.’
Aninka shuddered. ‘I know.
Despite what you think, I really don’t want to.’
Taziel glanced at her. ‘But you
feel the same way as Lahash does. It wouldn’t take much to fire you
up into a search lust again, would it?’
Aninka found she was shivering.
‘No. I admit that. I still want him found and... contained.’
Taziel shook his head slowly.
‘It’s too dangerous,
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