attention and look into this Mr Warren. But at least Georgina is excited and cheerful. And thank God I shall soon be well enough to go home – perhaps in time, if necessary, to prevent lasting damage.’
Five days later, Asa again fled the hotel to meet Didier, although she stood for some minutes in the shadow of the wall opposite his apartment before she dared go in. It is the time, she thought, the time leaves me no choice. Morality, in Paris, was turned on its head. To be a patriot was to despise the king. To be a peacemaker was to accept the status quo and force years more suffering on the poor. To be pure in heart was to long for tumult. Besides, it seemed to Asa that she had been committed to this moment long before she first set eyes on Didier; in fact ever since she had been chosen, rather than Georgina, to come on this wedding trip.
Staring up at Didier’s window, she thought of the screen which divided his room. Her own body, in the dappled shade of the beech tree, felt young and intact. Nineteen years old. What was she thinking of? There was only one possible way forward: the right thing to do was to wait.
So she climbed the stairs slowly, heart in mouth, telling herself that she was here simply to drink a cup of coffee; that was all. And perhaps Didier had come to the same conclusion, for he sat at a distance while they talked of Philippa’s improved health and the wrangling that was still going on about how delegates to the Estates General might be elected. Asa had not seen him as self-contained and remote. After a while she thought miserably: perhaps he doesn’t desire me at all. There he sat in his shirtsleeves, one arm hooked over the back of his chair, so beautiful with his bare throat and dishevelled hair, a faint sheen of perspiration on his upper lip.
As the conversation died between them, she got up abruptly. ‘I’ll go, then. My sister might be missing me.’
‘As you wish.’
Struggling to hold back tears, she walked to the door, but at last he reached out and caught her hand. ‘Why did you come?’
‘You wrote to me. I thought you wanted to see me.’
‘And you. What did you want?’
‘I wanted to be with you.’
‘Here you are.’
‘Why are you being so cold, Didier? I don’t understand. We have so little time.’
‘Yes, we have little time, as you keep telling me. But what am I to do about it? There is nowhere for us to go. It seems to me that we have reached the end. I don’t have anything to offer you. Not a penny. Certainly not a roof over your head or any kind of future. I wish I had never met you.’
‘Don’t say that, Didier.’
‘For God’s sake, Thomasina, I am flesh and blood. To be with you in this room is torture. Yes, I invited you, but the truth of you, your beauty, the way you are looking at me … can’t you see what you are doing to me?’
‘Didier. Why do you think I’m here? I’m perhaps not as foolish or naive as you think.’
‘You are unprotected. I have been totally in the wrong. It’s madness. If I had met you some other time, last summer or next, everything would have been much clearer. We must wait …’
‘I can’t wait.’ She kissed the back of his hand. ‘I love you, I love you. That’s all. What does anything else matter?’
She clung to him, wrapping her arms about his waist so that she felt his hot body under the fabric of his shirt, burying her face in his neck and inhaling the lovely scent of him. Soon he was caressing her waist and breast, kissing her throat, drawing her towards the bed. ‘Is this what you want?’
‘Don’t ask. How can you ask?’
They fell amid the crumpled sheets and thin blankets and she shuddered as he kissed her breast and began to unhook her gown, kissing the newly exposed skin between each fastening, working at the billows of her skirts with his knee. Didier’s touch on her naked breasts was reverential. Asa’s bare toes traced a vertical bar on his bedstead and her skin contracted
Five days later, Asa again fled the hotel to meet Didier, although she stood for some minutes in the shadow of the wall opposite his apartment before she dared go in. It is the time, she thought, the time leaves me no choice. Morality, in Paris, was turned on its head. To be a patriot was to despise the king. To be a peacemaker was to accept the status quo and force years more suffering on the poor. To be pure in heart was to long for tumult. Besides, it seemed to Asa that she had been committed to this moment long before she first set eyes on Didier; in fact ever since she had been chosen, rather than Georgina, to come on this wedding trip.
Staring up at Didier’s window, she thought of the screen which divided his room. Her own body, in the dappled shade of the beech tree, felt young and intact. Nineteen years old. What was she thinking of? There was only one possible way forward: the right thing to do was to wait.
So she climbed the stairs slowly, heart in mouth, telling herself that she was here simply to drink a cup of coffee; that was all. And perhaps Didier had come to the same conclusion, for he sat at a distance while they talked of Philippa’s improved health and the wrangling that was still going on about how delegates to the Estates General might be elected. Asa had not seen him as self-contained and remote. After a while she thought miserably: perhaps he doesn’t desire me at all. There he sat in his shirtsleeves, one arm hooked over the back of his chair, so beautiful with his bare throat and dishevelled hair, a faint sheen of perspiration on his upper lip.
As the conversation died between them, she got up abruptly. ‘I’ll go, then. My sister might be missing me.’
‘As you wish.’
Struggling to hold back tears, she walked to the door, but at last he reached out and caught her hand. ‘Why did you come?’
‘You wrote to me. I thought you wanted to see me.’
‘And you. What did you want?’
‘I wanted to be with you.’
‘Here you are.’
‘Why are you being so cold, Didier? I don’t understand. We have so little time.’
‘Yes, we have little time, as you keep telling me. But what am I to do about it? There is nowhere for us to go. It seems to me that we have reached the end. I don’t have anything to offer you. Not a penny. Certainly not a roof over your head or any kind of future. I wish I had never met you.’
‘Don’t say that, Didier.’
‘For God’s sake, Thomasina, I am flesh and blood. To be with you in this room is torture. Yes, I invited you, but the truth of you, your beauty, the way you are looking at me … can’t you see what you are doing to me?’
‘Didier. Why do you think I’m here? I’m perhaps not as foolish or naive as you think.’
‘You are unprotected. I have been totally in the wrong. It’s madness. If I had met you some other time, last summer or next, everything would have been much clearer. We must wait …’
‘I can’t wait.’ She kissed the back of his hand. ‘I love you, I love you. That’s all. What does anything else matter?’
She clung to him, wrapping her arms about his waist so that she felt his hot body under the fabric of his shirt, burying her face in his neck and inhaling the lovely scent of him. Soon he was caressing her waist and breast, kissing her throat, drawing her towards the bed. ‘Is this what you want?’
‘Don’t ask. How can you ask?’
They fell amid the crumpled sheets and thin blankets and she shuddered as he kissed her breast and began to unhook her gown, kissing the newly exposed skin between each fastening, working at the billows of her skirts with his knee. Didier’s touch on her naked breasts was reverential. Asa’s bare toes traced a vertical bar on his bedstead and her skin contracted
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