proof for an
accusation like that?”
Rafe’s heart sank. Of course Ben wouldn’t believe him. “Some things never change.
I hear the same song, over and over again. I live the same lie. There are corrupt people
with power, and they use it to prey on the weak. I don’t have to prove that to you. It’s
everywhere. It’s all around us.”
“But do you have proof that in Walter Hart and Ian Gorsky’s case the police were
shaking them down?” Ben asked again. This time Rafe sensed he was really asking , not
dismissing the story out of hand.
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I am the proof. One night, Ian and I were alone
in the shop. I was dusting, I believe, and he was up front rearranging the things in the
window. He suddenly begged me to hide under a display table. It had a cloth that went
Z. A. Maxfield | Secret Light
45
all the way to the ground. At the time, I think he wanted to keep me safe, but also
maybe to use me later as a witness.”
“And?”
“Two uniformed police officers came in. They made veiled threats and demanded a
Bolex 8mm movie camera. I don’t know what they took the other times, but that time
Ian handed over that camera. Ian begged them to go away, to let it end there. He said
the store would go out of business if they continued to rob him, and they laughed at
him. They said he was lucky they weren’t arresting him for being a faggot . They left
with the camera—without paying a dime for it. Ian said that sort of thing was
happening more and more often.”
“ Christ .”
“That day, Walter and Ian had the first fight I’d ever witnessed between them.
Walter wouldn’t allow me to tell anyone what I’d seen, and he was furious at Ian for
even considering it.”
“You can’t go up against a dirty cop. Even other cops steer clear, if they can. They
look the other way or find a way to solve the problem in-house.” Ben sat flexing his
fingers in the darkness. His very presence seemed smaller though, as if hearing Rafe’s
story diminished him. As if it defeated him.
“Ian said they had to do something or they would lose everything, but Walter was
furious that he involved me. He asked how a skinny German-speaking refugee kid was
going to get anyone to listen to him about corrupt cops in 1946. In the end, Walter
thought if he could follow them, get a picture of them extorting someone else, they
might stand a chance.”
“But they caught him at it,” Ben whispered.
“Yes. He was arrested. They pulled him in on some phony charge of soliciting sex
in Pershing Square.”
“And he died in custody. I read the file. His family made a big stink, but in the end,
there was no proof and nothing to be done.”
Z. A. Maxfield | Secret Light
46
“Ian took a handful of sleeping pills a week later.”
“And you lost your best friends.”
“I lost my only friends.” Rafe’s eyes burned. He’d never shared this with anyone. “It
was like losing my parents all over again.”
“My God, Rafe.”
“Two words. Walter Hart. Can you tell me things are any different now?”
“No. Things aren’t different now.” Ben sighed heavily. He rose and walked to
where Rafe sat, silent now, and knelt so Rafe could see him clearly. Mooki took that
opportunity to cuddle up to him. “Hey, Mooki. Sweet thing.”
“What is it you want from me?” Rafe asked.
“I thought maybe we could be friends.”
“You want more than friendship.” Rafe could feel it in his gut. He hated to put such
a thing so blatantly, but he had to be sure they understood one another. “You think I
might want more than that.”
“Yes.” Ben met his eyes. “I think you do.”
Rafe felt the blood drain from his face. “What makes you different from the men
who took my friends’ cameras?”
Ben’s jaw clenched, but his eyes remained calm. “I will never, ever take anything
from you that isn’t freely given.” Ben laid his hand lightly over Rafe’s.
Rafe felt
accusation like that?”
Rafe’s heart sank. Of course Ben wouldn’t believe him. “Some things never change.
I hear the same song, over and over again. I live the same lie. There are corrupt people
with power, and they use it to prey on the weak. I don’t have to prove that to you. It’s
everywhere. It’s all around us.”
“But do you have proof that in Walter Hart and Ian Gorsky’s case the police were
shaking them down?” Ben asked again. This time Rafe sensed he was really asking , not
dismissing the story out of hand.
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I am the proof. One night, Ian and I were alone
in the shop. I was dusting, I believe, and he was up front rearranging the things in the
window. He suddenly begged me to hide under a display table. It had a cloth that went
Z. A. Maxfield | Secret Light
45
all the way to the ground. At the time, I think he wanted to keep me safe, but also
maybe to use me later as a witness.”
“And?”
“Two uniformed police officers came in. They made veiled threats and demanded a
Bolex 8mm movie camera. I don’t know what they took the other times, but that time
Ian handed over that camera. Ian begged them to go away, to let it end there. He said
the store would go out of business if they continued to rob him, and they laughed at
him. They said he was lucky they weren’t arresting him for being a faggot . They left
with the camera—without paying a dime for it. Ian said that sort of thing was
happening more and more often.”
“ Christ .”
“That day, Walter and Ian had the first fight I’d ever witnessed between them.
Walter wouldn’t allow me to tell anyone what I’d seen, and he was furious at Ian for
even considering it.”
“You can’t go up against a dirty cop. Even other cops steer clear, if they can. They
look the other way or find a way to solve the problem in-house.” Ben sat flexing his
fingers in the darkness. His very presence seemed smaller though, as if hearing Rafe’s
story diminished him. As if it defeated him.
“Ian said they had to do something or they would lose everything, but Walter was
furious that he involved me. He asked how a skinny German-speaking refugee kid was
going to get anyone to listen to him about corrupt cops in 1946. In the end, Walter
thought if he could follow them, get a picture of them extorting someone else, they
might stand a chance.”
“But they caught him at it,” Ben whispered.
“Yes. He was arrested. They pulled him in on some phony charge of soliciting sex
in Pershing Square.”
“And he died in custody. I read the file. His family made a big stink, but in the end,
there was no proof and nothing to be done.”
Z. A. Maxfield | Secret Light
46
“Ian took a handful of sleeping pills a week later.”
“And you lost your best friends.”
“I lost my only friends.” Rafe’s eyes burned. He’d never shared this with anyone. “It
was like losing my parents all over again.”
“My God, Rafe.”
“Two words. Walter Hart. Can you tell me things are any different now?”
“No. Things aren’t different now.” Ben sighed heavily. He rose and walked to
where Rafe sat, silent now, and knelt so Rafe could see him clearly. Mooki took that
opportunity to cuddle up to him. “Hey, Mooki. Sweet thing.”
“What is it you want from me?” Rafe asked.
“I thought maybe we could be friends.”
“You want more than friendship.” Rafe could feel it in his gut. He hated to put such
a thing so blatantly, but he had to be sure they understood one another. “You think I
might want more than that.”
“Yes.” Ben met his eyes. “I think you do.”
Rafe felt the blood drain from his face. “What makes you different from the men
who took my friends’ cameras?”
Ben’s jaw clenched, but his eyes remained calm. “I will never, ever take anything
from you that isn’t freely given.” Ben laid his hand lightly over Rafe’s.
Rafe felt
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