Service with a Smile by P.G. Wodehouse Page B

other’s
presence there, for the proprietor of a country house has of course a perfect
right to cross lawns on his own premises, but the fact that he was wet. Indeed,
the word ‘wet’ was barely adequate. He was soaked from head to foot and playing
like a Versailles fountain.
    This
puzzled Lord Ickenham. He was aware that his host sometimes took a dip in the
lake, but he had not known that he did it immediately after breakfast with all
his clothes on, and abandoning his usual policy of allowing nothing to get him
out of his hammock till the hour of the midday cocktail, he started in pursuit.
    Lord Emsworth
was cutting out a good pace, so good that he remained out of earshot, and he
had disappeared into the house before Lord Ickenham reached it. The latter,
shrewdly reasoning that a wet man would make for his bedroom, followed him
there. He found him in the nude, drying himself with a bath towel, and
immediately put the question which would have occurred to anyone in his place.
    ‘My
dear fellow, what happened? Did you fall into the lake?’
    Lord Emsworth
lowered the towel and reached for a patched shirt.
    ‘Eh?
Oh, hullo, Ickenham. Did you say you had fallen into the lake?’
    ‘I
asked if you had.’
    ‘I? Oh,
no.’
    ‘Don’t
tell me that was merely perspiration you were bathed in when I saw you on the
lawn?’
    ‘Eh? No,
I perspire very little. But I did not fall into the lake. I dived in.’
    ‘With
your clothes on?’
    ‘Yes, I
had my clothes on.’
    ‘Any
particular reason for diving? Or did it just seem a good idea at the time?’
    ‘I had
lost my glasses.’
    ‘And
you thought they might be in the lake?’
    Lord Emsworth
appeared to realize that he had not made himself altogether clear. For some
moments he busied himself with a pair of trousers. Having succeeded in draping
his long legs in these, he explained.
    ‘No, it
was not that. But when I am without my glasses, I find a difficulty in seeing
properly. And I had no reason to suppose that the boy was not accurate in his
statement.’
    ‘What
boy was that?’
    ‘One of
the Church Lads. I spoke to you about them, if you remember.’
    ‘I
remember.’
    ‘I wish
somebody would mend my socks,’ said Lord Emsworth, deviating for a moment from
the main theme. ‘Look at those holes. What were we talking about?’
    ‘This
statement-making Church Lad.’
    ‘Oh
yes. Yes, quite. Well, the whole thing was very peculiar. I had gone down to
the lake with the idea of asking the boys if they could possibly make a little
less noise, and suddenly one of them came running up to me with the most
extraordinary remark. He said, “Oh, sir, please save Willie! “‘
    ‘Odd
way of starting a conversation, certainly.’
    ‘He was
pointing at an object in the water, and putting two and two together I came to
the conclusion that one of his comrades must have fallen into the lake and was
drowning. So I dived in.’
    Lord
Ickenham was impressed.
    ‘Very
decent of you. Many men who had suffered so much at the hands of the little
blisters would just have stood on the bank and sneered. Was the boy grateful?’
    ‘I can’t
find my shoes. Oh yes, here they are. What did you say?’
    ‘Did
the boy thank you brokenly?’
    ‘What
boy?’
    ‘The
one whose life you saved.’
    ‘Oh, I
was going to explain that. It wasn’t a boy. It turned out to be a floating log.
I swam to it, shouting to it to keep cool, and was very much annoyed to find
that my efforts had been for nothing. And do you know what I think, Ickenham? I
strongly suspect that it was not a genuine mistake on the boy’s part. I am
convinced that he was perfectly well aware that the object in the water was not
one of his playmates and that he had deliberately deceived me. Oh yes, I feel
sure of it, and I’ll tell you why. When I came out, he had been joined by
several other boys, and they were laughing.’
    Lord
Ickenham could readily imagine it. They would, he supposed, be laughing when
they told the story