indeed I prefer to call it a villa, with its own vegetable plot behind and flower garden in front. Rampions is so very grand that I think everyone who comes here must be quite astonished by its splendour. I must say that I am very glad to find myself once again in Sussex, not because I was in the least unhappy in Hampshire – how could I be with Matthew for a husband, and darling little Thomas? – but because it brings me back to the place I know and love best. And, dearest Juley, it returns me to the vicinity of Fourwinds, and to you and dear Marianne. I know that your father has appointed a new companion for you in my place, but I hope that you have not entirely transferred your affections and that there is still room in your heart for your Eliza. I flatter myself that there is. Mrs Matthew Dearly has a very different ring to it than Miss Eliza Hardacre, does it not? I am still the very same person, however, and quite unchanged in my devotion to you and your sister, even though I am now a married woman with husband and home of my own
.
Now, Juley, how shall I come to visit you? For your father would be averse to my visiting Fourwinds. Indeed, as he was so instrumental in helping us to remove to Hampshire, it will displease him to learn that we have now made altogether different arrangements for ourselves – though maybe he need not learn immediately, if you understand my meaning! It would
give me the greatest pleasure to welcome you to my new home; but I am quite sure your father would not permit that either. If he still travels to London, as used to be his wont, to deal with his business affairs, and stays there for a few nights, maybe you would let me know, so that I could arrange for one of the grooms here to drive me to Fourwinds? I can hardly wait to see you again, and I am sure that you must be longing to see Thomas – Tommy, as we call him. He is such a delightful child, pretty, playful and sunny-tempered. Thank you so much for the toy bear you sent for his first birthday. He plays with it devotedly
.
I wonder whether you have any news of Mr Waring? I have not heard a word of him since our paths separated so abruptly – but this and other news can wait until we have the chance to spend a few hours in each other’s company
.
With affectionate best wishes, dearest Juley, to you and to Marianne
,
Your devoted friend
,
Eliza
Chapter Nine
Sleepless
At Fourwinds, spending so much time alone, I had ample time to examine my motives. What did I think I was doing, in my efforts with pencil and paintbrush, with oils and washes?
I could only discover a strong desire to make my mark on the future, to achieve something memorable that would outlast my life. But how could this be done? Why, among the countless millions of humans that thronged the Earth, should I believe myself to be set apart by some special gift? Did I seriously believe that I had the talent to outshine the countless unremarkable painters who squinted and stared, who mixed their colours, who dabbed and brushed and smeared their marks on canvas in the naive belief that it would grant them immortality? Was it only conceit on my part, a childish desire for fame and admiration?
I knew only that without the compulsion to draw and paint, to render on paper or canvas what I saw about me, I should consider my life to be quite without purpose.
The Farrows went to church in Staverton on Sunday, and I with them. Before and after the service, I was introduced to several people; my arrival at Fourwinds had caused, it seemed, a flurry of interest. I supposed that life in this quiet country place was so uneventful that change of any kind provoked comment and speculation. At these encounters, Mr Farrow introduced me as ‘an artist of great promise’, ‘an immensely talented young painter’, and other such heady descriptions. I did not choose to question his judgement; rather, I began to believe it myself, to think that there must be some latent spark of genius
.
Now, Juley, how shall I come to visit you? For your father would be averse to my visiting Fourwinds. Indeed, as he was so instrumental in helping us to remove to Hampshire, it will displease him to learn that we have now made altogether different arrangements for ourselves – though maybe he need not learn immediately, if you understand my meaning! It would
give me the greatest pleasure to welcome you to my new home; but I am quite sure your father would not permit that either. If he still travels to London, as used to be his wont, to deal with his business affairs, and stays there for a few nights, maybe you would let me know, so that I could arrange for one of the grooms here to drive me to Fourwinds? I can hardly wait to see you again, and I am sure that you must be longing to see Thomas – Tommy, as we call him. He is such a delightful child, pretty, playful and sunny-tempered. Thank you so much for the toy bear you sent for his first birthday. He plays with it devotedly
.
I wonder whether you have any news of Mr Waring? I have not heard a word of him since our paths separated so abruptly – but this and other news can wait until we have the chance to spend a few hours in each other’s company
.
With affectionate best wishes, dearest Juley, to you and to Marianne
,
Your devoted friend
,
Eliza
Chapter Nine
Sleepless
At Fourwinds, spending so much time alone, I had ample time to examine my motives. What did I think I was doing, in my efforts with pencil and paintbrush, with oils and washes?
I could only discover a strong desire to make my mark on the future, to achieve something memorable that would outlast my life. But how could this be done? Why, among the countless millions of humans that thronged the Earth, should I believe myself to be set apart by some special gift? Did I seriously believe that I had the talent to outshine the countless unremarkable painters who squinted and stared, who mixed their colours, who dabbed and brushed and smeared their marks on canvas in the naive belief that it would grant them immortality? Was it only conceit on my part, a childish desire for fame and admiration?
I knew only that without the compulsion to draw and paint, to render on paper or canvas what I saw about me, I should consider my life to be quite without purpose.
The Farrows went to church in Staverton on Sunday, and I with them. Before and after the service, I was introduced to several people; my arrival at Fourwinds had caused, it seemed, a flurry of interest. I supposed that life in this quiet country place was so uneventful that change of any kind provoked comment and speculation. At these encounters, Mr Farrow introduced me as ‘an artist of great promise’, ‘an immensely talented young painter’, and other such heady descriptions. I did not choose to question his judgement; rather, I began to believe it myself, to think that there must be some latent spark of genius
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