Shadows Amongst Light (The Spy Who Loves Me) by Mary Eason

fighting against evil, but you don’t even know what that is.”
                  “Judah, what are you trying to tell me? Tell me what you mean, Judah? Please, help me understand how I can help you? What happened to you, Judah? Where have you been all these years? Judah, did you really do all those things that you are being accused of? Did mom and dad...”
                  I didn’t finish those words. Judah was no longer listening to me. Something caught his attention in a distance. Somehow, I knew my brother was ready to flee.
                  “Wait, Judah--don’t go. Let me come with you. I can help you, Judah.”
                  “No!”  For a moment, his eyes came back to mine--those cold lifeless eyes. But only for a moment. Then his attention went back to something just beyond me in the distance. “Don’t try to follow me, Cameron, and don’t try to contact me again. Stay out of this. Get out of it while you still have the choice.”
                  Without another word and just like before my brother left me standing there, watching after him and wondering if I’d just imagined the whole incident. Had I, in my desperate need to find him again, created this whole incident?
                  I’m not sure how long I stood staring into the darkness, hoping that he would somehow return and dispel those doubts, but it never happened. When I finally gave up and went home to my apartment, it was well after midnight.
                  I unlocked the door to the ringing phone and knew even before I answered the call that it would be Noah. The flashing red light on my answering machine told me that this was not the first time he’d made that call to my number tonight.
                  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
                  “Cameron, where have you been? I’ve been calling you for hours now. I was about ready to go searching for you. What’s up with you?”
                  “Nothing...I just needed to think.”
                  “You needed to think? About what?”
                  “About nothing...about everything. I don’t know. Look, I’m sorry that I worried you, Noah, but I’m okay. And, it’s late and I’m tired and I have to be up early tomorrow.” At that out and out lie, I crossed my fingers behind my back and said a silent prayer for forgiveness. I wasn’t scheduled to go into the classroom until next week, but I wasn’t ready to face the inevitable with Noah tonight.
                  “Cameron, don’t hang up on me.”
                  “I’m not, but I don’t want to talk about anything right now Noah, so...goodnight.” At that point, I did hang up on the man that had been there for me through so many bad moments in my life.
                  I was stunned, ecstatic...frightened. Restless. All those emotions ran through me as I went back over every little detail of my first real face-to-face encounter with my brother in over twenty years.
                  Surprisingly I found that there were tears in my eyes. I hadn’t cried in years. Not since my parents’ death. I didn’t know what to do next, but I knew that I had to do something and soon.
                  Surely, the very fact that Judah had come back into my life after all these years had to mean...something? A sign that it was time for me to take a new direction in life maybe? But even if that were true, I still didn’t know what to expect or what I was looking for.
                  I glanced down at my hands that still held the phone and realized that they were trembling. Tonight had shaken me beyond what I wanted to admit.
                  I made coffee, more to give me something to do with my hands and hopefully to stop their trembling than anything. All the while, my mind working overtime. I certainly