been impossible. But he still felt he’d abandoned Berani at the time he was needed most.
Declan is watching him steadily. ‘I’ll ask around if you like, mate. Let you know, hey? You still on the same number?’
It saddens Pete that Declan has to ask this. It shows how much distance there is between him and his former workplace now. This had been his first and only proper job; the zoo is as much home to him as it is to the animals. If anyone had told him a few years ago that he would resign to do nothing, he would have laughed and never believed it. Yet he’d seen enough of the natural rhythms of life in the zoo to know that they were subject to abrupt, devastating change. It was just that, somewhere along the line, he had forgotten that capricious fate could find him too.
After Pete leaves the zoo, he drives quickly west towards the coast. Now that Desi is home he is going to need transport if he wants to make the hour’s journey north to the shack regularly – he hasn’t told her that for the past year he has been borrowing his sister’s car to make the weekly trek to the prison. What would Desi say if she knew the truth about Pete, about how often their lives had run parallel lately? Would she think it was her fault? In a way, it was. Her actions had made Pete’s efforts feel meaningless too. Years of painstaking work, and then one mistake and it all crumbles away as though it doesn’t mean anything. What was the point?
Desi has had so much to contend with recently that all hewishes for her is some quiet time to put herself back together again. He had felt he was partly to blame when Desi went to prison. If he hadn’t been thousands of kilometres away, perhaps he would have seen her tipping towards the edge, and could have stopped it. He was the only person she might have turned to, and he hadn’t been there. ‘There’s going to be times when I’m not around,’ Connor had said once, uncharacteristically, on a beautiful day years ago, one of the last when they were all on the boat together. ‘Please take care of her.’ At the time, Pete thought he had been referring to his trip to America, to shore up his research money. But now he remembered it like a warning.
Something is going to happen to me. And she’s going to fall down. Be there
.
And he had failed.
What would you think of us now, mate?
Pete thinks, trying to conjure up Connor in his mind – the 24-year-old who was timeless in death, not the 44-year-old he would be today. Pete struggles to imagine what Connor would look like in middle age, but suspects he’d be one of those handsome bastards with flattering streaks of grey in his hair.
Pete had tried his utmost to take care of Desi in the beginning. That’s when the lies had started. First he had given Desi a lump sum of his own money and told her that it was from Connor’s family. It had seemed the right thing to do at the time, when Desi was overwrought with grief, unable to see her way forward. The money had allowed her to buy the shack. It had got her on her feet again. And then, when he discovered Connor’s secrets, he had protected her from the truth.
How could he have anticipated that Kate would turn up so many years later? And what would she know? He hadn’t met her yet, only received reports from Maya, and what he heard troubled him. First, Kate wanted to talk to Desi. And now, Kateand Jackson were in love. Kate had gone to explore the coastline while Jackson was away, but she would return soon.
What did this girl want from Desi? Perhaps it was completely innocuous, but his gut didn’t think so. Maybe that was the problem with holding onto other people’s secrets for too long – you became suspicious of everyone.
In his daydreaming, he has passed the turning for his own small, neglected apartment and reached his sister’s house. He pulls up in the driveway, and Maggie is greeting him seconds later. ‘How is she?’
Maggie is the kindest person he knows, and has
Declan is watching him steadily. ‘I’ll ask around if you like, mate. Let you know, hey? You still on the same number?’
It saddens Pete that Declan has to ask this. It shows how much distance there is between him and his former workplace now. This had been his first and only proper job; the zoo is as much home to him as it is to the animals. If anyone had told him a few years ago that he would resign to do nothing, he would have laughed and never believed it. Yet he’d seen enough of the natural rhythms of life in the zoo to know that they were subject to abrupt, devastating change. It was just that, somewhere along the line, he had forgotten that capricious fate could find him too.
After Pete leaves the zoo, he drives quickly west towards the coast. Now that Desi is home he is going to need transport if he wants to make the hour’s journey north to the shack regularly – he hasn’t told her that for the past year he has been borrowing his sister’s car to make the weekly trek to the prison. What would Desi say if she knew the truth about Pete, about how often their lives had run parallel lately? Would she think it was her fault? In a way, it was. Her actions had made Pete’s efforts feel meaningless too. Years of painstaking work, and then one mistake and it all crumbles away as though it doesn’t mean anything. What was the point?
Desi has had so much to contend with recently that all hewishes for her is some quiet time to put herself back together again. He had felt he was partly to blame when Desi went to prison. If he hadn’t been thousands of kilometres away, perhaps he would have seen her tipping towards the edge, and could have stopped it. He was the only person she might have turned to, and he hadn’t been there. ‘There’s going to be times when I’m not around,’ Connor had said once, uncharacteristically, on a beautiful day years ago, one of the last when they were all on the boat together. ‘Please take care of her.’ At the time, Pete thought he had been referring to his trip to America, to shore up his research money. But now he remembered it like a warning.
Something is going to happen to me. And she’s going to fall down. Be there
.
And he had failed.
What would you think of us now, mate?
Pete thinks, trying to conjure up Connor in his mind – the 24-year-old who was timeless in death, not the 44-year-old he would be today. Pete struggles to imagine what Connor would look like in middle age, but suspects he’d be one of those handsome bastards with flattering streaks of grey in his hair.
Pete had tried his utmost to take care of Desi in the beginning. That’s when the lies had started. First he had given Desi a lump sum of his own money and told her that it was from Connor’s family. It had seemed the right thing to do at the time, when Desi was overwrought with grief, unable to see her way forward. The money had allowed her to buy the shack. It had got her on her feet again. And then, when he discovered Connor’s secrets, he had protected her from the truth.
How could he have anticipated that Kate would turn up so many years later? And what would she know? He hadn’t met her yet, only received reports from Maya, and what he heard troubled him. First, Kate wanted to talk to Desi. And now, Kateand Jackson were in love. Kate had gone to explore the coastline while Jackson was away, but she would return soon.
What did this girl want from Desi? Perhaps it was completely innocuous, but his gut didn’t think so. Maybe that was the problem with holding onto other people’s secrets for too long – you became suspicious of everyone.
In his daydreaming, he has passed the turning for his own small, neglected apartment and reached his sister’s house. He pulls up in the driveway, and Maggie is greeting him seconds later. ‘How is she?’
Maggie is the kindest person he knows, and has
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