She's Out of Control by Kristin Billerbeck Page A

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    â€œHe wouldn’t tell me a thing, Ash. And believe me, I tried. I called John right away to tell him.”
    â€œWhy didn’t you call me? You traitor.”
    â€œBecause for a few minutes I thought I could keep it from you. I thought I could rise above my personal anguish and keep a secret from my best friend. But I was wrong. As soon as I heard your voice, I knew I’d blurt it out.”
    â€œThank goodness!”
    â€œListen, I gotta run. It seems Miles has been using this time productively, and the aroma is overwhelming me. Don’t let that boss of yours get to you. Remember, you are a star patent attorney, and nothing he implies means anything, and the gals are just talking about what they know from experience. You’ll be Seth’s wife soon and won’t have to worry about this, anyway.”
    Seth’s wife . I’ll be Seth’s wife soon. “See ya.” I hang up the phone and type on my to-do list.
    THINGS TO DO BEFORE BECOMING A FIANCÉE
    1. Tell Kay no on the house.
    2. Get my nails done!
    3. Practice enthusiastic facial expressions in the mirror.
    4. Wax & shape eyebrows for a thoroughly surprised arch.
    5. Invest in lingerie for wedding night. I’m having a wedding night!
    6. Buy my own high-quality game controller to let Seth know I care about his needs too.
    7. Make an appt for seaweed wrap, must have baby bum skin.
    8. Practice hand gestures that will show off sparkling diamond!

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    W ednesday nights are the highlight of my week. It’s Bible study, Reason Style! Like I said before, we all have various reasons for being woefully single. Not the least of which being that we’re all weird in our own special way. We live in Silicon Valley, so I guess that goes without saying. But I digress. Bible study is a highlight because I get to hear Seth speak the Truth. I fall hopelessly in love with him all over again when I hear his knowledge of Scripture. I find myself day-dreaming about what kind of husband he’ll make, lulling me to sleep with God’s Word. It makes me think about turning in my Audi convertible for a minivan. Well, let’s not get too crazy. Maybe just a foreign SUV.
    Our house is spotless, and Kay is going through her regular ritual of praying in every room before the study, and secretly, I think she stays in the kitchen the longest, hoping that everyone will love her fabulous culinary creations. She used to have people take turns with snacks, but after one too many bag-o-chips and no beverages, she gave that up. You know that saying, “He’s all that and a bag of chips?” Well, that was our group: all that and one bag of measly, half-priced, grocery-store-brand chips.
    (California is health conscious, so if you’re going to buy chips here, you’ll find they generally are made with expellerpressed safflower oil, not hydrogenated oil, which is so artery-clogging. Normally Californians buy the fancy stuff for themselves. But not the Reasons—not for Bible study.)
    One of the issues the Reasons share is a complete inability to think practically. Case in point: Thanksgiving 2002. Someone is signed up to bring mashed potatoes. I kid you not, for twenty-two people, he showed up with a pint of potatoes from Boston Market—with beef gravy. We had to explain that turkey is a poultry dish—and generally goes best with a poultry, i.e., chicken or turkey gravy. And I thought I was lame in the kitchen.
    So now, Kay ensures her kitchen will never be tortured again: It’s a clipboard issue. Kay controls that clipboard like every other aspect of her life. Meanwhile my life wildly spins off its axis. Tonight I feel like a million. I feel like I am the winning bachelorette and general counsel all rolled into one, well-dressed chick. The way I see it, it’s my last Reason Bible Study as a Reason. Next week, I’ll have a ring and a date, and most importantly, a fiancé.
    â€œThe bathrooms look