Shifting Gears by Jenny Hayut

all this
time?”
    I jerk my head up to her with
alarm.
    Oh my God. What if that’s
it?
    Cass must see the fear in my face.
“Kidding. Kidding. Sorry, just trying to make you laugh a little.”
She puts her hand on my shoulder. “I know you’re afraid, but it
really sounds like he wants to explain things to you.
    “I love you, and I’m here for you, but
I really think you should at least hear him out. No matter what you
decide, I’ve got your back, and if you finally want me to kick his
ass, I’m game for that too.”
    God, I love her. She always knows how
I think and knows exactly what to say to calm me down.
    I don’t want to think about Holt
anymore. At least for tonight. I need to breathe.
    “I need to call Clay, let him know
it’s not his fault. That he couldn’t have changed anything, because
I was on that dance floor, and I knew Holt was watching. I wanted
him to see.”
    “Damn straight, Nik.”
    “I need to call him but not tonight.
Tomorrow. When my head is back on straight. God, how much did I
drink, anyway? I can’t believe I let that guy dance with
me!” I stand and head toward the hall, to my bedroom.
    “Yeah, he was an ass, but before he
summoned his death wish, you have to admit you were having fun. I
was watching. You should let go like that more. Didn’t it feel good
out there, not caring who was looking, not thinking, just having
fun. Even for a few minutes?”
    I drop my gaze to the floor, knowing
once again that I can’t lie to her. “Honestly? Yeah. It was. But
you and I both know it was only because of the alcohol and hoping
Holt was watching. You know that’s not me. I can’t be like you or
Ang.”
    “One day, Nik, one day you’ll see
what’s inside you, clawing to come out. You got it. You just don’t
know it. I hope like hell I’m around when you realize
it.”
    “Okay. Enough talking. I need my
pillow.” I walk back to her and wrap my arms around her. After Dad
died, Cass became my rock. Her and Aunt Helen both. With talks like
this, she reminds me how much I need and love her.
    “Love you,” I whisper.
    “Love you. Always. And no worries.
Everything will be okay. I promise.”
    I don’t have as much faith as Cass
does as I pull my phone out to put it on charge and see a new text
message from “Holton.” I catch my breath and goosebumps rush across
my skin.
    He remembered. I was the only one who
ever called him by his full name. Holton. I loved it from the first
time I discovered it. I don’t think he liked it, but he never
stopped me.
    I open the text to read: “ I could
never forget...H .” My lips part, almost on their
own.
    I drop to my bed and stare at those
words, forever, it seems. I find myself slowly bringing my phone to
my face, remembering that he’d used it. His scent is still there. I
breathe him in, the familiar smell sending tingles through my body.
I fall asleep that way, holding my phone, breathing him in,
remembering.
     

Chapter 7

    I wake up with the sun shining, and
all the events from the night before come crashing back to me. I
can’t believe I acted like that. That wasn’t me, and to think that
jerk-face even danced with me in the first place. Me? Really? Then
I remember why I was out there like that.
    Holt.
    Just thinking about his touch, his
kiss, sparks the growing hunger. I have a decision to make, and I
know what I need to do.
    Around one o’ clock, I get the first
text.
    “Thinking about you, babe.
Trying my best not to come over to that hospital and kidnap you.
See you tonight...H.”
    I don’t respond, because I’m not
going. I switched shift coverage with one of the other doctors,
which will keep me at the hospital well past seven
o’clock.
    I’m eating lunch with Katy when the
next text comes in.
    “How’s your
head?”
    Thoughtful. I’m still not responding,
though. I really hate that in my weak moment last night, I freely
handed my cell over to him, allowing him access to me. Damn it. He
probably would’ve gotten