listening to lectures on cultural sensitivity, answering awkward questions about our sex life, swearing that we never touched drugs. Weâd gotten our certificate, endured the routine visit of the social worker, who slept in our guest room and concluded his assessment by saying Anna and I had a âvery strong bond of friendship,â which means he knew weâd lied on the sex question.
But there was no baby. More than one agency told us we were too particular, wanting a girl, preferably no older than three (though we were willing to go as high as six) from that part of Hungary called ErdélyââTransylvaniaâ in Englishâceded to Romania in 1919 by the Treaty of Trianon. This was Annaâs obsession, inherited from her beloved father, an old man when I knew him, hair poking from his ears, ceiling lights bringing out the veins in his head, which he shavedwith electric clippers every morning. He was always sitting in the kitchen in that awful house in North Ward, old calendars clinging to the wall with their maps of Hungary from before 1919, and then, inside that territory, the tiny Hungary of today marked with a red border. Her father was one of those angry nostalgicsâTrianon this, Trianon that; âkis Magyarország nem ország, nagy Magyarország mennyországâ ; fondly recalling how much lost territory Hitler had returned between the warsâgnashing his teeth at the two million ethnic Hungarians stranded in Erdély, how they were being âculturally cleansed,â not allowed to publish in their own language, schools closed, whole villages uprooted and forcibly assimilated to the south, politicians such as Ceaus¸escu dreaming of their disappearance, barely restrained from the genocide they would have preferredâwhy wait three generations if you didnât have to?âwhen thereâd be no one left to testify that the place had never been Romanian. Meanwhile the Hungarians kept hanging onâto their language, their culture, their identityâninety years running.
Annaâs father had lived through the siege of Budapest, the subject his rants on Erdély inevitably came around to, grumbling how the Hungarians had no choice at all, between the Nazis on one side and the Soviets on the other, and at least Hitler offered to give back territory the country had lostââOver fifty percent of our nation taken awayâ; âNo country lost as much as Hungary did and weâd even opposed going to war!â; âthe French hated us, thatâs the reason for Trianon, prejudice pure and simple.â It was as if his vision of the siegeâsoldier after soldier, death after death, his own memories of being stuck in Budapest, hungry and thirstyand terrified, that parade of fatal imagesâspun off the inked signatures of Trianon. He and his country had endured the siegeâendured what came before, and what came afterâbecause of Trianon. Nothing could dissuade him. I heard it every time I went there, and its naiveté, its absence of even a respectable hint of fatalism, as if you really should be able to expect justice in this world, made me crazy, and, worse, reminded me of my father, whoâd wanted no part of that flailing impotence and the military solution it cravedâthe happy days of Hitlerâs Reich. My father had just wanted to forget, sitting in Torontoâs Szécsényi Club drinking pálinka and playing tarok, happy his son had married a Hungarian girl and that his grandchildren would one day speak Hungarian. That was enough for him.
But it wasnât enough for Annaâs father, and it wasnât enough for her. She wanted an orphaned girlâfirst because it was so hard for Hungarians in Erdély already, and second because girls were subhuman in Hungarian culture (this was Annaâs refinement on her fatherâs beliefs, one he would never have agreed with). An orphaned girl didnât
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