So Feral! by J A Mawter Page A

hits her lips. At least I think it was only my nose. Anything else would be too gross to contemplate.
    Whack! Cordelia Foxheart has turned into a boxer. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ I ask, ducking for dear life.
    She goes for me — poke, jab, bash — just like a heavyweight boxer. And all the while she’s screaming, ‘Miss Reynolds!’
    ‘What’s your problem?’ I yell, trying to get out of the way.
    Cordelia is wiping her mouth and belting me at the same time. ‘You tried to kiss me!’
    ‘Kiss you? I fell and hit you with my nose, you idiot.’
    Lowie shouts, ‘Toby and Cordelia kissed!’ Kissed-isst-st echoes round the valley. Lowie’s hooting and hollering and dancing some stupid jig.
    Laura shrieks, ‘Practising for Miss Reynolds eh, Toby?’ She crouches down, laughing so hard she’s fit to bust. I seriously hope she wets herself. That’ll put a dampener on her challenge.
    Jonnie’s in on it, too. But every time he laughs the air pressure rises.
    In fact, everyone’s screaming with laughter. Everyone, except Cordelia and me.
    ‘Cut it out!’ I yell. ‘Enough’s enough.’
    Cordelia turns on me. ‘I’ll give you enough. You desperate depraved individual! You, Hard-up Harry, you!’ Cordelia blabbers on.
    I pray for a plague of frogs, locusts — anything to shut her up.
    ‘I’m going to get you for that. You better watch out!’ She goes for the all-time hollering record. ‘Miss Reyn-o-lds! Toby tried to kiss me.’
    Miss Reynolds plants her nose one centimetre away from mine.
    I think of my challenge. She’s close enough for a quick peck.
    ‘Toby H-h-hartnett!’
    Quick peck, be buggered.
    ‘H-h-how dare you!’
    Fumes flood my face. They get in my teeth, my eyes, my hair. Everyone’s laughing so hard that even the kookaburras have left.
    ‘When we get back, young man, you and I will be examining the meaning of the term unwanted advances!’ Miss Reynolds reeks stronger than a garbage dump.
    I make a break-through decision.
    I will forfeit the Pollen Tree Cup.

Chapter Four
    I have to walk beside Miss Reynolds all the way to Devil’s Peak and all the way back. Mouth breathing is my only defence. Boy, does it dry you out. By the time we get back to camp my teeth are covered with clag.
    Miss Reynolds is still cross. She barely talks to me. It’s the only ray of sunshine in a bleak situation.
    Cordelia walks past, her lips pursed like a dried-out abalone.
    People are still laughing as we wait for the stragglers to arrive. I pretend not to notice.
    ‘Hanging’s too good for ‘im.’ That’s Jonnie’s voice.
    ‘Tie him to an anthill at midday.’ That’s Laura.
    ‘I could strangle him with my bare hands,’ says Lowie, doing a Hulk impersonation and glaring at me as he pulls up.
    Surely they’re not talking about me?
    ‘I’ve got cheek chafe,’ hisses Laura when she comes past.
    ‘Raw meat!’ I’m showered with Lowie’s spit. ‘That’s my feet.’
    Jonnie walks over and stops a ruler-length away. He turns, bends over …
    I’m inhaling sewage! I think I’m going to be sick.
    ‘Nice day,’ says Andy, wafting past. Today’s T-shirt is already on the nose. ‘For rats.’
    Everyone is dirty on me — my friends, Miss Reynolds. And Cordelia Foxheart’s out to get me. I’ve blown more than my challenge.
    ‘Toby. Come over here, where I can keep an eye on you.’ It’s not the words, it’s Miss Reynolds’s tone that sets me off.
    I’ve had it! I’ll show them. I’ll do my challenge.
    I walk over and plant myself in front of Miss Reynolds. I will kiss her now, keel over and put an end to all my misery.
    ‘What did you think of Devil’s Peak?’ interrupts Miss Reynolds, looking around the group. ‘H-h-hands up!’
    What am I doing? I am standing in front of Death-breath.
    Several hands go up. ‘Not much,’ says Laura. ‘I agree,’ adds Jonnie.
    ‘Hmphh!’ Miss Reynolds snorts, triggering nuclear fallout.
    Everyone staggers back. It takes all my