already.”
“Good,” Justin said. He caught my hand in his as we entered the restaurant lobby. My stomach swirled at this development, but it didn’t make me want to run for the airport or anything. Good. I’d made progress.
The restaurant had a sort of washed-out Hawaiian thing going on. The decor still featured hula girls and Hawaiian flowers, but the colors were classy and muted—sand, ocean blue, dusty green. Enough to endear tourists without turning off locals.
The beautiful hostess arched quizzical eyebrows at Justin. “Two?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“Right this way.” She grabbed two menus and sashayed through the restaurant as if on a catwalk. Over her shoulder, she asked, “Where are you two from?” She spared me a glance. “Or do you live here?”
“We just moved here,” Justin answered.
“ He just moved here,” I heard myself saying. “I live in Kansas City.”
Why’d I say that? Why not let her think whatever she wanted? And I had been thinking about staying.
But the hostess didn’t care. “Your server will be with you soon. Enjoy.”
Justin furrowed his brow at me. “Your grandma said you’re likely staying in Hawaii.”
“I’ve considered it,” I said. “But I’d be leaving a lot. My family, my friends.”
“I understand. Believe me, I do. I just went through making that decision. But in my experience, sacrifices accompany great gains.”
“I guess.” I slid my menu off the table and opened it but didn’t really see anything. Justin had a good point. But how did you know what to give up and what to keep? Was it weird that I still felt pangs of homesickness? Or could it all be chalked up to the fact that I’d spent my entire life in one place, and I couldn’t lift myself out as easily as I’d assumed?
“Do you still get homesick?” I asked.
Justin nodded. “But it’s getting better.” When he smiled at me, my stomach flip-flopped in that good, new-crush kind of way. “I’m really glad you agreed to dinner tonight. I’ve had a tough time finding fun, beautiful, and interesting Christian girls I want to spend time with.”
And that’s when the reality of the situation hit me.
Justin didn’t know I’d been a Christian for only a year. And that for a lot of that time, I hadn’t been a very good one.
He didn’t know about Aaron.
He didn’t know about Eli.
He didn’t know I used to smoke, that rum and Coke was my danger drink, and that I’d dated two of my best friend’s ex-boyfriends. He wasn’t there when I crashed my mom’s car sophomore year or when I got drunk two Valentine’s Days ago and called Alexis skanky. When I was with Justin, those parts of me, those events, didn’t have to exist.
A year ago, I’d committed to reinventing myself. To becoming a new Skylar. For a little while, I felt like I’d taken off, like I was doing better, only to crash and burn during the spring. Maybe this was what it’d take to become a new me, a different me. Maybe I could really do it if I could start over someplace where no one knew a thing about me. Yeah, the idea of never going home scared me a little, but Justin’s warm, dark eyes made me want to stick with this. Made me want to see who I could be with a clean slate.
I smiled back at him. “I’m glad you asked me.”
“And she just ignored you after that?” I asked, taking a big bite of my heavenly hana ice cream—chocolate ice cream with marshmallows, white-chocolate-covered macadamia nuts, and dark-chocolate-covered almonds. Maybe I could survive without Sheridan’s.
“It was like I didn’t even exist.”
I shook my head. “Chicks.”
Justin grinned. He had a great smile. “They’re not all bad.”
“But still. Leaves you at a dance, and then doesn’t even apologize? That’s cold.”
Justin licked his disgusting Kona coffee ice cream cone. “You should feel honored. I rarely tell anyone that story. It’s embarrassing.”
“Yeah, for her.”
He smiled again. “I knew I
“Good,” Justin said. He caught my hand in his as we entered the restaurant lobby. My stomach swirled at this development, but it didn’t make me want to run for the airport or anything. Good. I’d made progress.
The restaurant had a sort of washed-out Hawaiian thing going on. The decor still featured hula girls and Hawaiian flowers, but the colors were classy and muted—sand, ocean blue, dusty green. Enough to endear tourists without turning off locals.
The beautiful hostess arched quizzical eyebrows at Justin. “Two?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“Right this way.” She grabbed two menus and sashayed through the restaurant as if on a catwalk. Over her shoulder, she asked, “Where are you two from?” She spared me a glance. “Or do you live here?”
“We just moved here,” Justin answered.
“ He just moved here,” I heard myself saying. “I live in Kansas City.”
Why’d I say that? Why not let her think whatever she wanted? And I had been thinking about staying.
But the hostess didn’t care. “Your server will be with you soon. Enjoy.”
Justin furrowed his brow at me. “Your grandma said you’re likely staying in Hawaii.”
“I’ve considered it,” I said. “But I’d be leaving a lot. My family, my friends.”
“I understand. Believe me, I do. I just went through making that decision. But in my experience, sacrifices accompany great gains.”
“I guess.” I slid my menu off the table and opened it but didn’t really see anything. Justin had a good point. But how did you know what to give up and what to keep? Was it weird that I still felt pangs of homesickness? Or could it all be chalked up to the fact that I’d spent my entire life in one place, and I couldn’t lift myself out as easily as I’d assumed?
“Do you still get homesick?” I asked.
Justin nodded. “But it’s getting better.” When he smiled at me, my stomach flip-flopped in that good, new-crush kind of way. “I’m really glad you agreed to dinner tonight. I’ve had a tough time finding fun, beautiful, and interesting Christian girls I want to spend time with.”
And that’s when the reality of the situation hit me.
Justin didn’t know I’d been a Christian for only a year. And that for a lot of that time, I hadn’t been a very good one.
He didn’t know about Aaron.
He didn’t know about Eli.
He didn’t know I used to smoke, that rum and Coke was my danger drink, and that I’d dated two of my best friend’s ex-boyfriends. He wasn’t there when I crashed my mom’s car sophomore year or when I got drunk two Valentine’s Days ago and called Alexis skanky. When I was with Justin, those parts of me, those events, didn’t have to exist.
A year ago, I’d committed to reinventing myself. To becoming a new Skylar. For a little while, I felt like I’d taken off, like I was doing better, only to crash and burn during the spring. Maybe this was what it’d take to become a new me, a different me. Maybe I could really do it if I could start over someplace where no one knew a thing about me. Yeah, the idea of never going home scared me a little, but Justin’s warm, dark eyes made me want to stick with this. Made me want to see who I could be with a clean slate.
I smiled back at him. “I’m glad you asked me.”
“And she just ignored you after that?” I asked, taking a big bite of my heavenly hana ice cream—chocolate ice cream with marshmallows, white-chocolate-covered macadamia nuts, and dark-chocolate-covered almonds. Maybe I could survive without Sheridan’s.
“It was like I didn’t even exist.”
I shook my head. “Chicks.”
Justin grinned. He had a great smile. “They’re not all bad.”
“But still. Leaves you at a dance, and then doesn’t even apologize? That’s cold.”
Justin licked his disgusting Kona coffee ice cream cone. “You should feel honored. I rarely tell anyone that story. It’s embarrassing.”
“Yeah, for her.”
He smiled again. “I knew I
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