So Shelly by Ty Roth Page A

statutory rape! I could go to jail!”
    “Don’t worry. I’ll cover for you,” Gordon promised without sarcasm.
    “I don’t believe this. I don’t believe this. I don’t believe this.” She must have said it a hundred times as she gathered her scattered clothes with one arm while the other insufficiently covered her swaying breasts.
    Bedraggled, one shoe on and one shoe in her opposite hand, she slunk toward the door.
    “Caroline,” Gordon called.
    “What?”
    “Thanks.”
    “Fuck you,” she said, flipped him off, and then exited, slamming the door behind her.
    The boys were all suspended for the semifinal match. Without them, the Knights got smoked by a team of waspish blue bloods from suburban Cincinnati. By Monday night, Caroline’s naked tantrum was posted on several juvenile and sleazy, yet tremendously popular, file-sharing sites under the title “Crazy Naked Lacrosse Chick.” It had already received more than a thousand hits.
    Among the student body at the Rood, Gordon was instantly deified.
    Within six months, Gordon was expelled from the Rood. When rumors began to fly around campus regarding Gordon’s relationship with Willie, Wildman seized his opportunity toexact revenge for his room eviction. He alerted one of the Brothers to Willie’s website, where it was discovered that all of Willie’s most recent homoerotic drawings of heroes bore a striking resemblance to Gordon. They were both called into the office of the dean of students, Brother Randolph, where Gordon freely admitted to posing for and being flattered by Willie’s representations. Willie was forced to move to a single room on another floor, and further punishment and scandal were avoided.
    Three months later, however, when Gordon was discovered in the athletic director’s office, midcoitus with the athletics secretary, Mrs. Guiccioli, there was no saving him. The incident was covered up to save Mrs. Guiccioli her job, her husband and children, and the Rood’s reputation. Gordon was allowed to finish the term but was told that he would not be welcomed back in the fall.
    On his last day at the Rood, as he marched toward the limousine that Catherine had sent to chariot him home to the Strand, Willie, Mrs. Guiccioli, and Brother Lombardy wept. But the vast majority of the jealous crabs in the bucket were glad to see him go. Gordon was too much of a reminder of their own boring choices and limited potentials.
    When the janitors cleaned Harrow Hall that summer, they found, “The meek shall inherit the sloppy seconds of the BOLD!” spray-painted in red on the walls of Gordon’s room.
    After the initial anger and shame wore off, Caroline found that she couldn’t get Gordon out of her mind. The following summer, she quit her job and dropped out of Ohio State. With the image of Gordon’s equipment bag searedinto her memory, Caroline Googled all things related to Ohio high school lacrosse until she found and visited the Brothers of the Holy Rood’s Cleveland campus. A surprisingly empathetic Brother Lombardy informed her of Gordon’s real identity and of his return to Ogontz. She followed him, enrolled in community college, waited tables at a Denny’s (I guess she felt closest to Gordon there), and stalked him like it was her job.
    One evening that summer, after spotting Caroline’s Tracker parked outside the gates of Acedia for a third consecutive night, Shelly approached Caroline and introduced herself. They sat for hours drinking Red Bulls and eating pork rinds while they traded stories of their mutual object of addiction, including the story I just shared. In commiseration, they enjoyed one another’s company well enough, but, ultimately, each was a poor substitute for Gordon.
    I know this all sounds crazy. Don’t believe it if you don’t want to. I didn’t believe it myself until I had my first Caroline sighting on the day of Shelly’s wake. But be careful not to judge. There was just something about Gordon. He was the drug