back.”
Polly’s eyes widened in astonishment. “You’re your own replacement! Splendid! I suspected you were bargaining with Gerold this morning when you told him he’d be wise to reconsider his decision to terminate your services.”
“I don’t think I ever said that.” Charlotte’s brow furrowed. “I think Gerold knew that with the show opening in only ten days, and Sally Struthers in Cleveland with Damn Yankees all summer, he would be hard-pressed to find another Gooch on such short notice. Another drinky?” Charlotte took Polly’s near-empty glass from her hand and walked back into the kitchen area.
Polly spoke up to be heard on the other side of the room. “It’s dreadful that Sharon Fletcher, a beautiful young soap star with everything in the world going for her, would beat the living crap out of our dear Karen…with her bleeping Emmy no less! Usually nothing in Hollywood is original. However, I have to give her kudos for a novel way to kill the messenger.”
Tim and Placenta each sat up a little straighter. “If you ask me, it was premeditated,” Polly said. “Sharon knew she was being dumped and wanted to get even. I’ll bet she thought it would be poetic to use an acting award as her weapon of choice.”
“God knows a cheap-o Tony wouldn’t have made more than a dent in the poor woman’s skull,” Charlotte agreed as she returned Polly’s glass to her guest.
Taking another long sip of wine, Polly swallowed and asked if Charlotte agreed that Sharon probably knew in advance that she was being booted out of the company.
Charlotte turned to Tim and Placenta. “More wine for you two?”
“She couldn’t have avoided the rumors,” Polly said.
“Rumors?” Charlotte asked innocently.
“Hell, when my agent called to say I’d booked this job he insisted that I watch my back. He warned that it was common knowledge that Gerold Goss had plans for his girlfriend to be cast in this show, which could ruin our chances of getting to Broadway. But what better part for her to play than the character who is practically her real-life counterpart? Or so I’ve heard.” Polly shook her head. “And who is this little wannabe anyway? Where does she come from? Where has she worked?”
“Other than on her back?” Placenta said.
“Is she Equity or SAG?” Polly continued. “Is she listed on IMDB?”
“Mag Something-or-other,” Charlotte said. “She has a Valley Girl accent. Uses a lot of words like ‘cool’ and ‘rad’ and ‘awesome.’”
“Brava!” Polly raised her wineglass, impressed with Charlotte’s performance. “You should be Meryl Streep’s dialect coach!”
“It’s why I became an actor.” Charlotte beamed. “Can you guess who this is?” She then told an old chicken joke in a voice that was dead-on Polly Pepper. Then, a cappella, she launched into the song “Let Your Fingers Do the Talking ,” special musical material from Polly’s 1980 Emmy Award–winning one-hundredth-year musical birthday television celebration of Helen Keller: “Lady Signs the Blues” (in which Polly had starred with Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, and Diane Schuur).
Polly, Tim, and Placenta applauded wildly. “Where did you learn to do that?” Polly said, still laughing at Charlotte’s caricature of her.
Charlotte shrugged her shoulders. “I can’t help impersonating people. This talent used to get me into trouble when I was a kid. One day I tricked my mother into thinking she was talking on the phone to Ed McMahon. Using his voice I told her that the Prize Patrol had taken a wrong turn and couldn’t find our house. After Mother gave directions, the poor thing waited all day and all night for Ed to arrive with a big cardboard check, champagne, and a bouquet of flowers and balloons. Of course he never did come to the house. Mom even called The Tonight Show to try and reach Ed. I know better now, but at the time I didn’t think it was cruel. I just wanted a big laugh.” Charlotte
Polly’s eyes widened in astonishment. “You’re your own replacement! Splendid! I suspected you were bargaining with Gerold this morning when you told him he’d be wise to reconsider his decision to terminate your services.”
“I don’t think I ever said that.” Charlotte’s brow furrowed. “I think Gerold knew that with the show opening in only ten days, and Sally Struthers in Cleveland with Damn Yankees all summer, he would be hard-pressed to find another Gooch on such short notice. Another drinky?” Charlotte took Polly’s near-empty glass from her hand and walked back into the kitchen area.
Polly spoke up to be heard on the other side of the room. “It’s dreadful that Sharon Fletcher, a beautiful young soap star with everything in the world going for her, would beat the living crap out of our dear Karen…with her bleeping Emmy no less! Usually nothing in Hollywood is original. However, I have to give her kudos for a novel way to kill the messenger.”
Tim and Placenta each sat up a little straighter. “If you ask me, it was premeditated,” Polly said. “Sharon knew she was being dumped and wanted to get even. I’ll bet she thought it would be poetic to use an acting award as her weapon of choice.”
“God knows a cheap-o Tony wouldn’t have made more than a dent in the poor woman’s skull,” Charlotte agreed as she returned Polly’s glass to her guest.
Taking another long sip of wine, Polly swallowed and asked if Charlotte agreed that Sharon probably knew in advance that she was being booted out of the company.
Charlotte turned to Tim and Placenta. “More wine for you two?”
“She couldn’t have avoided the rumors,” Polly said.
“Rumors?” Charlotte asked innocently.
“Hell, when my agent called to say I’d booked this job he insisted that I watch my back. He warned that it was common knowledge that Gerold Goss had plans for his girlfriend to be cast in this show, which could ruin our chances of getting to Broadway. But what better part for her to play than the character who is practically her real-life counterpart? Or so I’ve heard.” Polly shook her head. “And who is this little wannabe anyway? Where does she come from? Where has she worked?”
“Other than on her back?” Placenta said.
“Is she Equity or SAG?” Polly continued. “Is she listed on IMDB?”
“Mag Something-or-other,” Charlotte said. “She has a Valley Girl accent. Uses a lot of words like ‘cool’ and ‘rad’ and ‘awesome.’”
“Brava!” Polly raised her wineglass, impressed with Charlotte’s performance. “You should be Meryl Streep’s dialect coach!”
“It’s why I became an actor.” Charlotte beamed. “Can you guess who this is?” She then told an old chicken joke in a voice that was dead-on Polly Pepper. Then, a cappella, she launched into the song “Let Your Fingers Do the Talking ,” special musical material from Polly’s 1980 Emmy Award–winning one-hundredth-year musical birthday television celebration of Helen Keller: “Lady Signs the Blues” (in which Polly had starred with Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, and Diane Schuur).
Polly, Tim, and Placenta applauded wildly. “Where did you learn to do that?” Polly said, still laughing at Charlotte’s caricature of her.
Charlotte shrugged her shoulders. “I can’t help impersonating people. This talent used to get me into trouble when I was a kid. One day I tricked my mother into thinking she was talking on the phone to Ed McMahon. Using his voice I told her that the Prize Patrol had taken a wrong turn and couldn’t find our house. After Mother gave directions, the poor thing waited all day and all night for Ed to arrive with a big cardboard check, champagne, and a bouquet of flowers and balloons. Of course he never did come to the house. Mom even called The Tonight Show to try and reach Ed. I know better now, but at the time I didn’t think it was cruel. I just wanted a big laugh.” Charlotte
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