her dress and her hair but I won’t tell you about them because why would that interest you.
“Jer,” she said. “I’ve been so happy for you, since you got that loan. Happy, happy happy.”
The drinks came.
“When a man does something on his own,” she said. “When someone does something on her own, he comes back a different person. I came back different. You came back different. Cheers. I loved that … I hope ya don’t mind me saying this … but I loved that look on your face when ya came to the truck the other day because it reminded me of mine. I looked just like that when I came here from home. When I got off the boat …”
We both drank those whiskeys quick like Here Comes a Holiday and ordered a couple more. I ordered spaghetti and Kathleen ordered spaghetti because that’s what Giovanni’s was known for. And we got a jug of red wine.
“It’s terrifying, Jer, thinkin that there’s nothing between you and starvation, you and some great cold nothing, except your own courage. You’ve gotta … I’ve gotta … stand up, go out and do something, because if ya don’t there’s nothing but that cold, do ya hear me, Jer?”
She just went right ahead and got all thoughtful and it was justwhat I needed, just what we needed, to make a kiss in the back of a truck more than that. Just what I needed to make me hungry and easy.
“I knew about every step when I got here, like every time somebody said something to me I remembered it. Tom, the fella I followed, disappeared completely. I walked around, like, not knowing where to walk around. And ya decide, don’t you?”
“That’s right.”
“You decide. Am I gonna be lost or not?”
“That’s right. You plan.”
“Exactly, Jer. You plan what yer gonna do next. What’s your next move, as they say. That’s what ya decide. And I decided.”
“The truck.”
“Exactly, Jerry. That’s a lovely Irish name. Did you know that my father had a brother named Gerald? Gerald became a priest. That was his decision. Some of them find God, don’t they, but that wasn’t my decision. In Ireland, Jerry, ya make God your decision for keepin out the cold, or ya leave. It wasn’t just Tom, ya see, Jerry. It was me. I knew, Jerry, that he didn’t want me to come, but I came no matter. I was frightened like a little kid, I was, everything louder and bigger. None of it’s louder or bigger but I felt so, Jerry, I felt so, and all the funny accents and the drivin, flip me, if I couldn’t get used to the drivin when I got that truck. It was one of them little things ya have to get used to, like the little things on top of all the big things, on top of that worry have I made the right decision leavin home and that fecker Tom leavin me and it’s colder here in the winter than the devil could have planned and my family’s at home forgettin me, and there I am drivin on the wrong flippin side on top of it all. You know, Jerry? Ha! This is good, eh?”
Long sip spaghetti wine.
“So ya come here and ya sit in some rat’s arse of an apartment and ya think who are ya, is what you think, and who would I be, you see, if I weren’t sittin here in this apartment. And ya get some courage, some comfort, they say, thinkin of the bad things you’veavoided and the bad things ya could’ve become or done, or even the boring things that weren’t all that bad that you avoided because they just bored you, and ya think, right, I’m not so bad off, but that’s utter bollocks is that, Jer, when yer actually sittin there with shite around you, isn’t it, because deep inside ya know who you are and that no matter what comfort yiz are getting from thinking of the people you aren’t yer still the person you are, who is a cold and lonely one sittin there surrounded by shite which slowly yiz are realizing only yooz can clear away. That’s what I realized anyways, Jer, and that’s in my circumstances, Jerry, where the plannin really starts, and could ya just top that up
“Jer,” she said. “I’ve been so happy for you, since you got that loan. Happy, happy happy.”
The drinks came.
“When a man does something on his own,” she said. “When someone does something on her own, he comes back a different person. I came back different. You came back different. Cheers. I loved that … I hope ya don’t mind me saying this … but I loved that look on your face when ya came to the truck the other day because it reminded me of mine. I looked just like that when I came here from home. When I got off the boat …”
We both drank those whiskeys quick like Here Comes a Holiday and ordered a couple more. I ordered spaghetti and Kathleen ordered spaghetti because that’s what Giovanni’s was known for. And we got a jug of red wine.
“It’s terrifying, Jer, thinkin that there’s nothing between you and starvation, you and some great cold nothing, except your own courage. You’ve gotta … I’ve gotta … stand up, go out and do something, because if ya don’t there’s nothing but that cold, do ya hear me, Jer?”
She just went right ahead and got all thoughtful and it was justwhat I needed, just what we needed, to make a kiss in the back of a truck more than that. Just what I needed to make me hungry and easy.
“I knew about every step when I got here, like every time somebody said something to me I remembered it. Tom, the fella I followed, disappeared completely. I walked around, like, not knowing where to walk around. And ya decide, don’t you?”
“That’s right.”
“You decide. Am I gonna be lost or not?”
“That’s right. You plan.”
“Exactly, Jer. You plan what yer gonna do next. What’s your next move, as they say. That’s what ya decide. And I decided.”
“The truck.”
“Exactly, Jerry. That’s a lovely Irish name. Did you know that my father had a brother named Gerald? Gerald became a priest. That was his decision. Some of them find God, don’t they, but that wasn’t my decision. In Ireland, Jerry, ya make God your decision for keepin out the cold, or ya leave. It wasn’t just Tom, ya see, Jerry. It was me. I knew, Jerry, that he didn’t want me to come, but I came no matter. I was frightened like a little kid, I was, everything louder and bigger. None of it’s louder or bigger but I felt so, Jerry, I felt so, and all the funny accents and the drivin, flip me, if I couldn’t get used to the drivin when I got that truck. It was one of them little things ya have to get used to, like the little things on top of all the big things, on top of that worry have I made the right decision leavin home and that fecker Tom leavin me and it’s colder here in the winter than the devil could have planned and my family’s at home forgettin me, and there I am drivin on the wrong flippin side on top of it all. You know, Jerry? Ha! This is good, eh?”
Long sip spaghetti wine.
“So ya come here and ya sit in some rat’s arse of an apartment and ya think who are ya, is what you think, and who would I be, you see, if I weren’t sittin here in this apartment. And ya get some courage, some comfort, they say, thinkin of the bad things you’veavoided and the bad things ya could’ve become or done, or even the boring things that weren’t all that bad that you avoided because they just bored you, and ya think, right, I’m not so bad off, but that’s utter bollocks is that, Jer, when yer actually sittin there with shite around you, isn’t it, because deep inside ya know who you are and that no matter what comfort yiz are getting from thinking of the people you aren’t yer still the person you are, who is a cold and lonely one sittin there surrounded by shite which slowly yiz are realizing only yooz can clear away. That’s what I realized anyways, Jer, and that’s in my circumstances, Jerry, where the plannin really starts, and could ya just top that up
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