I’d lost my dad. And now I was losing my mom. All that was left was me — a stupid, no good, nothing girl.
That night, Jujube brought Rick to visit. At first I didn’t know where to look. There I was, sitting in my bed in a dumb hospital gown. I’d been crying, so my eyes were red, and I didn’t have any makeup on. I must have looked gross.
Jujube sat on the side of my bed and looked back and forth between Rick and me. She grinned like a cat when I told them about the group home.
“I’ll phone you every day,” she said. “I’ll come visit you.”
“You’re not worried about the weirdos I’ll be living with?” I asked. Then I remembered Rick had a friend who was living in a group home. He would probably hate me for saying something like that. I stared down at my hands, hoping he wouldn’t get mad.
He didn’t sound mad. He just said, “You’re going to a group home because your dad beat you, not because you’re killing people in shopping malls.”
“I guess,” I said.
“Hey,” he said. “Maybe you’ll end up at the same one Bert’s living in.”
This made me kind of laugh. I looked at him quickly and he grinned at me. “Then I could visit you both at the same time,” he said.
This really made me laugh. I was kind of nervous, but Rick and Jujube laughed too, so I didn’t feel too stupid. Suddenly words started coming out of me again — the truth, like it had with Ms. Lee and my mom.
“I guess I think maybe my mom’s going crazy,” I said. I started to cry again. Here I’d just been laughing, and a minute later I was crying. But I couldn’t help it. “It’s because of everything that’s happened,” I said. “It’s making my mom go crazy, but she won’t tell me. Ms. Lee won’t tell me either.”
There was a moment of silence, so quiet it almost hurt. Then Jujube said, “So what if she is for a while? She’s trying to get better, isn’t she? Just give her a chance.”
“I guess,” I said, staring at my hands. “But I’m scared. What if she really goes off the deep end? Then I’d have to go live with my dad.”
“No way!” said Jujube, jumping up. “Never ever EVER!” Her green eye was really green.
“That wouldn’t happen,” said Rick. “Just ask Ms. Lee. She’ll tell you.”
“I guess,” I said again. “But it’s more than my mom. Nothing’s the same now. Everything’s different. And I’ve got to go live in a group home with people I don’t know. It feels like I’m moving to outer space. I didn’t want any of this to happen. I wanted my dad to stop hitting me, but I didn’t want the rest of it.”
For a long minute, Jujube and Rick just looked at me. Then Jujube said, “Not everything is different. I’m not different, and I’m still your friend. I’ll come visit you no matter where you live. So will your mom, Froggy. You’ll see.”
“Not Froggy,” Rick told her quietly. “Her name’s Sophie.” He looked at me and said, “I’ll visit you too, Sophie.”
I started to go red and looked away. No you won’t , I thought. But I didn’t say it.
“I guess,” I said. “I just wish things were okay with my dad and none of this had happened.”
“But it did happen,” Jujube said loudly. “And now things have to change so it won’t happen again.”
When she said this, a bright clear feeling went through me and I understood what she meant. Because she was right. Something had happened that had changed things for good. There was no point in wishing it hadn’t happened, or trying to cover it up. But I still had my mom and Jujube, and I still had me. Me — the stupid, no good, nothing girl.
No , I thought. The something girl. SomeONE .
I took a deep breath. Okay , I thought. I’m someone, and I’m moving to a group home. Not to outer space, and not to the end of the earth. It’s just a home with other kids like me .
I looked at Jujube and smiled— a little smile, but it counted.
“I guess,” I said.
Chapter Twelve
Ms.
That night, Jujube brought Rick to visit. At first I didn’t know where to look. There I was, sitting in my bed in a dumb hospital gown. I’d been crying, so my eyes were red, and I didn’t have any makeup on. I must have looked gross.
Jujube sat on the side of my bed and looked back and forth between Rick and me. She grinned like a cat when I told them about the group home.
“I’ll phone you every day,” she said. “I’ll come visit you.”
“You’re not worried about the weirdos I’ll be living with?” I asked. Then I remembered Rick had a friend who was living in a group home. He would probably hate me for saying something like that. I stared down at my hands, hoping he wouldn’t get mad.
He didn’t sound mad. He just said, “You’re going to a group home because your dad beat you, not because you’re killing people in shopping malls.”
“I guess,” I said.
“Hey,” he said. “Maybe you’ll end up at the same one Bert’s living in.”
This made me kind of laugh. I looked at him quickly and he grinned at me. “Then I could visit you both at the same time,” he said.
This really made me laugh. I was kind of nervous, but Rick and Jujube laughed too, so I didn’t feel too stupid. Suddenly words started coming out of me again — the truth, like it had with Ms. Lee and my mom.
“I guess I think maybe my mom’s going crazy,” I said. I started to cry again. Here I’d just been laughing, and a minute later I was crying. But I couldn’t help it. “It’s because of everything that’s happened,” I said. “It’s making my mom go crazy, but she won’t tell me. Ms. Lee won’t tell me either.”
There was a moment of silence, so quiet it almost hurt. Then Jujube said, “So what if she is for a while? She’s trying to get better, isn’t she? Just give her a chance.”
“I guess,” I said, staring at my hands. “But I’m scared. What if she really goes off the deep end? Then I’d have to go live with my dad.”
“No way!” said Jujube, jumping up. “Never ever EVER!” Her green eye was really green.
“That wouldn’t happen,” said Rick. “Just ask Ms. Lee. She’ll tell you.”
“I guess,” I said again. “But it’s more than my mom. Nothing’s the same now. Everything’s different. And I’ve got to go live in a group home with people I don’t know. It feels like I’m moving to outer space. I didn’t want any of this to happen. I wanted my dad to stop hitting me, but I didn’t want the rest of it.”
For a long minute, Jujube and Rick just looked at me. Then Jujube said, “Not everything is different. I’m not different, and I’m still your friend. I’ll come visit you no matter where you live. So will your mom, Froggy. You’ll see.”
“Not Froggy,” Rick told her quietly. “Her name’s Sophie.” He looked at me and said, “I’ll visit you too, Sophie.”
I started to go red and looked away. No you won’t , I thought. But I didn’t say it.
“I guess,” I said. “I just wish things were okay with my dad and none of this had happened.”
“But it did happen,” Jujube said loudly. “And now things have to change so it won’t happen again.”
When she said this, a bright clear feeling went through me and I understood what she meant. Because she was right. Something had happened that had changed things for good. There was no point in wishing it hadn’t happened, or trying to cover it up. But I still had my mom and Jujube, and I still had me. Me — the stupid, no good, nothing girl.
No , I thought. The something girl. SomeONE .
I took a deep breath. Okay , I thought. I’m someone, and I’m moving to a group home. Not to outer space, and not to the end of the earth. It’s just a home with other kids like me .
I looked at Jujube and smiled— a little smile, but it counted.
“I guess,” I said.
Chapter Twelve
Ms.
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