Sorrows of Adoration by Kimberly Chapman

surprise. Then he
wrapped them around me and returned the kiss, igniting my entire
being with desire and longing and love.
    As the kiss ended and I
fell into his embrace, he held my head against his shoulder again
and said, “I’m not sorry. Not in the least.”
    I realized what I had
done and stepped back, ashamed of myself. I could not speak; it was
all I could do to breathe. We stood like that, facing each other
two paces apart, silent, for some time. He must have heard my
thoughts of shame, for eventually he said, “Don’t be sorry, either.
It wasn’t wrong. It can’t have been.”
    I felt my face turn red
and could look at him no more. I turned my eyes to the ground and
worked my hands into a knot. He approached me and took my hands,
parted them gently and held them in his own. I looked at him, and
he seemed like he was going to say something but then didn’t.
    “I trust you,” I
blurted out.
    He seemed confused but
said, “That’s a good thing.”
    “I mean, I trust you,
with the blankets.” I paused until he understood what I meant, that
we could still share the blankets and not have to freeze for
propriety’s sake. “Does that make me …” I trailed off, unsure
what word I wished to use to describe my concern that he would find
me indecorous.
    “No, not at all,” he
said softly, squeezing my hands in emphasis. “I can still be a
gentleman. I … you … we’ll be …”
    “Just sleeping and
staying warm,” I said.
    He nodded. Again we
stood frozen for some time, locked in each other’s gaze. My heart
pounded so loudly now, I wondered that it did not echo in the
hills.
    He let go of my hands
and bade me take his arm, just like a lady of the court. I could
not help but smile and blush at being treated so kindly, and
allowed him to gently guide me to our shelter for the night.
     

Chapter
3
     
    WHEN I WOKE THE next
morning, Jarik was already awake, sitting nearby watching me. I
looked at him, and he smiled back me.
    “We should reach the
gates of Endren by mid afternoon, if the weather is kind to us,” he
said.
    I stretched and sat up.
Smiling back at him, I said, “A bath. That’s all I want right now,
more than food or mended clothes, or even a soft bed. I really want
a bath.”
    He laughed and said,
“At least it’s been cold. Can you imagine how we’d stink travelling
like this in summer’s heat?”
    “Ugh,” I grunted,
wrinkling my nose at the thought.
    “The guards would smell
us before we were even in sight.” He chuckled.
    I wrinkled my nose even
more and replied, “Don’t even mention it. I couldn’t bear to be
that filthy. This is bad enough, and there’s been snow to wash my
face.”
    We ate the last of the
preserved food, little that there was, packed the gear, and headed
off. The sun was nowhere to be seen, and snow had fallen during the
night, adding a powdery layer over the ice crusts we had battled
the day before. As the day warmed slightly, the powder became wet
enough to give us better traction as we walked, and our steps made
loud creaking noises.
    Once we were down that
last large hill, we could no longer see Endren, but we were clearly
passing through farmland surrounding the city. We came to long
fences cutting across our path, and a few times were able to make
out farmhouses in the distance.
    The approach made me
worry again for the Prince, and I said to Jarik, “I hope the others
returned safely.”
    “Don’t worry,” he said
calmly. “Jarik’s one of the wisest and mightiest warriors in
Keshaerlan. He can care for himself.”
    I stopped walking. I
thought I must have misheard, but still I said, “You called him
Jarik.”
    Jarik stopped and
turned back to face me, wearing that confused look again. As usual,
he quickly composed himself and said, “Did I? I must be tired from
lack of comfortable sleep and decent food.”
    There was something
wrong with his dismissal, and the fact that he’d kept looking out
of place in such a fashion ever since