I don't think you liked my manner, and so you just— rode me down."
There was a little silence. Then:
"Go on," said Helena gravely. "I could listen to your— your theories all day."
"Are they wrong?"
"Of course. Never mind. After all, it's the effort that counts. I admit I quite like you both. You're simple and clean and honest, and— and I haven't got many friends."
Her words seemed to switch on some current— to set playing some emotion that I had not known before.
I sat up and looked at her.
She was sitting sideways, propping herself on an arm; and either because of her pose or because her hair was tumbled, she seemed no more the fine lady, but only a beautiful child.
Suddenly I wanted to protect her, to put my arms about her and hold her close, to tell her I would not leave her, to lift up her precious heart.
Yesterday I had done homage, called myself her servant and kissed the hand of a queen; but now I felt no reverence— only a wild desire to comfort a lonely child. But I must hold her, to do it; I could not say what I wanted, unless she was in my arms.
And then in one blinding flash I knew that I was in love.
I have tried to set down my feelings as plainly as ever I can; and if they seem crude and foolish, it cannot be helped. I think that I had loved her from the moment I left the cafe to take my seat in her car, but till now I had not known it, but had supposed my love admiration and the pleasure that I found in her presence such as one finds in the contemplation of some ideal.
Be that as it may, I know that my discovery shocked me, for it was, I knew, a presumption which she would never forgive. The bare thought of her finding me out made me feel weak and sick, for the moment she so much as suspected my state of heart, our friendship was bound to vanish as though it had never been. Pharaoh or no, John Spencer would be dismissed, her majesty having no further use for his services; for the beautiful child beside me was not what she seemed. She was the Countess Helena of Yorick, that threw her purse to a beggar or rode him down.
Now at this alarming juncture to betray any kind of emotion was the last thing I wanted to do; but as I sat there beside her, thrilled and appalled and insisting that she must never suspect me of such an offence, to my horror I felt the blood rising to flood my face. And while I was sitting before this new misfortune, as they say in the Bible, as the sheep before her shearers is dumb, Helena turned and saw me, and looked away.
I shut my eyes and I think that I prayed for death.
Then:
"Sabre," said Helena. "John's blushing. What have I said?"
Chapter 8
THAT night was very dark, and I would have given a lot to have seen but once by daylight the roads that I was to patrol. Quite apart from picking my way, I could see no track or turning until I was actually there, and since it was these points which I wished most of all to locate, it was immediately apparent that what for two would have been easy, was going to be the devil for one.
Though I ran with the windscreen raised, I could only just see my way, and I dared not look round for an instant for fear of leaving the road; yet I had to pick up my bearings and to watch the speedometer, too, and to be on the constant look-out for another car. I had learned from the map the distances which I must cover from point to point; if, therefore, I watched my mileage, I could tell when I was approaching some turning I wished to survey. But I had forgotten that each time I glanced at the dash its light must blacken the darkness when my eyes returned to the road.
It follows that after ten minutes the only idea I had left was to get to where Sabre was waiting at the mouth of the castle drive; and this, after great tribulation, I found about half-past ten. I overran it, of course. However, I knew I was right, so I stopped the engine and listened and then stepped into the road.
I was hastening back in the shadows when I suddenly found
There was a little silence. Then:
"Go on," said Helena gravely. "I could listen to your— your theories all day."
"Are they wrong?"
"Of course. Never mind. After all, it's the effort that counts. I admit I quite like you both. You're simple and clean and honest, and— and I haven't got many friends."
Her words seemed to switch on some current— to set playing some emotion that I had not known before.
I sat up and looked at her.
She was sitting sideways, propping herself on an arm; and either because of her pose or because her hair was tumbled, she seemed no more the fine lady, but only a beautiful child.
Suddenly I wanted to protect her, to put my arms about her and hold her close, to tell her I would not leave her, to lift up her precious heart.
Yesterday I had done homage, called myself her servant and kissed the hand of a queen; but now I felt no reverence— only a wild desire to comfort a lonely child. But I must hold her, to do it; I could not say what I wanted, unless she was in my arms.
And then in one blinding flash I knew that I was in love.
I have tried to set down my feelings as plainly as ever I can; and if they seem crude and foolish, it cannot be helped. I think that I had loved her from the moment I left the cafe to take my seat in her car, but till now I had not known it, but had supposed my love admiration and the pleasure that I found in her presence such as one finds in the contemplation of some ideal.
Be that as it may, I know that my discovery shocked me, for it was, I knew, a presumption which she would never forgive. The bare thought of her finding me out made me feel weak and sick, for the moment she so much as suspected my state of heart, our friendship was bound to vanish as though it had never been. Pharaoh or no, John Spencer would be dismissed, her majesty having no further use for his services; for the beautiful child beside me was not what she seemed. She was the Countess Helena of Yorick, that threw her purse to a beggar or rode him down.
Now at this alarming juncture to betray any kind of emotion was the last thing I wanted to do; but as I sat there beside her, thrilled and appalled and insisting that she must never suspect me of such an offence, to my horror I felt the blood rising to flood my face. And while I was sitting before this new misfortune, as they say in the Bible, as the sheep before her shearers is dumb, Helena turned and saw me, and looked away.
I shut my eyes and I think that I prayed for death.
Then:
"Sabre," said Helena. "John's blushing. What have I said?"
Chapter 8
THAT night was very dark, and I would have given a lot to have seen but once by daylight the roads that I was to patrol. Quite apart from picking my way, I could see no track or turning until I was actually there, and since it was these points which I wished most of all to locate, it was immediately apparent that what for two would have been easy, was going to be the devil for one.
Though I ran with the windscreen raised, I could only just see my way, and I dared not look round for an instant for fear of leaving the road; yet I had to pick up my bearings and to watch the speedometer, too, and to be on the constant look-out for another car. I had learned from the map the distances which I must cover from point to point; if, therefore, I watched my mileage, I could tell when I was approaching some turning I wished to survey. But I had forgotten that each time I glanced at the dash its light must blacken the darkness when my eyes returned to the road.
It follows that after ten minutes the only idea I had left was to get to where Sabre was waiting at the mouth of the castle drive; and this, after great tribulation, I found about half-past ten. I overran it, of course. However, I knew I was right, so I stopped the engine and listened and then stepped into the road.
I was hastening back in the shadows when I suddenly found
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