looks at me, I look right back and for a few seconds I’m lost for words, I literally cannot think of a single thing to say to him. Luckily for me, he breaks the silence.
“You’re here for five days, right?” Carter asks me.
His choice of question surprises me, I’m not sure what I expected but it wasn’t this question. I take a deep breath and prepare to answer him.
Just tell him the bare minimum, he doesn’t have to know everything.
“No… I’m… I’m here longer than that.”
“Oh? Megan and Harr—”
“They don’t know, and I’d really appreciate it if you don’t tell them right now. I’ve got…”
Why do I feel like I can tell him everything? I haven’t told anyone other than my parents, not Megs or Josie.
No one.
So why does this brown eyed, cheeky guy make me want to confess everything? Why do I feel like, if I can just tell him, everything will be easier?
“I wouldn’t, it’s not my place,” he looks at me like he’s hearing something more than what I’m telling him. “Carmen… Are you okay? Is there something wrong?”
“Yes actually,” I whisper croakily, suddenly more scared than I have ever been in my whole life. “I have… Carter?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m so scared.” I tell him honestly.
“Why? You can talk to me, I’m a really good listener.” he smiles at me and I try to smile back but my face just won’t cooperate.
“I’m moving back home. I… I was diagnosed… I can’t even say the word.” I whisper.
“Can you give me a hint?” he asks leaning forward and taking my hand.
“It’s the worst thing someone can be diagnosed with,” I tell him, tears filling my eyes, fear filling my stomach. “I have to go to the hospital Wednesday and discuss everything through with them. Then I guess it’s luck?” I try to laugh but a sob breaks free from my throat instead.
Carter stands and comes to sit in the empty chair next to me, he pulls me to his chest and holds me while I sob, unable to control it or stop it. It’s the first time I’ve allowed myself to feel these emotions, the first time I’ve truly thought about what this all means.
“I have cancer, Carter.” I sob, the truth suddenly seeming too heavy to carry around alone any more.
“Shit, I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.” he keeps repeating the same three words over and over until the sobs subside and I pull back.
“Don’t tell anyone, please. Not Jack or Josie and not Megs. I can’t… They have so much going on in their lives right now, they don’t need… I don’t want… Just please.” I plead.
“I won’t tell anyone, I promise. But they’d want to know.”
“I know, and I will tell them, I promise I will, just not right now, I can’t right now. I need to know exactly what I’m facing before I tell them.”
“Okay.”
He pulls me back to him and does something I don’t expect him to, he places a kiss on the top of my head. It’s a sweet, comforting kiss and it makes every last ounce of strength I have disappear.
“I can’t do this alone. I’m so scared. Mum and Dad, they’ll be there for me, of course they will, but I can’t stand to put them through this, Carter. I can’t”
“Hey, you won’t have to. I’m here. I’m here, and I won’t let you go through this on your own.”
“You have a life Carter and you barely know me.” I wipe my eyes and look at him.
He looks completely serious and a little hurt by what I just said. Is he being serious? How can he possibly mean that? We met two days ago, we know nothing about each other, how can he say he’ll be there for me?
“Does it matter? You’re facing one of the worst things anyone could ever have to face, you won’t tell your friends, you cannot go through this alone, I won’t let you and I’m sure as hell going to be there for you,” he looks at me then adds as an after thought. “If you want me to be.”
“Are you real?” I half laugh, half sob,
“As real as they come.” he smiles,
“You’re here for five days, right?” Carter asks me.
His choice of question surprises me, I’m not sure what I expected but it wasn’t this question. I take a deep breath and prepare to answer him.
Just tell him the bare minimum, he doesn’t have to know everything.
“No… I’m… I’m here longer than that.”
“Oh? Megan and Harr—”
“They don’t know, and I’d really appreciate it if you don’t tell them right now. I’ve got…”
Why do I feel like I can tell him everything? I haven’t told anyone other than my parents, not Megs or Josie.
No one.
So why does this brown eyed, cheeky guy make me want to confess everything? Why do I feel like, if I can just tell him, everything will be easier?
“I wouldn’t, it’s not my place,” he looks at me like he’s hearing something more than what I’m telling him. “Carmen… Are you okay? Is there something wrong?”
“Yes actually,” I whisper croakily, suddenly more scared than I have ever been in my whole life. “I have… Carter?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m so scared.” I tell him honestly.
“Why? You can talk to me, I’m a really good listener.” he smiles at me and I try to smile back but my face just won’t cooperate.
“I’m moving back home. I… I was diagnosed… I can’t even say the word.” I whisper.
“Can you give me a hint?” he asks leaning forward and taking my hand.
“It’s the worst thing someone can be diagnosed with,” I tell him, tears filling my eyes, fear filling my stomach. “I have to go to the hospital Wednesday and discuss everything through with them. Then I guess it’s luck?” I try to laugh but a sob breaks free from my throat instead.
Carter stands and comes to sit in the empty chair next to me, he pulls me to his chest and holds me while I sob, unable to control it or stop it. It’s the first time I’ve allowed myself to feel these emotions, the first time I’ve truly thought about what this all means.
“I have cancer, Carter.” I sob, the truth suddenly seeming too heavy to carry around alone any more.
“Shit, I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.” he keeps repeating the same three words over and over until the sobs subside and I pull back.
“Don’t tell anyone, please. Not Jack or Josie and not Megs. I can’t… They have so much going on in their lives right now, they don’t need… I don’t want… Just please.” I plead.
“I won’t tell anyone, I promise. But they’d want to know.”
“I know, and I will tell them, I promise I will, just not right now, I can’t right now. I need to know exactly what I’m facing before I tell them.”
“Okay.”
He pulls me back to him and does something I don’t expect him to, he places a kiss on the top of my head. It’s a sweet, comforting kiss and it makes every last ounce of strength I have disappear.
“I can’t do this alone. I’m so scared. Mum and Dad, they’ll be there for me, of course they will, but I can’t stand to put them through this, Carter. I can’t”
“Hey, you won’t have to. I’m here. I’m here, and I won’t let you go through this on your own.”
“You have a life Carter and you barely know me.” I wipe my eyes and look at him.
He looks completely serious and a little hurt by what I just said. Is he being serious? How can he possibly mean that? We met two days ago, we know nothing about each other, how can he say he’ll be there for me?
“Does it matter? You’re facing one of the worst things anyone could ever have to face, you won’t tell your friends, you cannot go through this alone, I won’t let you and I’m sure as hell going to be there for you,” he looks at me then adds as an after thought. “If you want me to be.”
“Are you real?” I half laugh, half sob,
“As real as they come.” he smiles,
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