don’t understand. I only want you. I know I seem like a screw up, and that’s because I am. I can’t believe I’m saying this. I think you’re the forever girl. The one you bring home to your parents, the one you spend Christmas with, the one you have children with. You’re that girl, Nat.”
Holy Hell. It was true. A little light just went on in my dark drug-filled brain. She was that girl — she was different, she was… I mean she could be… mine. My mind went to that place. The place where there weren’t any drugs, just me and her, laughing, holding hands, spending Sunday afternoons together in bed.
“I don’t know how to respond to that,” she whispered.
I sighed. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, Nat. What I did was childish and stupid. I got drunk at a party and made out with a complete stranger just because she was in front of me. I don’t even remember who it was. I only know she had blonde hair. I really did think she was you, but when I noticed she wasn’t, I was too drunk too care.”
Nat hunched over. “Well, at least you’re honest.”
“Honesty sucks.” I exhaled and looked away, looking directly at her hurt my heart, and my heart hadn’t hurt in that way in a very long time. It was a new feeling, not being numb. I wasn’t used to it. “Nat, I want to be with you. Let me earn your trust again. Let me be the guy I’ve always wanted to be. I want to be that guy for you.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “I can’t save you, Demetri.”
“I don’t want you to. I just want you by my side as inspiration when I save myself.” Because I knew better than she did… it didn’t work that way. People didn’t save other people. You could only depend on yourself. Look at Alec. He was still trying to save me and what did that get him? A game of Go Fish and blue balls.
“Please, Nat.” I wasn’t against begging.
I reached out and cupped her chin, gently pulling her head closer to mine. Her eyes flickered with interest. Something was holding her back and I wasn’t about to let that something keep me from her.
I tried again, “Help me be better. I need you in my life, Nat. You’re like my sunshine, my air. I can’t explain it, I just know I’m lost without you.” My lips grazed her cheek then lingered.
“Don’t make me regret this, Demetri.”
My entire body felt free. “Really?” My smile felt so real.
She nodded.
“Do you want breakfast?” I pushed away from the bed and held out my hand.
She took it and mumbled, “I’m starving.”
Chuckling, I lifted her into my arms. “I bet you are. Though a little bird told me you ate quite a bit of Swedish Fish last night.”
“I’m going to kill Alec!” she yelled. Aw, how cute, she thought she stood a chance against that much muscle. Good luck.
I threw my head back and laughed. “I should have warned you how he plays Go Fish.” Or any game for that matter.
“He’s an animal!” she yelled as I carried her down the stairs. I wasn’t ready to let her go yet, and I wanted Alec to see that I’d taken the higher road.
“Heard that!” Alec fired back from the kitchen.
I laughed and set Nat down on her feet and went to the fridge to pull out the contents for a kick ass omelet. I could do this. I could do normal.
“Morning, sleepy head. Did you know you snore?” Alec said, not looking a way from the skillet.
“I do not!” Nat defended.
“Do to,” Alec and I said in unison.
“You were drunk!” Nat punched my arm.
Laughing, I answered, “Drunk, sweetheart, not deaf.”
She glared.
“She’s crazy when she’s hungry,” I said under my breath as I quickly grabbed a plate and piled some fruit on it as a peace offering to the grumpy bear.
Alec finished making the eggs and handed me the plate. I’m going to go for a run, I’ll see you guys later, kay?”
I carried the plate to the table.
“Is he okay?” Nat nudged me just as I’d taken a huge bite of food.
“Who? Alec? Of course, he’s fine.
Holy Hell. It was true. A little light just went on in my dark drug-filled brain. She was that girl — she was different, she was… I mean she could be… mine. My mind went to that place. The place where there weren’t any drugs, just me and her, laughing, holding hands, spending Sunday afternoons together in bed.
“I don’t know how to respond to that,” she whispered.
I sighed. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, Nat. What I did was childish and stupid. I got drunk at a party and made out with a complete stranger just because she was in front of me. I don’t even remember who it was. I only know she had blonde hair. I really did think she was you, but when I noticed she wasn’t, I was too drunk too care.”
Nat hunched over. “Well, at least you’re honest.”
“Honesty sucks.” I exhaled and looked away, looking directly at her hurt my heart, and my heart hadn’t hurt in that way in a very long time. It was a new feeling, not being numb. I wasn’t used to it. “Nat, I want to be with you. Let me earn your trust again. Let me be the guy I’ve always wanted to be. I want to be that guy for you.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “I can’t save you, Demetri.”
“I don’t want you to. I just want you by my side as inspiration when I save myself.” Because I knew better than she did… it didn’t work that way. People didn’t save other people. You could only depend on yourself. Look at Alec. He was still trying to save me and what did that get him? A game of Go Fish and blue balls.
“Please, Nat.” I wasn’t against begging.
I reached out and cupped her chin, gently pulling her head closer to mine. Her eyes flickered with interest. Something was holding her back and I wasn’t about to let that something keep me from her.
I tried again, “Help me be better. I need you in my life, Nat. You’re like my sunshine, my air. I can’t explain it, I just know I’m lost without you.” My lips grazed her cheek then lingered.
“Don’t make me regret this, Demetri.”
My entire body felt free. “Really?” My smile felt so real.
She nodded.
“Do you want breakfast?” I pushed away from the bed and held out my hand.
She took it and mumbled, “I’m starving.”
Chuckling, I lifted her into my arms. “I bet you are. Though a little bird told me you ate quite a bit of Swedish Fish last night.”
“I’m going to kill Alec!” she yelled. Aw, how cute, she thought she stood a chance against that much muscle. Good luck.
I threw my head back and laughed. “I should have warned you how he plays Go Fish.” Or any game for that matter.
“He’s an animal!” she yelled as I carried her down the stairs. I wasn’t ready to let her go yet, and I wanted Alec to see that I’d taken the higher road.
“Heard that!” Alec fired back from the kitchen.
I laughed and set Nat down on her feet and went to the fridge to pull out the contents for a kick ass omelet. I could do this. I could do normal.
“Morning, sleepy head. Did you know you snore?” Alec said, not looking a way from the skillet.
“I do not!” Nat defended.
“Do to,” Alec and I said in unison.
“You were drunk!” Nat punched my arm.
Laughing, I answered, “Drunk, sweetheart, not deaf.”
She glared.
“She’s crazy when she’s hungry,” I said under my breath as I quickly grabbed a plate and piled some fruit on it as a peace offering to the grumpy bear.
Alec finished making the eggs and handed me the plate. I’m going to go for a run, I’ll see you guys later, kay?”
I carried the plate to the table.
“Is he okay?” Nat nudged me just as I’d taken a huge bite of food.
“Who? Alec? Of course, he’s fine.
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