Suck It Up by Brian Meehl Page B

‘Williams Bird Bridge.’” She read on.

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    If not for the heroic actions taken by Officer Phil Newsome, we would be mourning the last morning of little Morning McCobb. Last Monday, three-year-old Morning escaped from the St. Giles Group Home for Boys, evaded concerned citizens for three blocks, and ran into the middle of the A.M. rush-hour traffic coming off the Williamsburg Bridge. Waving his arms and shouting, “Go ’way. Not your bridge! Go ’way!” he was almost struck by several swerving vehicles. Directing traffic near the base of the bridge, Officer Newsome sprang into action, ran into the oncoming traffic, scooped up Morning, and saved him from serious injury or worse.
    After the toddler was reunited with a panicked Sister Flora from St. Giles, the nun explained what was behind Morning’s strange behavior. The night before, when Morning mispronounced Williamsburg Bridge as “Williams Bird Bridge,” Sister Flora made up a bedtime story about the Williams Bird Bridge and why pigeons fly. Before the story put little Morning to sleep, it also planted a bizarre notion in his impressionable mind: The bridge had been unfairly taken away from the pigeons. The next morning, the outraged toddler took it upon himself to correct this injustice. So he charged onto the “Williams Bird Bridge” to reclaim it for the pigeons. Fortunately, Officer Newsome charged after him and saved Morning’s first heroic act from being his last.
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    Portia read the article twice before she realized why she was so fascinated with this little squib of a story. What if her video essay was about this incident? Like a minidocumentary of then and now. She could do a dramatic recreation of the event, and then mix it with interviews with Morning, Officer Newsome, and Sister Flora. It would be
so
Ken Burns. But she needed to know more. Especially about the bedtime story the nun had told Morning. What kind of story would motivate a three-year-old to run into traffic?
    Portia grabbed her Sony Handycam, unlocked her door, and stepped into the hall. The TV downstairs was now off. The only noise was her mother’s voice on the phone in her office. She glanced down the hall. The door to the guest room was shut. Light spilled from underneath it. He’d gone to bed, but he was still awake.
    She moved to his door and raised a hand to knock. She stopped. She couldn’t believe what she was doing. It was
so
stupid. If she knocked and asked him about Sister Flora’s bedtime story, he would totally take it the wrong way. She’d be standing there in her baggy sweats and NYU sweatshirt, but all he’d see, in his testosterone-steeped stupor, would be a Victoria’s Secret model who had
knocked on his door!
A Victoria’s Secret model who had knocked on his door,
and
wanted to film something!
    Retreating to her room, she muttered, “It can wait till morning.” She chuckled at her unintended joke and re-locked her door.

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    FAQs

    CAN VAMPIRES HAVE CHILDREN?
    No. We’re a sterile race. Which is a good thing. An immortal race that could breed would soon turn the world into a mosh pit of immortals. Sterility is the price we pay for immortality.
    WHAT IS IMMORTALITY?
    An ancient way of being. Many species started out immortal. While a few species survive today that can live for hundreds, even thousands of years, mortality evolved in most species for two reasons. (1) It saves them from overwhelming their habitat. (2) Aging and death allows each generation to adapt and evolve in an ever-changing environment.

    In this way, people of mortality are a more evolved species than immortals. But we too can adapt to ensure our survival. Whereas vampires were once the most feared race on earth, we have evolved into a benign and peaceful people. Today, we are no more threatening than an apple orchard.

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9

    Morning Mystified
    Early the next morning, when Portia’s alarm joggled her