by him.’
Head 1: ‘Not in front of the children.’
Head 2: ‘Why? Is smitten too big a word for them?’
Head 1: ‘Yes, but bitten is just right, which is what your head really needs—biting off.’
There was a slight moment when I thought it all might turn out right for me, and they might just forget about me, because Head 1 and Head 2 were snarling at each other, but then they settled down . . . and finally got to me. Sigh.
Head 1: ‘And I will allow you, Head 2, to give the progress report on SuperZero.’
Head 2: ‘No.’
Head 1: ‘Sorry? I told you to . . .’
Head 2: ‘No, I mean there is NO progress at all.’
I mumbled while I took the progress card and walked back towards my corner. Masterror stepped in and placed a hand on my shoulder. ‘I hope you realize bynow, young SuperZero, that you are just not cut out of superhero material.’ (Ya, what is superhero material? That tight spandex stuff? Who CARES!). He wasn’t done. ‘I am recommending to your parents that you be pulled out of Superhero School. I hereby suspend you from class, with immediate effect, until you prove you have indeed some superpowers that we can build on. It was so not very nice knowing you—tra la!’
The class gasped.
An empty chair suddenly shouted, ‘It’s not fair! You’ve got to give him a chance! He made paper planes fly! You shoulda seen him that day!’ It was my buddy Blank, of course, who appeared soon after on the chair.
‘Yes, of course,’ said Masterror, mustering as much sarcasm as he could. ‘Paper plane flying is SUCH a critical superhero talent. How would we save the world without paper planes?’ He looked around the class, expecting the usual round of laughter in response, but everyone was quiet.
Maybe, just maybe, I did have friends out there.
I didn’t want to make this nightmare last even longer than it should. I had my pride after all. And so I just turned around and walked right out.
At home, I was just so fed up of it all that I put the progress card on the dining table, where Dad read it first and then handed it to Mom. ‘He’s out.’ He didn’t say much more. I thought he’d be dancing on the rooftops in glee,but he looked a little crestfallen. Strange. Mom put an arm around him and they both looked sadly at me. I wished they’d just yell at me and get it over with, y’know. Like, c’mon guys, smack my ear or ground me, or make me clean the car all week. Don’t give me the sad puppy look.
Progress Card:
Name of child
:
SuperZero
Year
:
Fresher
Marks out of 100
Super Sight
:
0
Morphing
:
0
Flying
:
0
(You’re getting the picture here?)
Comments:
Effort
: SuperZero makes no effort towards learning anything or practising anything else, and seems to spend all his time plotting how to undo everything the other students have done.
Initiative
: SuperZero showed initiative in trying to burn down a crowd of people, and in flooding a building.
Highlights of the year
: SuperZero kidnapped a small child, scalded a senior student, spoiled a biogas experiment, tried to chain-snatch from an old woman and ruined a fellow student’s cake and party.
Next course of action
: Please keep SuperZero at home, and please shift home as far away from the school.
17. Discover the truth. In a smelly sack
Have you ever felt like this—when you hate something, when it’s gone, you miss it and really want it badly? That’s the way I felt about my superpowers. I’d just never believed I was super somehow. I hadn’t thought of myself as a hero at all. It was just so much easier to just be a regular dude, a smart-ass, a wimpy no-good boy next door, a kid who was trouble. But now I wanted so gigantically badly to get my superpowers. And I had no clue how to!
I walked over to the back garden to find Gra. He’s the only one who’d understand, even if he couldn’t hear half of what I said. But Gra wasn’t around, not in his turnip or carrot patch. Not even at the side around the house, where he
Head 1: ‘Not in front of the children.’
Head 2: ‘Why? Is smitten too big a word for them?’
Head 1: ‘Yes, but bitten is just right, which is what your head really needs—biting off.’
There was a slight moment when I thought it all might turn out right for me, and they might just forget about me, because Head 1 and Head 2 were snarling at each other, but then they settled down . . . and finally got to me. Sigh.
Head 1: ‘And I will allow you, Head 2, to give the progress report on SuperZero.’
Head 2: ‘No.’
Head 1: ‘Sorry? I told you to . . .’
Head 2: ‘No, I mean there is NO progress at all.’
I mumbled while I took the progress card and walked back towards my corner. Masterror stepped in and placed a hand on my shoulder. ‘I hope you realize bynow, young SuperZero, that you are just not cut out of superhero material.’ (Ya, what is superhero material? That tight spandex stuff? Who CARES!). He wasn’t done. ‘I am recommending to your parents that you be pulled out of Superhero School. I hereby suspend you from class, with immediate effect, until you prove you have indeed some superpowers that we can build on. It was so not very nice knowing you—tra la!’
The class gasped.
An empty chair suddenly shouted, ‘It’s not fair! You’ve got to give him a chance! He made paper planes fly! You shoulda seen him that day!’ It was my buddy Blank, of course, who appeared soon after on the chair.
‘Yes, of course,’ said Masterror, mustering as much sarcasm as he could. ‘Paper plane flying is SUCH a critical superhero talent. How would we save the world without paper planes?’ He looked around the class, expecting the usual round of laughter in response, but everyone was quiet.
Maybe, just maybe, I did have friends out there.
I didn’t want to make this nightmare last even longer than it should. I had my pride after all. And so I just turned around and walked right out.
At home, I was just so fed up of it all that I put the progress card on the dining table, where Dad read it first and then handed it to Mom. ‘He’s out.’ He didn’t say much more. I thought he’d be dancing on the rooftops in glee,but he looked a little crestfallen. Strange. Mom put an arm around him and they both looked sadly at me. I wished they’d just yell at me and get it over with, y’know. Like, c’mon guys, smack my ear or ground me, or make me clean the car all week. Don’t give me the sad puppy look.
Progress Card:
Name of child
:
SuperZero
Year
:
Fresher
Marks out of 100
Super Sight
:
0
Morphing
:
0
Flying
:
0
(You’re getting the picture here?)
Comments:
Effort
: SuperZero makes no effort towards learning anything or practising anything else, and seems to spend all his time plotting how to undo everything the other students have done.
Initiative
: SuperZero showed initiative in trying to burn down a crowd of people, and in flooding a building.
Highlights of the year
: SuperZero kidnapped a small child, scalded a senior student, spoiled a biogas experiment, tried to chain-snatch from an old woman and ruined a fellow student’s cake and party.
Next course of action
: Please keep SuperZero at home, and please shift home as far away from the school.
17. Discover the truth. In a smelly sack
Have you ever felt like this—when you hate something, when it’s gone, you miss it and really want it badly? That’s the way I felt about my superpowers. I’d just never believed I was super somehow. I hadn’t thought of myself as a hero at all. It was just so much easier to just be a regular dude, a smart-ass, a wimpy no-good boy next door, a kid who was trouble. But now I wanted so gigantically badly to get my superpowers. And I had no clue how to!
I walked over to the back garden to find Gra. He’s the only one who’d understand, even if he couldn’t hear half of what I said. But Gra wasn’t around, not in his turnip or carrot patch. Not even at the side around the house, where he
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