hungry, cold, or plain scared to enjoy it. This is better.” She tilted back her head to give him a grateful smile
~ * ~
As she spoke, Fluke caught echoes of her remembered feelings—the chronic worry over being discovered, being chased by vicious guard dogs, or separated from her brother. He’d certainly caught her earlier sense of comfort and excitement. He only wanted to give her more of that after seeing—and feeling—the grateful look she gave him for this small vacation away from constantly guarding her emotions. He wished he’d been there for her much, much earlier, and saved her from all she’d endured.
“Even being hungry and alone in the woods was better than what happened when we tried to fit in around other people,” she continued as his fingers found and eased each little knot along the upper reaches of her spine. “We tried staying at a few homeless shelters. I was always on edge, always afraid of being noticed—”
“Afraid there’d be some kind of witch hunt by peasants armed with pitchforks and torches?” He teased.
She laughed. “Not exactly, but we heard those stories about experiments the government did on Freaks and they scared me. And so everyone around me felt afraid. Fear tends to bring out the worst in people.”
“Don’t I know it.” He’d met more than a few who treated him like a threat when they learned he was talented.
“People never realized what I was, but nobody liked to be around me. We couldn’t fit in anywhere. We ended up shunned anywhere we tried to stay—until we met Tamara. She faced the fear and transformed it, and showed me how to do the same.”
“Must’ve been your lucky day, finding her.”
“It was. I don’t know what I’d be now without her. She taught me to meditate, to take charge of my feelings, to have compassion for myself—I owe her everything.” She straightened on the couch, moving away from his hands. “In fact, I feel guilty leaving her with no one to do meals and keep the house—”
“Relax.” Fluke tugged her back against the cushions. “I spoke to her while you packed your bag upstairs. She said you’ve run the household for a good five years now with hardly a day off. She said to tell you to relax and enjoy yourself, she can handle things while you’re gone.”
Rachel sighed. “I know it. I really do. She did it all before I took some of it off her hands.”
“So you know she can do it now. She wants you to have this time for yourself. Why don’t you take it?”
She gave a rueful laugh. “Seems like I’ve forgotten how—how to let go—and I’m afraid I’d be taking advantage of you if I did.”
His laugh carried an edge of incredulity. “Here I was thinking you’d be worried about the opposite.”
“I was—at first—but I’m lost if I can’t be honest with myself about my feelings. And if I feel attracted to you, it’s not your fault if you feel the attraction too.”
“You’re a beautiful woman—I’d be attracted to you regardless of your talent. You might take advantage of the situation—in fact, I encourage you to do so—but you won’t be taking advantage of me .”
She lifted a hand to rest on his where he still soothed her neck. “I know you can’t help but be concerned about my feelings, but I don’t have the same… impetus to be concerned about yours—I hardly know you.”
“Let me worry about me.”
Her serenity now seemed like a sand castle in the tide, insubstantial walls giving way before a deeper, more powerful force. Behind those walls he caught hints of fragility, doubt, childlike curiosity, a growing hunger. But no relentless tide broke down her walls; somehow she lowered them deliberately. She wanted to let him in, despite herself, despite the doubts.
“You’re an attractive man—a very attractive man—I’ll bet you have no trouble finding plenty of willing partners without taking on… complications. It’s not fair to involve you with someone as emotionally
~ * ~
As she spoke, Fluke caught echoes of her remembered feelings—the chronic worry over being discovered, being chased by vicious guard dogs, or separated from her brother. He’d certainly caught her earlier sense of comfort and excitement. He only wanted to give her more of that after seeing—and feeling—the grateful look she gave him for this small vacation away from constantly guarding her emotions. He wished he’d been there for her much, much earlier, and saved her from all she’d endured.
“Even being hungry and alone in the woods was better than what happened when we tried to fit in around other people,” she continued as his fingers found and eased each little knot along the upper reaches of her spine. “We tried staying at a few homeless shelters. I was always on edge, always afraid of being noticed—”
“Afraid there’d be some kind of witch hunt by peasants armed with pitchforks and torches?” He teased.
She laughed. “Not exactly, but we heard those stories about experiments the government did on Freaks and they scared me. And so everyone around me felt afraid. Fear tends to bring out the worst in people.”
“Don’t I know it.” He’d met more than a few who treated him like a threat when they learned he was talented.
“People never realized what I was, but nobody liked to be around me. We couldn’t fit in anywhere. We ended up shunned anywhere we tried to stay—until we met Tamara. She faced the fear and transformed it, and showed me how to do the same.”
“Must’ve been your lucky day, finding her.”
“It was. I don’t know what I’d be now without her. She taught me to meditate, to take charge of my feelings, to have compassion for myself—I owe her everything.” She straightened on the couch, moving away from his hands. “In fact, I feel guilty leaving her with no one to do meals and keep the house—”
“Relax.” Fluke tugged her back against the cushions. “I spoke to her while you packed your bag upstairs. She said you’ve run the household for a good five years now with hardly a day off. She said to tell you to relax and enjoy yourself, she can handle things while you’re gone.”
Rachel sighed. “I know it. I really do. She did it all before I took some of it off her hands.”
“So you know she can do it now. She wants you to have this time for yourself. Why don’t you take it?”
She gave a rueful laugh. “Seems like I’ve forgotten how—how to let go—and I’m afraid I’d be taking advantage of you if I did.”
His laugh carried an edge of incredulity. “Here I was thinking you’d be worried about the opposite.”
“I was—at first—but I’m lost if I can’t be honest with myself about my feelings. And if I feel attracted to you, it’s not your fault if you feel the attraction too.”
“You’re a beautiful woman—I’d be attracted to you regardless of your talent. You might take advantage of the situation—in fact, I encourage you to do so—but you won’t be taking advantage of me .”
She lifted a hand to rest on his where he still soothed her neck. “I know you can’t help but be concerned about my feelings, but I don’t have the same… impetus to be concerned about yours—I hardly know you.”
“Let me worry about me.”
Her serenity now seemed like a sand castle in the tide, insubstantial walls giving way before a deeper, more powerful force. Behind those walls he caught hints of fragility, doubt, childlike curiosity, a growing hunger. But no relentless tide broke down her walls; somehow she lowered them deliberately. She wanted to let him in, despite herself, despite the doubts.
“You’re an attractive man—a very attractive man—I’ll bet you have no trouble finding plenty of willing partners without taking on… complications. It’s not fair to involve you with someone as emotionally
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