him as I rose, giving my unvoiced appreciation. He never failed to make my daughter feel special.
“Hey, Liz.” Matthew leaned in to peck me on the cheek as he walked through the door, fol owed by Natalie who stopped for a hug.
“Hey, guys. Thanks for taking Lizzie. It looks like she had a blast.” I glanced between the couple and Lizzie who was on her knees on the floor digging out the toys I had just put away, muttering about her matching stuffed elephant.
Matthew took the basebal cap off his head and ruffled his hand through his short brown hair. “No problem. We had a great time, didn’t we, Lizzie?”
“Yep!” she agreed from her spot on the floor.
“You guys feel like staying for dinner? I’m making lasagna.”
Matthew glanced at Natalie and then shook his head apologetical y. “Sorry, Liz, but we planned a date night.” I tried unsuccessful y to hide the disappointment that flushed my face. “Oh, okay.”
Matthew imparted a sad smile; one I knew wel ; one that told me it was okay to move on and that I didn’t have to be alone. While I appreciated the sentiment, it was something I would give no consideration. The only relationship after Matthew I’d attempted had ended in near disaster, and I’d accepted that I would never love again.
That knowledge rendered dating senseless. I’d only be wasting precious time that could be spent with my daughter.
Pretending not to notice the silent conversation Matthew attempted to have with me, I cal ed to Lizzie to come and tel them goodbye. We fol owed Matthew and Natalie out to their car, Lizzie giving hugs and kisses for the weekend away. I hugged them both, whispering my thanks.
They both assured me, once again, that they should be the ones to thank me.
Standing at the edge of the road in the driveway, Lizzie and I waved and watched them drive away. I glanced down at Lizzie who was hugging my leg and grinning up at me.
She was just so precious. Lovingly, I ran my hand through my daughter’s hair, my toothy smile matching hers. “Are you hungry, my princess?”
Lizzie nodded against my hand when I moved it to cup her cheek, her smile evident where it was pressed against my palm. Breathing deeply, I savored the emotion that traveled between us, only to go rigid when I heard a voice I could never forget, cal ing out my name.
“Elizabeth?”
Seven point three miles.
I stared unblinking at the screen as I turned the number over in my head.
Elizabeth Ayers lived seven point three miles away.
My finger shook as I traced the line on the map, the fantasy of my child living near becoming a firm reality. My chest fil ed with the same emotions of adoration I’d felt earlier when I’d first seen the child as I al owed my mind to wander with possibilities, possibilities of knowing her, of loving her—of being her father. I wanted desperately to fil that position. And I knew she wanted me too.
At the same time, I was terrified of seeing Elizabeth again. The thought of her in another man’s arms was almost unbearable, made worse by knowing I had forced
her there. But greater than al of that would be standing in front of her with the shame I bore. I knew I deserved nothing of them, deserved to play no part in their lives, but whether I deserved it or not, I could not turn away. The child’s face was burned in my mind.
Work passed much too slowly. I spent the day trying to focus on the things I had to finish, but my mind continual y strayed to a little girl with black hair and blue eyes. The moment my last meeting of the day adjourned, I was on my feet and heading out the door, dodging the inevitable interference of employees with need for direction. On any other day, I wouldn’t have minded, but today was different. I quickly excused myself from each conversation with little more than a word and hurried to the elevators to the parking garage below.
Entering the address I had memorized the night before into my GPS, I set out to find my daughter.
“Hey, Liz.” Matthew leaned in to peck me on the cheek as he walked through the door, fol owed by Natalie who stopped for a hug.
“Hey, guys. Thanks for taking Lizzie. It looks like she had a blast.” I glanced between the couple and Lizzie who was on her knees on the floor digging out the toys I had just put away, muttering about her matching stuffed elephant.
Matthew took the basebal cap off his head and ruffled his hand through his short brown hair. “No problem. We had a great time, didn’t we, Lizzie?”
“Yep!” she agreed from her spot on the floor.
“You guys feel like staying for dinner? I’m making lasagna.”
Matthew glanced at Natalie and then shook his head apologetical y. “Sorry, Liz, but we planned a date night.” I tried unsuccessful y to hide the disappointment that flushed my face. “Oh, okay.”
Matthew imparted a sad smile; one I knew wel ; one that told me it was okay to move on and that I didn’t have to be alone. While I appreciated the sentiment, it was something I would give no consideration. The only relationship after Matthew I’d attempted had ended in near disaster, and I’d accepted that I would never love again.
That knowledge rendered dating senseless. I’d only be wasting precious time that could be spent with my daughter.
Pretending not to notice the silent conversation Matthew attempted to have with me, I cal ed to Lizzie to come and tel them goodbye. We fol owed Matthew and Natalie out to their car, Lizzie giving hugs and kisses for the weekend away. I hugged them both, whispering my thanks.
They both assured me, once again, that they should be the ones to thank me.
Standing at the edge of the road in the driveway, Lizzie and I waved and watched them drive away. I glanced down at Lizzie who was hugging my leg and grinning up at me.
She was just so precious. Lovingly, I ran my hand through my daughter’s hair, my toothy smile matching hers. “Are you hungry, my princess?”
Lizzie nodded against my hand when I moved it to cup her cheek, her smile evident where it was pressed against my palm. Breathing deeply, I savored the emotion that traveled between us, only to go rigid when I heard a voice I could never forget, cal ing out my name.
“Elizabeth?”
Seven point three miles.
I stared unblinking at the screen as I turned the number over in my head.
Elizabeth Ayers lived seven point three miles away.
My finger shook as I traced the line on the map, the fantasy of my child living near becoming a firm reality. My chest fil ed with the same emotions of adoration I’d felt earlier when I’d first seen the child as I al owed my mind to wander with possibilities, possibilities of knowing her, of loving her—of being her father. I wanted desperately to fil that position. And I knew she wanted me too.
At the same time, I was terrified of seeing Elizabeth again. The thought of her in another man’s arms was almost unbearable, made worse by knowing I had forced
her there. But greater than al of that would be standing in front of her with the shame I bore. I knew I deserved nothing of them, deserved to play no part in their lives, but whether I deserved it or not, I could not turn away. The child’s face was burned in my mind.
Work passed much too slowly. I spent the day trying to focus on the things I had to finish, but my mind continual y strayed to a little girl with black hair and blue eyes. The moment my last meeting of the day adjourned, I was on my feet and heading out the door, dodging the inevitable interference of employees with need for direction. On any other day, I wouldn’t have minded, but today was different. I quickly excused myself from each conversation with little more than a word and hurried to the elevators to the parking garage below.
Entering the address I had memorized the night before into my GPS, I set out to find my daughter.
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