Tales from the Brothers Grimm and the Sisters Weird by Vivian Vande Velde
Book: Tales from the Brothers Grimm and the Sisters Weird by Vivian Vande Velde
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Authors: Vivian Vande Velde
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and grabbed hold of his leg.
"
Mmmm,
" a troll voice said, and the biggest billy goat could hear the smacking of troll lips. "This looks like a tasty treat for dinner."
"I'm not dinner," the biggest billy goat said, "I'm a billy goat."
"You're dinner now," the troll said, dragging the biggest billy goat closer and closer to the edge of the bridge.
But just when the troll got the biggest billy goat where it thought it wanted him, the biggest billy goat lowered his large head and with a powerful jab of his huge horns, he knocked the troll off the bridge and into the water.
Then the biggest billy goat went
thump-thump
the rest of the way across the bridge.
"Good work," the smallest billy goat said.
"Good work," the middle billy goat said.
"Thanks for the warning," the biggest billy goat said. "I could have gotten killed."
And with that he knocked both of them into the water and ate all the tall, sweet grass himself.
NINE
Rated PG-13
Fairy-tale endings you're not likely to see:
â after growing into a beautiful swan, the Ugly Duckling pecks all his tormentors to death.
â the Emperor orders the execution of everyone who's seen him naked.
â the lazy cat, dog, and mouse suffocate the Little Red Hen with her own cake.
â the elves lock the Shoemaker and his wife in the basement, take all their money, and run off to Central America, where they operate a pirate radio station.
â the Gingerbread Man turns out to be carnivorous and eats the fox.
â Snow White and Sleeping Beauty simply refuse to get out of bed.
â when a portion of the sky really does fall, Chicken Little becomes the leader of her own religious movement; she gets her own TV show, collects millions of dollars to build a theme park, then makes off with the money, joining the elves in Central America.
TEN
Mattresses
Once upon a time, before the invention of waterbeds or air mattresses or Craftmatic adjustable beds, there lived a prince named Royal. Because Prince Royal had such a royal name, great things were expected of him, and when it was time for him to many, everyone agreed that he needed to find absolutely the most perfect princess to be his wife.
One rainy night while the search for the most perfect princess was still going on, there came a knocking at the door of the castle. The servants opened the door and there stood a most lovely girl, wearing satins and silks and furs, just like a princess, but she was totally drenched, as though she'd been swimming in her fine clothes.
"I am Princess Courtney of Winthrop," she said when she was led into the presence of Prince Royal and his mother, the queen, in the audience chamber. "I've accidentally gotten separated from my traveling companions, and now I'm lost and wet and cold and hungry. May I please spend the night in your castle?"
Prince Royal fell in love immediately. He just stood there, with his hand over his racing heart, unable to remember how to speak. The queen, seeing this, answered graciously, "Of course, my dear," and ordered the servants to prepare a room for Princess Courtney, to find her diy clothes, and to prepare a meal for her.
"Oh my," Prince Royal said as soon as Princess Courtney was escorted from the audience chamber. "Isn't she the most perfect princess you've ever seen?"
"Well," the queen agreed, "she's certainly very beautiful."
Later, at dinner, as the princess ate daintily, always knowing which of the several forks and spoons to use, Prince Royal leaned over to his mother and asked, "Isn't she the most perfect princess you've ever seen?"
"Well," the queen agreed, "she certainly has elegant manners."
After that, when Prince Royal had finally remembered how to speak, he and Princess Courtney spoke of politics and philosophy and art.
That night, when Prince Royal stopped by his mother's room to wish her a good night, he sighed and said, "Isn't she the most perfect princess you've ever seen?"
"Well," the queen agreed,
"
Mmmm,
" a troll voice said, and the biggest billy goat could hear the smacking of troll lips. "This looks like a tasty treat for dinner."
"I'm not dinner," the biggest billy goat said, "I'm a billy goat."
"You're dinner now," the troll said, dragging the biggest billy goat closer and closer to the edge of the bridge.
But just when the troll got the biggest billy goat where it thought it wanted him, the biggest billy goat lowered his large head and with a powerful jab of his huge horns, he knocked the troll off the bridge and into the water.
Then the biggest billy goat went
thump-thump
the rest of the way across the bridge.
"Good work," the smallest billy goat said.
"Good work," the middle billy goat said.
"Thanks for the warning," the biggest billy goat said. "I could have gotten killed."
And with that he knocked both of them into the water and ate all the tall, sweet grass himself.
NINE
Rated PG-13
Fairy-tale endings you're not likely to see:
â after growing into a beautiful swan, the Ugly Duckling pecks all his tormentors to death.
â the Emperor orders the execution of everyone who's seen him naked.
â the lazy cat, dog, and mouse suffocate the Little Red Hen with her own cake.
â the elves lock the Shoemaker and his wife in the basement, take all their money, and run off to Central America, where they operate a pirate radio station.
â the Gingerbread Man turns out to be carnivorous and eats the fox.
â Snow White and Sleeping Beauty simply refuse to get out of bed.
â when a portion of the sky really does fall, Chicken Little becomes the leader of her own religious movement; she gets her own TV show, collects millions of dollars to build a theme park, then makes off with the money, joining the elves in Central America.
TEN
Mattresses
Once upon a time, before the invention of waterbeds or air mattresses or Craftmatic adjustable beds, there lived a prince named Royal. Because Prince Royal had such a royal name, great things were expected of him, and when it was time for him to many, everyone agreed that he needed to find absolutely the most perfect princess to be his wife.
One rainy night while the search for the most perfect princess was still going on, there came a knocking at the door of the castle. The servants opened the door and there stood a most lovely girl, wearing satins and silks and furs, just like a princess, but she was totally drenched, as though she'd been swimming in her fine clothes.
"I am Princess Courtney of Winthrop," she said when she was led into the presence of Prince Royal and his mother, the queen, in the audience chamber. "I've accidentally gotten separated from my traveling companions, and now I'm lost and wet and cold and hungry. May I please spend the night in your castle?"
Prince Royal fell in love immediately. He just stood there, with his hand over his racing heart, unable to remember how to speak. The queen, seeing this, answered graciously, "Of course, my dear," and ordered the servants to prepare a room for Princess Courtney, to find her diy clothes, and to prepare a meal for her.
"Oh my," Prince Royal said as soon as Princess Courtney was escorted from the audience chamber. "Isn't she the most perfect princess you've ever seen?"
"Well," the queen agreed, "she's certainly very beautiful."
Later, at dinner, as the princess ate daintily, always knowing which of the several forks and spoons to use, Prince Royal leaned over to his mother and asked, "Isn't she the most perfect princess you've ever seen?"
"Well," the queen agreed, "she certainly has elegant manners."
After that, when Prince Royal had finally remembered how to speak, he and Princess Courtney spoke of politics and philosophy and art.
That night, when Prince Royal stopped by his mother's room to wish her a good night, he sighed and said, "Isn't she the most perfect princess you've ever seen?"
"Well," the queen agreed,
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