said as I abruptly turned in that direction and started tossing blankets off the sofa so he would have someplace to sit.
Sebastian followed me into the room and sat down on the far end of the sofa. I took a seat at the other end, putting my hands between my knees so he wouldn’t see me wringing them in nervousness. I looked everywhere in the room except directly at him.
Sebastian broke the silence. “I saw you today….”
My stomach lurched as I realized he knew I had scouted him out. “Uh… well this is embarrassing.” Looking him in the eye, I asked, “Would you believe I was just passing by?”
“No,” he responded, raising his eyebrow.
“How about if I told you I stumbled upon your movie set?”
“No… but it doesn’t matter why you came, I’m just glad you did,” Sebastian said turning to completely face me.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
He smiled for the first time. “I’ve missed you, Ashley,” he said quietly.
My heart nearly stopped as I continued to look at him. He dropped his head to stare down at his hands. “What did you say?” I whispered. Surely, I had heard wrong.
Sebastian looked up to meet my eyes and said softly, “I said I’ve missed you. I miss our chats, our jokes… I’ve missed all of it.”
I didn’t know how to respond, so I blurted out the obvious. “Then why haven’t you tried to contact me?”
“I tried to call you the other night, but you didn’t answer.”
“I thought that was you…. Why didn’t you leave a message?” I asked as I tried to read his expression.
“Because when you didn’t answer, I decided I should talk to you like this—face-to-face.”
“Are you going to storm out on me again?” I asked hesitantly.
Sebastian smiled as he responded, “I sincerely hope not.”
“Seb… about my big fat lie… I wish I could take it all back. It’s been torture these past few months. I really wanted to tell you, I swear I did. I just didn’t want to risk losing you. But, as I see now, not telling you is the real reason that I’m losing you.”
“About that, Ash… I’ve been thinking about everything you said, both in New York and in our conversation that night. If I face the truth, I did lie to you as well. I may not have flat-out told you that I was gay, but I damn sure led you to believe that I wasn’t. I’m as guilty of lying as you are.”
I began to relax a little. “Sebastian, can I ask you something?”
Sebastian motioned with his head for me to go ahead.
“If I had told you that I was a guy from the beginning, would you have allowed yourself to get so close to me?”
Sebastian shifted so that he was facing me directly. “Ash, I came here to be honest, so if I’m being honest about that question, the answer is no. I wouldn’t have contacted you nearly as much, nor would I have continued the friendship much past the first few encounters.”
I was taken aback. Wow… I knew I had been right about that. But it didn’t make sense. He’s gay, he’s single, why not chat up a guy online?
“Okay—” was all I could get out before Sebastian interrupted me.
“You were right, Ash. I felt more comfortable with the idea of chatting with a girl. Mainly because I knew I didn’t need to worry about feelings or attraction becoming part of the equation. However, when I started having feelings for you, I couldn’t believe it. I know that I’m not physically attracted to women, so what the hell was I going to do with all these feelings for you? Hell, it was a strange kind of relief when I found out you were a guy.”
All I heard was the one line. “You have feelings for me?”
“That’s what I came here to say.” Reaching out to grasp my hand, Sebastian continued, “I have missed you so much. I feel lonely because I haven’t been able to talk to you every night. I miss how funny you are and how adorably neurotic you can be. I guess you could say I’ve been miserable for the past few weeks.”
I looked into his
Sebastian followed me into the room and sat down on the far end of the sofa. I took a seat at the other end, putting my hands between my knees so he wouldn’t see me wringing them in nervousness. I looked everywhere in the room except directly at him.
Sebastian broke the silence. “I saw you today….”
My stomach lurched as I realized he knew I had scouted him out. “Uh… well this is embarrassing.” Looking him in the eye, I asked, “Would you believe I was just passing by?”
“No,” he responded, raising his eyebrow.
“How about if I told you I stumbled upon your movie set?”
“No… but it doesn’t matter why you came, I’m just glad you did,” Sebastian said turning to completely face me.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
He smiled for the first time. “I’ve missed you, Ashley,” he said quietly.
My heart nearly stopped as I continued to look at him. He dropped his head to stare down at his hands. “What did you say?” I whispered. Surely, I had heard wrong.
Sebastian looked up to meet my eyes and said softly, “I said I’ve missed you. I miss our chats, our jokes… I’ve missed all of it.”
I didn’t know how to respond, so I blurted out the obvious. “Then why haven’t you tried to contact me?”
“I tried to call you the other night, but you didn’t answer.”
“I thought that was you…. Why didn’t you leave a message?” I asked as I tried to read his expression.
“Because when you didn’t answer, I decided I should talk to you like this—face-to-face.”
“Are you going to storm out on me again?” I asked hesitantly.
Sebastian smiled as he responded, “I sincerely hope not.”
“Seb… about my big fat lie… I wish I could take it all back. It’s been torture these past few months. I really wanted to tell you, I swear I did. I just didn’t want to risk losing you. But, as I see now, not telling you is the real reason that I’m losing you.”
“About that, Ash… I’ve been thinking about everything you said, both in New York and in our conversation that night. If I face the truth, I did lie to you as well. I may not have flat-out told you that I was gay, but I damn sure led you to believe that I wasn’t. I’m as guilty of lying as you are.”
I began to relax a little. “Sebastian, can I ask you something?”
Sebastian motioned with his head for me to go ahead.
“If I had told you that I was a guy from the beginning, would you have allowed yourself to get so close to me?”
Sebastian shifted so that he was facing me directly. “Ash, I came here to be honest, so if I’m being honest about that question, the answer is no. I wouldn’t have contacted you nearly as much, nor would I have continued the friendship much past the first few encounters.”
I was taken aback. Wow… I knew I had been right about that. But it didn’t make sense. He’s gay, he’s single, why not chat up a guy online?
“Okay—” was all I could get out before Sebastian interrupted me.
“You were right, Ash. I felt more comfortable with the idea of chatting with a girl. Mainly because I knew I didn’t need to worry about feelings or attraction becoming part of the equation. However, when I started having feelings for you, I couldn’t believe it. I know that I’m not physically attracted to women, so what the hell was I going to do with all these feelings for you? Hell, it was a strange kind of relief when I found out you were a guy.”
All I heard was the one line. “You have feelings for me?”
“That’s what I came here to say.” Reaching out to grasp my hand, Sebastian continued, “I have missed you so much. I feel lonely because I haven’t been able to talk to you every night. I miss how funny you are and how adorably neurotic you can be. I guess you could say I’ve been miserable for the past few weeks.”
I looked into his
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