pretty close. This was my dream and my only shot at college, why was she making this so difficult?
"After I have the baby, there's no way I can be all the way on the other side of the country. You'll be at practices, on the road at games, I can't do this alone. I'm going to need some help, I want to stay near home, near my mom."
The baby. How had I let it slip my mind? How had I forgotten, even for one second, that my life was no longer just mine? I had so much more to consider, so much more to think about. I felt the anger really start to boil. One mistake was ruining my entire life and I couldn't help but feel cheated. I worked so hard and was losing everything. I turned the car back on and pulled it out of the parking spot.
"Well, I guess there's nothing to celebrate then."
"Why not?" she asked. It was her turn to be confused.
"Because I'm not going then." I couldn't control the sharp tone that was coming out, and the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach was growing stronger. All I wanted to do was get her home, be alone before I said something I regretted.
"Why wouldn't you go?" she asked, still not understanding.
My knuckles started to whiten as I gripped the steering wheel with everything I had. I was holding back lashing out the best I could, but I knew I wouldn't be able to hold back for long. I didn't want to answer questions as my dreams were going down the drain.
"Because I'm not going without you and the baby. Where you are is where I will be, so if that's not at Meryhist, if it's in this shit town, then that's where I'll be." I didn't mean for it to come out sounding so nasty, even though I knew it did. I couldn't look at her; all I could see was the blurry road ahead of me, clouded by my anger.
"Eric, you don't have to.."
"YES I DO, GOD DAMNIT! I WILL NOT BE A FAILURE WITH THIS BABY, LIKE EVERYONE THINKS I AM!" I yelled so hard the windows shook. I saw her flinch and cower to the window.
I lost my breath as I realized what I had just said. That feeling buried deep down had finally come to the surface, I was scared. My parents, Mrs. Roe, Lauren's parents, all knew who I was. I was a disappointment. Who else knew it, too? These thoughts sat heavy on my chest as I pulled into Lauren's driveway. She bolted out of the car quicker than I could stop her, but I saw her brush tears away as she went. Even if I could have stopped her, I don't know what I would have said.
I drove home with my mind blank. I didn't want to let myself go to those dark places where shadows were lurking. But when I got home and flopped onto my bed, those shadows had nowhere else to escape. Who were you, if people didn't believe the good in you? If people believed you weren't good enough. For the first time since I was a child, tears slipped from my eyes. I didn't want to be me anymore. I wanted to be more. And I knew there was only one person who could help make me more, and I needed her.
I parked down the block and walked down the road in the damp spring air, to the window I knew would be waiting. I didn't need to call her first, I knew the window would be open for me. Her room was cast in shadow when I climbed inside. I heard her steady breathing and knew she was asleep under the covers. I kicked off my shoes and climbed into the bed with her.
I curled around her, my hand coming to rest on her abdomen. She settled herself into me, warm with sleep. I kissed her hair and she stirred awake.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered.
She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight.
"I don't want to ruin your dreams." Her voice still thick with sleep.
I smiled in the darkness." Well, I have a new dream now. It's you and the baby."
She turned to me, her eyes locked on mine. "Do you mean that?"
"Absolutely. I'll talk to coach on Monday. I'll tell him my family is here, and this is where I need to be. You're my family now."
She kissed me long and sweet. Her
"After I have the baby, there's no way I can be all the way on the other side of the country. You'll be at practices, on the road at games, I can't do this alone. I'm going to need some help, I want to stay near home, near my mom."
The baby. How had I let it slip my mind? How had I forgotten, even for one second, that my life was no longer just mine? I had so much more to consider, so much more to think about. I felt the anger really start to boil. One mistake was ruining my entire life and I couldn't help but feel cheated. I worked so hard and was losing everything. I turned the car back on and pulled it out of the parking spot.
"Well, I guess there's nothing to celebrate then."
"Why not?" she asked. It was her turn to be confused.
"Because I'm not going then." I couldn't control the sharp tone that was coming out, and the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach was growing stronger. All I wanted to do was get her home, be alone before I said something I regretted.
"Why wouldn't you go?" she asked, still not understanding.
My knuckles started to whiten as I gripped the steering wheel with everything I had. I was holding back lashing out the best I could, but I knew I wouldn't be able to hold back for long. I didn't want to answer questions as my dreams were going down the drain.
"Because I'm not going without you and the baby. Where you are is where I will be, so if that's not at Meryhist, if it's in this shit town, then that's where I'll be." I didn't mean for it to come out sounding so nasty, even though I knew it did. I couldn't look at her; all I could see was the blurry road ahead of me, clouded by my anger.
"Eric, you don't have to.."
"YES I DO, GOD DAMNIT! I WILL NOT BE A FAILURE WITH THIS BABY, LIKE EVERYONE THINKS I AM!" I yelled so hard the windows shook. I saw her flinch and cower to the window.
I lost my breath as I realized what I had just said. That feeling buried deep down had finally come to the surface, I was scared. My parents, Mrs. Roe, Lauren's parents, all knew who I was. I was a disappointment. Who else knew it, too? These thoughts sat heavy on my chest as I pulled into Lauren's driveway. She bolted out of the car quicker than I could stop her, but I saw her brush tears away as she went. Even if I could have stopped her, I don't know what I would have said.
I drove home with my mind blank. I didn't want to let myself go to those dark places where shadows were lurking. But when I got home and flopped onto my bed, those shadows had nowhere else to escape. Who were you, if people didn't believe the good in you? If people believed you weren't good enough. For the first time since I was a child, tears slipped from my eyes. I didn't want to be me anymore. I wanted to be more. And I knew there was only one person who could help make me more, and I needed her.
I parked down the block and walked down the road in the damp spring air, to the window I knew would be waiting. I didn't need to call her first, I knew the window would be open for me. Her room was cast in shadow when I climbed inside. I heard her steady breathing and knew she was asleep under the covers. I kicked off my shoes and climbed into the bed with her.
I curled around her, my hand coming to rest on her abdomen. She settled herself into me, warm with sleep. I kissed her hair and she stirred awake.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered.
She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight.
"I don't want to ruin your dreams." Her voice still thick with sleep.
I smiled in the darkness." Well, I have a new dream now. It's you and the baby."
She turned to me, her eyes locked on mine. "Do you mean that?"
"Absolutely. I'll talk to coach on Monday. I'll tell him my family is here, and this is where I need to be. You're my family now."
She kissed me long and sweet. Her
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