tirade)
Yeah, Dad. I know, Dad . . . No, I haven't done anything about it, yet
. . . Yes, Mr. Hudson says he has a room in his house for me next year
. . . But I haven't done anything about it here yet . . . Yeah, okay,
Dad . . . I know what you mean . . .
(Gets angry)
I swear to God I don't . . . I lived with him a year, and I don't . . .
All right, okay, Dad . . . No, don't you call. I'll do it. Right now.
(He hangs up. He stands and puts his hands in his pocket and tries to
think this out. It's something he doesn't like.)
RALPH
(Comes in the house door and starts up the steps)
Hey, Al?
AL
Yeah?
RALPH
The guys over at the Beta house want to know has it happened yet?
AL
Has what happened?
RALPH
Has Tom made a pass at you yet?
AL
(Reaches out to swat RALPH)
For crying out loud!
RALPH
Okay, okay! You can borrow my chastity belt if you need it.
AL
That's not funny.
RALPH
(Shifting his meaning to hurt AL)
No, I know it's not. The guys on the ball team don't think it's funny
at all.
AL
What do you mean?
RALPH
The guy they're supposed to elect captain rooming with a queer.
AL
(Looks at him for a moment, then rejects the idea)
Aw . . . knock it off, huh!
RALPH
So you don't believe me . . . Wait and see.
(Putting on a dirty grin)
Anyway, my mother said I should save myself for the girl I marry. Hell,
how would you like to have to tell your wife, "Honey, I've been saving
myself for you, except for one night when a guy -- "
(AL roughs RALPH up with no intention of hurting him)
Okay, okay. So you don't want to be captain of the baseball team.
So who the hell cares. I don't, I'm sure.
AL
Look. Why don't you mind your own business?
RALPH
What the hell fun would there be in that?
AL
Ralph, Tom's a nice kid.
RALPH
Yeah. That's why all the guys leave the shower room at the gym when he
walks in.
AL
When?
RALPH
Yesterday . . . Today. You didn't hear about it?
AL
No. What are they trying to do?
RALPH
Hell, they don't want some queer looking at them and --
AL
Oh, can it! Go on up and bury your horny nose in your Art Models magazine.
RALPH
At least I'm normal. I like to look at pictures of naked girls, not men,
the way Tom does.
AL
Jeeze, I'm gonna push your face in in a --
RALPH
Didn't you notice all those strong man poses he's got in his bottom
drawer?
AL
Yes, I've noticed them. His old man wants him to be a muscle man, and
he wrote away for this course in muscle building and they send those
pictures. Any objections?
RALPH
Go on, stick up for him. Stick your neck out. You'll get it chopped off
with a baseball bat, you crazy bastard.
(Exits upstairs. AL looks at the phone, then up the way RALPH went. He is
upset. He throws himself into a few push-ups, using the bannisters. Then
still not happy with what he's doing, he walks down the stairs and knocks
on the study door.)
LAURA
(Comes from inside the house and opens the door)
Oh, hello, Al.
AL
Is Mr. Reynolds in?
LAURA
Why, no, he isn't. Can I do something?
AL
I guess I better drop down when he's in.
LAURA
All right. I don't really expect him home till after supper tonight.
AL
(Thinks for a moment)
Well . . . well, you. might tell him
Yeah, Dad. I know, Dad . . . No, I haven't done anything about it, yet
. . . Yes, Mr. Hudson says he has a room in his house for me next year
. . . But I haven't done anything about it here yet . . . Yeah, okay,
Dad . . . I know what you mean . . .
(Gets angry)
I swear to God I don't . . . I lived with him a year, and I don't . . .
All right, okay, Dad . . . No, don't you call. I'll do it. Right now.
(He hangs up. He stands and puts his hands in his pocket and tries to
think this out. It's something he doesn't like.)
RALPH
(Comes in the house door and starts up the steps)
Hey, Al?
AL
Yeah?
RALPH
The guys over at the Beta house want to know has it happened yet?
AL
Has what happened?
RALPH
Has Tom made a pass at you yet?
AL
(Reaches out to swat RALPH)
For crying out loud!
RALPH
Okay, okay! You can borrow my chastity belt if you need it.
AL
That's not funny.
RALPH
(Shifting his meaning to hurt AL)
No, I know it's not. The guys on the ball team don't think it's funny
at all.
AL
What do you mean?
RALPH
The guy they're supposed to elect captain rooming with a queer.
AL
(Looks at him for a moment, then rejects the idea)
Aw . . . knock it off, huh!
RALPH
So you don't believe me . . . Wait and see.
(Putting on a dirty grin)
Anyway, my mother said I should save myself for the girl I marry. Hell,
how would you like to have to tell your wife, "Honey, I've been saving
myself for you, except for one night when a guy -- "
(AL roughs RALPH up with no intention of hurting him)
Okay, okay. So you don't want to be captain of the baseball team.
So who the hell cares. I don't, I'm sure.
AL
Look. Why don't you mind your own business?
RALPH
What the hell fun would there be in that?
AL
Ralph, Tom's a nice kid.
RALPH
Yeah. That's why all the guys leave the shower room at the gym when he
walks in.
AL
When?
RALPH
Yesterday . . . Today. You didn't hear about it?
AL
No. What are they trying to do?
RALPH
Hell, they don't want some queer looking at them and --
AL
Oh, can it! Go on up and bury your horny nose in your Art Models magazine.
RALPH
At least I'm normal. I like to look at pictures of naked girls, not men,
the way Tom does.
AL
Jeeze, I'm gonna push your face in in a --
RALPH
Didn't you notice all those strong man poses he's got in his bottom
drawer?
AL
Yes, I've noticed them. His old man wants him to be a muscle man, and
he wrote away for this course in muscle building and they send those
pictures. Any objections?
RALPH
Go on, stick up for him. Stick your neck out. You'll get it chopped off
with a baseball bat, you crazy bastard.
(Exits upstairs. AL looks at the phone, then up the way RALPH went. He is
upset. He throws himself into a few push-ups, using the bannisters. Then
still not happy with what he's doing, he walks down the stairs and knocks
on the study door.)
LAURA
(Comes from inside the house and opens the door)
Oh, hello, Al.
AL
Is Mr. Reynolds in?
LAURA
Why, no, he isn't. Can I do something?
AL
I guess I better drop down when he's in.
LAURA
All right. I don't really expect him home till after supper tonight.
AL
(Thinks for a moment)
Well . . . well, you. might tell him
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