came to say. I'll let you know what I think after. Christ, Shelby, just get on with it. I've got things to do."
"I went home after I left here. Not across town home--I live in one room on a futon in a big-ass house--that isn't home. I went to Montgomery. I went to have a talk with my old man. I came out of the fucking closet to my family at the dinner table on November first. My sister just laughed and said about damned time. My mother nearly fainted. My dad was furious. How could I ruin him like this? He was planning to announce his run for the presidency in January and now he can't because he has a goddamned faggot for a son."
"I'm sorry, Shelby."
"How did your dad take it when you told him?"
"I haven't. He lives in Arizona, I live here. I figure if he knows he doesn't care, and if he doesn't know then he doesn't need to. I'm sure your dad will get past it in time."
"He wants grandkids, my kids to carry on the family name. I'm supposed to suck it up and get married again, give him a couple of grandkids and keep my mouth shut about where I stick my dick after that. After that he doesn't want anything to do with me."
"Is that what you want?"
"No. I could call Rachel back and tell her to put me down as the baby's daddy. Hell, I could be the baby's daddy."
"Knowing Rachel, any guy in here could be the baby's daddy."
"Including you?"
"Including me." Deacon laughed.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing. For a straight up gay guy, you have the same bad taste in women that I do."
"What? She gives good head."
"Lucy gives better head."
"God, I know. Shit, Deacon, don't mess me up even more than I already am. I just got comfortable being gay. Don't spoil that for me."
"You are sort of strange, Thursday, you do know that, right? Shelby, sorry."
Shelby saw the corners of his mouth tilt up in a half smile.
"I love you, Deacon." He couldn't look at him when he said it. "I came here the first time because this place was bright and almost cheerful. I came back each week for the same reason. I continued coming after my body healed because my mind hadn't. I couldn't remember that night. Somehow, I convinced myself I caused the accident because I wasn't paying attention. Then I convinced myself I was being punished because I didn't love her the way I should have, because I didn't want to be a father. I kept coming because I felt calm here. I watched you and your staff, the regular customers, greedily. I loved the nights you sang along with the jukebox. Your voice made me feel things. And then I walked out of my office. I just quit. I couldn't take it anymore. I dodged my dad's calls for a month. I let my hair grow out. I rebelled in the only way I knew how. I just came to a complete fucking halt. Except for here. I came here every Thursday because I craved this place. I craved your company even if you never knew it. Then I caught you watching me. Something curled inside me, sort of liquidy warm and scary as hell."
"Are you finished?" Deacon crossed his arms over his chest, his face grim. Real fear shot through Shelby's soul. Rejection wasn't something he expected.
"Not by a long shot." He fisted his hands in his pockets. "You want to know why I stayed away for the last month, where I've been? So, I'm going to tell you. I went to hell. After a week spent with my furious father and weeping mother, I came back here. I put my house up for sale and I got a job. A coaching job with the university. I love football. I'd wanted to go pro, but I gave that up to be a dutiful son."
"So why don't you? You have connections, I'm sure. Make some calls."
"That ship sailed ten years ago, Deacon. I'm too old, too out of shape, and if I wasn't, then the accident took care of my throwing arm. The scars limit my range."
"Those are excuses. Thirty-three isn't too old to play, you can get back into shape, and the scar just needs to be worked through. Believe me, I know all about scars."
"So what if they are excuses? Maybe I don't want that now. Maybe I
"I went home after I left here. Not across town home--I live in one room on a futon in a big-ass house--that isn't home. I went to Montgomery. I went to have a talk with my old man. I came out of the fucking closet to my family at the dinner table on November first. My sister just laughed and said about damned time. My mother nearly fainted. My dad was furious. How could I ruin him like this? He was planning to announce his run for the presidency in January and now he can't because he has a goddamned faggot for a son."
"I'm sorry, Shelby."
"How did your dad take it when you told him?"
"I haven't. He lives in Arizona, I live here. I figure if he knows he doesn't care, and if he doesn't know then he doesn't need to. I'm sure your dad will get past it in time."
"He wants grandkids, my kids to carry on the family name. I'm supposed to suck it up and get married again, give him a couple of grandkids and keep my mouth shut about where I stick my dick after that. After that he doesn't want anything to do with me."
"Is that what you want?"
"No. I could call Rachel back and tell her to put me down as the baby's daddy. Hell, I could be the baby's daddy."
"Knowing Rachel, any guy in here could be the baby's daddy."
"Including you?"
"Including me." Deacon laughed.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing. For a straight up gay guy, you have the same bad taste in women that I do."
"What? She gives good head."
"Lucy gives better head."
"God, I know. Shit, Deacon, don't mess me up even more than I already am. I just got comfortable being gay. Don't spoil that for me."
"You are sort of strange, Thursday, you do know that, right? Shelby, sorry."
Shelby saw the corners of his mouth tilt up in a half smile.
"I love you, Deacon." He couldn't look at him when he said it. "I came here the first time because this place was bright and almost cheerful. I came back each week for the same reason. I continued coming after my body healed because my mind hadn't. I couldn't remember that night. Somehow, I convinced myself I caused the accident because I wasn't paying attention. Then I convinced myself I was being punished because I didn't love her the way I should have, because I didn't want to be a father. I kept coming because I felt calm here. I watched you and your staff, the regular customers, greedily. I loved the nights you sang along with the jukebox. Your voice made me feel things. And then I walked out of my office. I just quit. I couldn't take it anymore. I dodged my dad's calls for a month. I let my hair grow out. I rebelled in the only way I knew how. I just came to a complete fucking halt. Except for here. I came here every Thursday because I craved this place. I craved your company even if you never knew it. Then I caught you watching me. Something curled inside me, sort of liquidy warm and scary as hell."
"Are you finished?" Deacon crossed his arms over his chest, his face grim. Real fear shot through Shelby's soul. Rejection wasn't something he expected.
"Not by a long shot." He fisted his hands in his pockets. "You want to know why I stayed away for the last month, where I've been? So, I'm going to tell you. I went to hell. After a week spent with my furious father and weeping mother, I came back here. I put my house up for sale and I got a job. A coaching job with the university. I love football. I'd wanted to go pro, but I gave that up to be a dutiful son."
"So why don't you? You have connections, I'm sure. Make some calls."
"That ship sailed ten years ago, Deacon. I'm too old, too out of shape, and if I wasn't, then the accident took care of my throwing arm. The scars limit my range."
"Those are excuses. Thirty-three isn't too old to play, you can get back into shape, and the scar just needs to be worked through. Believe me, I know all about scars."
"So what if they are excuses? Maybe I don't want that now. Maybe I
Similar Books
